Not Afraid
by MerielTLA
Summary: "Alec...Alec Lightwood" I shook his hand "Nice to meet you…I'm Magnus Bane" and for the first time I could see his small smile and I was sure that with that, that wimpy dark kid had stolen me forever. AU Malec.
1. Chapter 1

**Edit! Now we have a beta, the amazing Miss Regina Star...so thank her for fixing my grammar horrors =D take care!**

Alec PoV

I looked at the paper in front of me…blank...all pearly white…the whiteness of the sheet mocking me…I glared at it with such force that I wouldn't be surprised if it spontaneously combusted into ashes…yeah maybe that way it would be better than the rest of the wrinkled ones laying in my trashcan and floor. I was a fucking songwriter and couldn't even write a fucking word! Talk about writers block! I sighed tossing my pen aside giving up…I had a deadline but sitting in there hating the sheets wouldn't get me anywhere.

I closed my eyes and began thinking of my life…normally it was enough to get me in the mood. I was twenty-three years old, I lived in a nice apartment near downtown and I had a pretty decent job…I was Nephilim's songwriter, the best rock band at the moment…my stepbrother's band. His name was Jace, pure gold…literally. He had golden hair, golden skin, a million dollar smile and body…yeah I know what people thought of him because I had felt the same way…I was the gay that used to be in love with his best friend. C_liché much?_ Yeah, well I didn't like it either, but I couldn't help it. After a second, I frowned as a song got inside my senses.

_Oooh, do you know what you got into?_

_Can you handle what I'm about to do?_

_'Cause it's about to get rough for you_

_I'm here for your entertainment._

I looked at my phone like it was an alien. What was that _thing _doing inside it? My answer came as soon as I read the caller ID. _Izzy; _my dear baby sis that loved messing with my stuff.

"I'm deleting this _thing_ from my phone," I said when I answered her call.

"Aw, come on Alec! It's _For Your Entertainment_ by Magnus freaking Bane! The best there is!" She yelled in that distraught voice she always used when I said something that she liked was stupid. "And speaking of Magnus, he invited the band to his birthday party. I was wondering if…"

"Sure, why not." I shrugged, thinking that getting drunk wouldn't be so awful…anything to get my mind off things and get into a more _writing mood_…I didn't even care if Magnus was there, I knew pretty well how to be invisible.

"But Alec! Plea… you just agree without me begging you?"

"Yeah…" I said, completely bored with my life.

"Jeez, a little more excitement wouldn't hurt you." I smiled, almost seeing her pout in my mind.

"Hey, I'm only doing this because honestly, I have nothing better to you don't want me to change my mind, tell me when and where."

"_SuroungySoungy_…the new club a couple of blocks from your place in an hour. Care to walk there? We're picking up the rest of the band, and I don't know if we'll have enough space for you." _R__eally?_ Man, my sister knew how to pamper me.

"Glad I won't be a burden…but I'm in the mood to get drunk, so I'll seeya there." I hung up. She would be pissed, but I was also pissed… no point in talking. I stood up, stretching my sore spending hours and hours trying to come up with a new song for the special edition album, I was there with _nothing. _Maybe Kyle or Simon should write it…_ha!_ I shook my head, smiling at my own stupid two were masters at the drums and bass –respectively- but when it came to lyrics and band names they were both airheads. Thank Jace for thinking that he was some sort of half angel had used his brain for once and come up with the name _Nephilim_…and had the nice gesture of asking me to write their songs once he stole my _songbook_. And to think that I was once in love with the dude…_bad idea_. Anyways, thanks to a lot of moping around and a _certain someone,_ my crush for my brother died and I could be annoyed at him again.

I hummed a melody I had just come up with as I made my way to my closet. I didn't want Isabelle to nag me about my clothes, so I decided to use a black button up shirt and some nice jeans. I knew that it was a fancy club, so I had to change my ever present vans for my black shoes. I walked to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I was a practical person; showers were for cleaning proposes only. I didn't understand how people could be there for an entire hour until their fingers resembled the ones of an old man…oh well. I liked to give my little share to the planet.

I turned off the stream, walked out wrapping a towel around my waist and stood up in front of the mirror thinking. I knew that the moment I walked into the club Izzy would pressure me to get a date…she was overly interested in my non-existent love life. Why? Well, maybe because in the last six years I had successfully closed up to every person that pursued something more than a friendship with me…why? Isabelle didn't know this, but it was all thanks to the _great _Magnus Bane…the man that had stolen every bit of my hope of finding love and made _pretty_ confetti with my heart. And now I was going to his birthday party. I wouldn't admit it out loud, but I wouldn't mind seeing him_ live_ for a change…what a masochist, _right?_

Grimacing, I walked to my room and started dressing, thinking that I would let my hair dry on its own, and wondering where the hell I had left my glasses. Yeah, no nerd was complete without his black specks, and of course I considered myself a nerd, nothing wrong about it. I sighed, knowing that I had just the time needed to walk to the club… no glasses for Alec tonight. I just hoped I remembered the holes in the sidewalk so I wouldn't be kissing the floor, which would be _exactly _what I needed to make this day better. I took my jacket and went out.

"Going out, Alec?" asked Ms Shepherd from the adjacent apartment as she opened her door.

"It's Friday night." I smiled like it was the most common thing to say.

"That never mattered before." She raised her eyebrow. Thanks for reminding me of my non-existent social life. The world was plotting against me I tellya.

"Well… maybe I'm in the mood." I kept my smile, resisting the urge to tell her to fuzz off. Damn, having writers block did put me off balance.

"Okay…just be world is not nice to sweet kids like you." Oh, that hit a nerve. I guess that helping her with her groceries and stuff was sweet, but I was a grown man…that his own parents had thrown out when they knew he was gay, whose first love had crushed his heart…I knew how the world was and I was not having an old lady looking at me like a twelve year old,just because I liked videogames, books and movies more than a 'night with the _dudes_'.

"I'll do just that." I grinned before turning and walking out of the building. Damn I was Izzy, then myself remembering my life and now an old lady._D__runkenness here I come!_

As I made my way into the streets of Manhattan, I couldn't take my mind of Magnus. It still pained me to think of what he had done to me, or even just about him at all, but…being the biggest Pop staron the planet, it was hard not to notice him, not to feel the pain inside every time he made an appearance with his new_ toy_…every time I saw him shine…not that he wasn't shiny before, in fact he lived covered in glitter.

During the first few years, I had felt a certain nostalgia.I had thought that even if _we_ hadn't made it, he was still following his dream. I managed to feel happy for was until his songs turned into commercial soulless shit…then I started to hate him, because he hadn't done that to me just because of his dream, but because of _fame_, the bitch could take even the stronger of us, not that Magnus hated the attention…in fact the complete had always been flamboyant and exuberant, proud of who and what he was. He had shown me that being gay wasn't a sin or something to be ashamed of. Well, that until I decided to man up and tell my parents the truth, only to get disowned and became _he-who-we-must-not-speak-of_…at least I had something in common with Voldemort, and I still had my brother and sister, who didn't care at all about my sexual orientation.

I scowled, seeing the packed entrance of the was no way I could get in without an invitation so I had to wait for _the gang_…I just hoped none of them came alone, I wanted the solitude of a single guy in the bar…yeah I wanted to give into yet another cliché…that was always fun. Knowing that I was there ten minutes early, and I still had to wait another fifteen for them to show up, I took out my iPod and started listening to some music in an attempt to clear my head for a change. When I finally saw the big black Hummer limo, I had to roll my , my brother liked to show how successful he was so the ladies were running for him like hungry hyenas…I was not that type of guy. Sighing, I moved to greet them.

"Hey man!" said Jace, giving me a man hug. "Been seeing any pussies lately?"

"Hi, and I'm not in the mood." I must've sound really angry because he frowned before shrugging, like he didn't care when we both knew he did, and that he would probably ask me about it later."Hey Izzy…so sad that you didn't have enough space."

"Jace showed up in it! I didn't know!" she whined, giving me a tight hug. "Oh well, at least you look nice. Come on!" She took my hand as I waved at the rest of the guys. Kyle had brought Maia, and Simon was with was dragging a little redhead I used to first she was Simon's best friend, but now she was the girl Jace wanted, but much for my own personal amusement, denied his every attempt to date.

"Hey Clary! It's _weird_ to see you here," I said and she rolled her eyes.

"I didn't have much of a choice. Besides, I love Magnus Bane, I couldn't miss this." My own cringe almost made me missJace's reaction…a huge grimace and words like _showoff_ and _prick _leaving his lips, making me there was someone that hated Magnus almost as much as me, it was Jace…not that any of them knew that I hated him for personal reasons, or that I had already met him. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone; it was too hurtful and embarrassing.

Isabelle showed the invitation to the guard and we could all get in. The music was so loud that I knew we wouldn't be able to hear each other if we weren't talking into each other's were lights and lasers engraving the mass of bodies dancing around. I felt Isabelle's hand loosen up and I untangled myself from her. I was not in the mood to be left alone in a table when all of them went dancing, so I sneaked to the bar and sat in one corner…it was nicely _not-so-loud_ in here.

"One beer, one tequila shot please," I said to the nodded, giving me a nice cold beer bottle and a small glass filled with the Mexican heavenly liquor. I emptied the glass in one go, sounding my throat before taking a sip of the lemon the bartender was so nice to give me. I was not a drinker, normally I didn't like to drink, but I knew the nice feeling of being drunk or at least a little lightheaded, and that was exactly what I needed right now. I moved a little to look inside the club. I couldn't see Magnus anywhere, he was probably in a room in the back fucking someone or planning his grand entrance…I really wished I had someone to bet on that with. I took a drink of my beer, but frowned when I saw that it was already empty…okay we were on the right track tonight.

"Another one," I requested, thinking that the place was too damn suffocated, so being practical, I started taking off my shirt, just staying with my black tank top. Much better.

Magnus PoV

I looked around the club. It was what I expected from my birthday party; full house, everybody dancing, drinking and having fun…then why was I so annoyed with all of this? Why did I want to call it a night and go lay in my bed? I was seriously starting to worry myself.

"Come on! Maybe if you go around, you'll find something to get you up!" said Camille in my ear over the high music. I shrugged, before starting to walk among the of them offered me good wishes and hugs…I smiled at them, fake smiles, every time getting way easier. I ended up in the farthest part of the club, right next to the bar where the music wasn't as loud and people could talk somewhat normally. Deciding that I needed a drink, I looked for a spot in the bar, finding only one next to a hot all-in-black gorgeous guy. Oh yes, this party was getting better.

"Hey there sexy," I greeted him, seeing his muscled arms even in the fait light of the club. He took a drink of his beer before answering me.

"Hey," he said, not that happy to be in my presence…that was new…also that he kept eyes were hidden under his black locks, keeping me from knowing anything about his emotions.

"Are you alone?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"Apparently now I'm with _you._" There was a sharpness in his tone that made me frown.

"You should be a little more cheery when you're talking to the host of the party that's providing your drinks." I eyed the three little glasses next to his beer.

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you want me to act like a fangirl?" 

"Fanboy would be much better…but I guess this is nice. If you weren't drunk, would you be screaming like one?"

"Oh, I would be _screaming_ all right." He smiled to himself. Damn, if only I knew if he was…

"Yes I'm gay, and no, I'm not interested." I knew my jaw hit the ground at this statement.

"You are _really_ straightforward." I shook my head, surprised at the way he could read me. "That, for some people, can be rude."

"I'm drunk enough to not give a fuck about pleasing anybody." I looked down…if only I had my old self back, I would be like that…now, not even drunk, I could stand for myself. "You're not happy," he said, making me blink slowly. "Why isn't the_ great_ Magnus Bane happy? Did someone steal your glitter?"

"Believe me, if someone did that, he would be torn to pieces in a second. Do you like my music?" He gave a snort that was probably mixed with laughter.

"No." Again, with the sharp straightforwardness.

"Ouch…my pretty heart is broken." Maybe not so dramatic, but it did hurt…he must've seen my not so happy expression, and a blush started creeping through his cheeks.

"I used to," he whispered,then turned away, like he was embarrassed that he had ever liked it. Yeah, I knew my new music was no better than shit, but it was _nice_ to hear that I had talent in a moment of my life.

"What's your name?" At this he definitely started laughing darkly, like me asking him was a bad joke.

"Let's just stay with '_drunk guy at the bar'._"

"That's not fair." I moved closer and I saw the sapphire shine of his eyes…only one glimpse because he closed them, taking in his last tequila shot, but it was enough to know they were breathtaking. "I would rather call you blue eyes." At this, his body visibly tensed.

"Do you call every person with blue eyes that?"

"Not really." I rested my head on my hand. "Give me a cosmo." The bartender complied, and I started drinking slowly. "So…I can guess you're a _plus one?_"

"What gave you that idea?" He rolled his eyes.

"I remember everyone on my memory could kick some elephant's ass anytime."

"I beg to differ…you didn't answer my question." He spoke distractively.

"What question?" I played dumb.

"I thought you had an amazing memory." He laughed, a sincere one this time.

"Touché." I smiled… a real one for once. "How about we go somewhere else, and I tell you?" He gave me a deep look and I could see the little fight behind his blue orbs.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," he murmured, before standing up. I raised an eyebrow, seeing that I was only about an inch taller than him…that was new…and way hotter. "Sure."

I asked him to follow me with my walked behind me and I could feel his eyes burning in my body…if he wasn't interested, why that look? I guided him through the back door that led to a small parking lot where my car awaited us.

"My place?" he nodded abstinently. We hoped in and I started the engine, turning on the as the Adele melody filled the car, I made my way home.

"Running away from your own party…that's not right," he said looking through the window.

"Who said that I was all right?" _A__nd why the hell did I said that?_ He chuckled lightly before nodding.

"And you don't have your boy toy for the night to help you through boredom?" He turned to look at me, completely scanning my body. I knew I looked good, and he wasn't the first one that had looked at me like that, but for some reason his stare made my skin burn and my pants tighten like no one had done in a long time.

"He said he wasn't interested," I joked getting, a smile in return. "Maybe I'm in the mood for talking…aren't you supposed to be with someone? You're too sexy to be alone."

"I wanted to get drunk…I am drunk now, so mission accomplished." He shrugged.

"You don't look or sound drunk to me." Honestly, he was just a chatty guy.

"I'm an awkward guy when I'm sober." His smile turned smug. "I guess alcohol gives me confidence." We reached the nice building where I had my minute he saw it, his eyes changed from a cloudy baby blue to a severe navy.

"Still want to come in?" He nodded, stepping out. I showed him the way to my we were inside, he took my hand and pulled me to face him, before he cupped my face and started kissing me…I was too stunned and turned on to not kiss him back. His lips were fierce,taking me like he craved for me. I answered with that same eagerness, our bodies practically glued to each hands found their way to my waist as mine got tangled in his black strands. He tasted strongly like alcohol, but at the same time there was a faint taste of something known…something that my body graciously recognized, even if my mind refused to do it. My hand moved to his neck finding a chain. I let my fingers caress it until they came in contact with a unique shape...a shape that I recognized, even in the high of the kiss. Surprised, I ended our lip fight and moved my hand to turn on the light, really observing the man in front of me. His porcelain skin, his messy black hair, the dark clothes, faint blush and amazing sapphire eyes.

"Alexander," I said, and like the spell was broken, his eyes widened and he took a step back. He was Alec...he…he practically ran out of the apartment like I was some sort of poison to him… I was frozen on the spot, not making any attempt of following him because yes, maybe I was poison to him but… but not even after six years could I hold back the crazy beating of my heart at the thought of him. I had kissed him again…I knew how he looked now, and for the first time in a long time, I knew that there was a way I could find him again and finally make things right "I won't let you go again."


	2. Chapter 2

**Well first of all thank you for all your reviews! You people rock! And I know, I know some of you are confused…well that's part of the story xD**

**Again I own nothing, Cassie Clare does xD**

**Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 2

Magnus PoV

Alexander Lightwood…fuck, every time I thought of him I got the image of this wimpy, skinny, nerdy kid with huge specks and blush…certainly not the sex God fucking Adonis that I had seen last night…_what the fuck? _Did he put himself in the Captain America's sexy-making machine? Was he a government experiment to see if they could bring up all the hotness? Seriously I was freaking out…I growled closing my eyes remembering the first time we had met each other…

"_FUCK!" I yelled swigging my guitar back and forward like a baseball bat in one of my _little_ Magnus Bane tantrums, it was so frustrating to not find a nice lyric to present to the talent scouts "Fucking shitty people!" I was gaining attention, I knew that and normally I was way more mature than this but I had to write a new song today because my stupid ass agent wanted to show something new, fresh and meaningful…what the fuck? Did he think that songs were like breathing? That comes and goes at will? Well sorry big ass sir but with pressure things can't be done "Argh!" I gave one hard swing back freezing when something…or _someone _stopped my guitar with a hard thud…oh, oh. I turned around and saw a boy laying on the grass with his hands on his face. Fuck. First of course I looked at my guitar for any real damage…bones could get back in place, guitars couldn't get fixed…after making sure my baby was fine I put it aside and looked down at the guy kneeling at his side "Are you ok?" I grimaced seeing his broken glasses…shit that would cost me._

"_Not bleeding" he murmured touching his nose before looking at his fingers "I'm ok I guess" he started sitting looking down, his frown not leaving his face._

"_Let me see" I moved my hand to his chin lifting it and I almost lost my breath when I saw a pair of big turquoise eyes looking back at me blinking fast. He had milky white skin, black long lashes and charcoal dark hair…a true beauty of nature…that had a huge red bruise on his forehead._

"_You're…shiny" he said not loosing his amazed expression making me chuckle. Well I lived covered in glitter, and now I was wearing a neon pink tee, black vest and black jeans…I was fairly normal, well except for my spiked rainbow hair that was._

"_And you're…" I looked down at him, he was wearing a hideous black-ish sweater, faded jeans and black vans "Not" he rolled his eyes and I could see a hint of humor even if he hadn't smile "Can you get up?" I stood and offered him my hand, he nodded shyly before grabbing it and standing, he was about five inches shorter than me…well ever sense high school started, everybody was shorter than me. He began looking at his broken glasses grimacing and I bit my lip "Come on!" I said pulling his hand._

"_What?" he frowned not moving from the spot…for a skinny wimp he was kind of strong._

"_I'm going to get you some new glasses, I broke those after all" I pulled again making him follow me, he still had that confused expression adorning his childlike features, I wondered how old he was "How old are you?"_

"_Sixteen going on seventeen…you?"_

"_Seventeen…but you look younger" he looked down blushing _hard_._

"_My dad say's I'm a late bloomer…supposedly runs in the family" and he sounded like he didn't believe that crap at all…well me neither, but he still was…kind of…cute._

"_Genetics it's a bitch" I joked "And how am I supposed to call you blue eyes? Do you have a name?" I hadn't let go of his hand and he wasn't fighting to get it back…it felt nice._

"_Alexander Lightwood" he made an unsure expression before correcting himself "Alec…Alec Lightwood"_

"_I think I'll stick with Alexander" I purred thinking that it was a delicious name before seeing our hands and shaking it reminding him that he was still taking it "Nice to meet you…I'm Magnus Bane" and for the first time I could see his small smile and I was sure that with that, that wimpy dark kid had stolen me forever._

A loud knock got me out of my memories, sighing I got up from my spot on the couch and walked to the entrance door sliding my feet in my new burgundy slippers. I reached the door and took a look through the peek hole only seeing a mass of gold locks…Camille.

"Nobody's home!" I yelled not in the mood for explanations.

"I bet that _nobody_ wants to know that he was photographed with a really sexy guy walking out of the club in the middle of his birthday party" by the time she finished saying this I had already opened the door looking at her with my mouth wide open.

"They have Alec's picture!" I saw that she was holding a news paper so I snatched it from her and ran back to the couch not waiting for her to get in, I sat and looked through the pages until I saw it, the big headlines _MAGNUS BANE'S NEW GUY…H.O.T.!_ My heart started beating like a maniac when I saw the picture, Alec looking at me as we both hopped inside my car…at least his face wasn't clear enough but you could really see his body…_yes he is hot!_ "He wont like this" I murmured to myself passing a hand through my damp hair…yes I was so involved in thoughts of him that I was wearing no make up at all…just a simple yellow tee and some sweats…I swear I would only let Camille look at me like this.

"Who is he?" she asked sitting beside me and picking up the furry white ball I called my cat and started caressing it…I had never given Chairman Mew the chance to meet Alec…I wondered if he liked him…what was I saying knowing Alexander he was probably allergic to cats…on the other hand maybe his sexy making machine had also cured him for this…yeah I hoped that was the case.

"A…friend" the truth was that I didn't even know how to call him "That I hadn't seen in a long time and that probably hates me" I moved so I was laying on the couch, she remained sitting next to my waist looking at me frowning.

"Oh…maybe he came to have fun with you…to make up" she put her hand on my stomach her eyes getting concerned. I kept my eyes at the ceiling…if some days ago it was hard to focus enough to get any kind of good music from my brain, today that was a clear impossible task…I could still feel his lips against mine, his rock hard body pushing me to him…normally I didn't like it when guys manhandled me but with him it was different…it had always been different.

"He doesn't like parties" I mumbled lamely "And I don't think he wanted to see me"

"Then why was he there? Why did he talk to you" _Good question_…it was clear for his initial bitterness that he didn't like me and I could guess that he was still a little pissed about the past but then again, why the hell did he go to the party knowing that he would see me there?

"Beats me…he wasn't on the list so someone must've invited him…or maybe he was one of your guests…do you know Alexander Lightwood?"

"Do you think that if I knew who he was I would've come here asking you about him?" she raised her eyebrow…_oh, right_ "But I do know a Lightwood…Jace Lightwood"

"Maybe they're brothers"

"How is he? Physically I mean" I made a dreamy expression thinking of him.

"Almost as tall as me…he has a deep dark black hair, so messy and yet so sexy…he has milky skin…smooth and beautiful even without make up…his body is so tight and hot…and his eyes…it's impossible to describe how many shades of blue they can hold" I closed my eyes trying to mix the new and the old Alec…he had changed, a lot but I wanted to believe that just as his bluntness much things hadn't changed about him "And he wears black every fucking day"

"Then I don't think they're brothers, Jace is blond as in completely blond" well that brought my hopes down "But I could ask him…you know, the name isn't all that common they could be cousins or something"

"Yeah…please do that, I really need to talk to him" she narrowed her eyes.

"Didn't you come here to talk?" I avoided her gaze…she was my best friend, the person I trusted the most…I could guess she deserved to know about him.

"We kissed…he freaked out and ran"

"He's straight" I shook my head "Then he's stupid for turning you down like that"

"No…I'm the one that's stupid for turning him down six years ago"

Alec PoV

Pain…soreness…hurt…ache…_hangover_.

I groaned when some loud knocks got me out of my sweet slumber… I didn't want to open my eyes…I wanted to stay there and not think of last night at all.

"Go away" I growled into the bed.

"ALEC OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!" it was Izzy's voice…well sorry baby sis but fuck off. The knocks seized and just when I thought I could sleep again I heard the door getting open…shit, Jace knew where I kept my spare key…I groaned taking the covers and putting them above my head as I heard my siblings' angry stops "You escaped the party with Magnus Bane! I'm so proud of you!" squeaked Isabelle before jumping on the bed embracing me in a big hug while I was completely frozen…how the hell did she know that?

"So big bro" started Jace with his usual smug smile…I didn't need to see him to know that he was grinning like that "Did you get some? Are you going to walk funny?" _Bastard._

"No!" I said moving away the covers and taking my sister off from me "And how do you know?" the stood silent looking at me like I was an alien…ok weird enough.

"You're not going to stutter that it wasn't truth?" asked Izzy.

"Why would I do that? Now let me sleep" not caring much about how had they gotten their information I pushed my sister out of the way and covered myself again thinking that the massive headache might shatter my skull if I didn't sleep sooner.

"You're in the papers…with Magnus…" started Jace.

"Don't care…go away"

"If I prepare you my special drink to get rid of the hangover, would you tell us why the hell are you acting so _un-Alec-ish_ with all of this?" I thought her words for about three seconds…damn if someone knew to cure hangovers was my sister…and I guessed I had to tell them about Magnus at some moment…better now that I knew I was still a little drunk than any other moment.

"Deal" I felt the movement of the bed when she got off. Groaning I moved till I was seated and then stood stretching.

"So really, did you have fun last night?" smiled Jace looking at me like seeing me like shit was the most amusing thing in the world.

"I kissed The Magnus Bane…how do you think it was?"

"WHAT?" we heard Isabelle from the kitchen scream while Jace began laughing before walking to me and palming my back.

"I'm proud big bro, finally Alec got out of his shell" I rolled my eyes as we both walked out of the room and into the kitchen where Izzy was giving me a wide eyed look.

"You kissed?" she blurted.

"I went to his house…why are you so surprised about us kissing?" I sat in the table letting forehead fall into it.

"Because you're Alec…you don't go to parties, you don't get drunk and you certainly don't go with strangers to their houses and make out…that's Jace's job" I decided to not speak further because…yes, they were absolutely right and after last night I would not drink again in my life and as much as it pained me I would stay the hell away from Magnus…too many things happened inside me when I spoke to him to let myself fall again and let him crush me…some things in history weren't meant to repeat themselves.

"So…ready to explain?" said Jace when Isabelle put a steaming cup near me…I had no idea what it contained and I was not close to ask, I just took it between my hands and sipped feeling the hot liquid run through my throat.

"What do you want to know?" they sat in the table looking at me.

"Well, how did you meet? Did he approached you or you were drunk enough to make a move?" inquired Izzy making me smile at the memory of how we met…I couldn't tell her that, I decided to stay only in last night events.

"I was sitting at the bar, happily drinking tequila and he came and started talking to me" I shrugged.

"You act like he's just _some guy_…he _is_ Magnus Bane, a big Popstar and came to you!" I grimaced and she mirrored my expression "Why don't you like him? You haven't even given the chance to know him…or did something happen last night?"

"Oh I know him" I took another sip under their questioning gaze "I know his type" I corrected myself "And I don't like it…last night we just kissed and I was out…I don't even think he'll remember me now"

"He was _that_ drunk?" asked Jace…_yeah let's go with that_…after all even with…well _everything_…he didn't recognize me…and as much as I hated to admit it, it hurt.

"Guys, do you think that I've changed? Let's say sense I was seventeen…am I different?" I chuckled at their puzzled looks "Physically speaking"

"Well yeah, I still cant believe you grew just out of genetics…I'm sure you got steroids…a big dose of them" smiled Jace who at first had hated the fact that now I was taller than him and stronger…only when I was really into the fight, which was a rare thing.

"And my face?" I looked at Izzy knowing that Jace wouldn't know about that, he only observed things that were interesting to him…such as petite red heads.

"Amm…your jaw is stronger" she made a concentration pout, biting her lip and frowning "Your brows aren't as ugly as before…I don't know, where is this coming from?"

"One more" I raised my index finger "Do I look that much different if I'm not wearing my glasses?"

"Definitely" they both said making me smile…maybe Magnus didn't recognize me because _I _was really different…not because he didn't remember…after all he did remember my necklace…_but that didn't matter because he was an asshole and I was not going to think more about him!_

"I-I…" I tried to tell them the truth but Jace's phone started ringing, he made an apologetic smile before answering.

"Camille? Hi…good and you…Alec Lightwood?" he raised his brow at me, I started shaking my head like a maniac, he must've seen my panicked expression because his smile fell and frowned at me "No I don't…just Izzy and me…yeah, bye" he hung up and glared at me "Speak now"

"I'm not a dog you know" I rested my head in my hands.

"But you did speak" he laughed making me grimace "Now, what is going on?"

"Why do you care? Normally you don't care about my life why is it any different now?" I started not linking that change of events at all, I wanted Magnus buried in my past where he belonged…and certainly Jace wasn't the person that should be digging in my past in the first time.

"Because you're our brother, and even if I don't show it I care about your problems…"

"My problems? Why don't you start caring about your little gambling obsession?" he paled at my words "Yes, you're not as clever as you think! And now I don't want to talk about Magnus! So please leave me alone!" I stood up and stomped to my room closing the door with a hard bang…if I was a woman I could blame this whole scene on PMS but I wasn't…then what could I blame for being like this? I shook my head before going back to bed and bumping myself on it, I didn't know if they were going to stay there or leave me alone and I didn't care, I just wanted to stay there and think.

Magnus Bane…a walking rainbow…eccentric, self absorbed, loud…everything I that I wasn't…when I first met him he was like a lightning struck, and not just because he literally hit me but because he made such an impact in my life that it was hard not to think of anything that wasn't him.

I fell for him the first time I heard him sing…coincidently it was a song for me. We had been sitting on the park, our usual place to meet…it was weird how easy was to talk to him being that he was the popular kid in his school and me…I was invisible to everybody. We used to communicate through music, he made the melody while I added the lyrics, occasionally just fooling around and saying any silly thing that came to our minds somehow making them have some sort of sense. One afternoon I got there in the verge of tears, some bully from school had been specially hard that day…he saw right through me even if I refused to tell him anything, he started playing his guitar…seeing him completely colorful under the decorated Christmas trees at the park made my hear give leaps, knowing that I could never find someone more perfect than him…he had smiled at me before starting his song.

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains

And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins

Cuz your heart has a lack of color and we should've known

That we'd grow up sooner or later cuz we wasted all our free time alone

Your nerves gather with the altitude

Exhale the stress so you don't come unglued

Somewhere there is a happy affair, a ghost of a good mood

Wide eyed, panic on the getaway

The high tide could take me so far away

VCR's and motorcars unite on the Seventh Day

A popular gauge will measure the rage of the new Post-Modern Age

Cuz somewhere along the line all the decades align

"_Sing with me!" he started jumping around with his guitar saying crazy phrases every now and then while I laughed._

"_That should be your signature song" I said hugging my knees completely mesmerized by the crazy guy I had in front of me, maybe I had been a little blinded by the sun, but now that I could see clearly, there was nothing more beautiful than a dancing rainbow._

"_I guess…you're right" he sat next to me smiling "At least it made you smile, but it doesn't make much sense"_

"_Who says it has to? Its fun" I turned to see him, his green-yellow eyes glowing before he turned to face me._

"_I know another thing that's fun" he cupped my chin and caressed my lips with his own in a very faint, very short and sweet kiss…I was sure I was a tomato by the time he pulled away smiling "Fun?"_

"_Fun"_

If only I had known that yes, it was fun for him, but only that and no matter how good he had treated me in the end it didn't matter because for him I had been just another toy…a new and entertaining brand, geeky gay loosers that needed time to make them comfortable and then break their hearts…_fun_.

A part of me still burned in shame while other part, a quickly growing part wanted to give him a taste of his own soup, because even if I tried to fool myself, the kiss we had shared last night was not a meaningless one, he had felt it and I was sure I had too…but what could a songwriter looser do against The great Magnus Bane?

**Last day of vacation T.T I wanna cry! Well not really, I want to go back yeah…to wake up at 5 for my 7am classes, to try not to fall asleep in most of those classes and to have lots of homework…oh college, what a beauty!**

**Hahaha ok there you have it! Did you like it? Hated it? Loved it? Reviews? Pretty please? xD**

**Take care!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Another chapter to go! Okay so updates won't be as fast because now I'm starting school and another story, just be patient please xD**

**Enjoy!**

**P.D. Song used: Not Afraid by Earshot**

CHAPTER 3

Alec PoV

I bit my lip as I read what I had just written…it was a sick joke to know that every time I thought of Magnus I could write an entire song in less than thirty minutes…this was it, the perfect song we needed to the deluxe album. I sounded my throat before taking the sheet and put it inside my notebook and walked to the studio…just an hour before my deadline, classic. When I reached the building –happily not too far from home- I smiled when I saw the guys anxiously waiting my arrival and Jace oddly using a scarf.

"Got into a new fashion trend?" I asked him getting a glare in return as I waved the others.

"Cold" he mumbled in a raspy voice before making a low growl…he despised being sick, for me sometimes it felt nice…I was crazy I knew that, but for a healthy person it was a nice every other season experience.

"And how are you going to get the song ready in two days? I told you those late night…"

"I don't want to hear…" and his voice was gone making everybody in the room laugh.

"Oh, the great Jace at last silenced…it's like that Penelope movie and the whiny mother" spoke Simon and I rolled my eyes…too much pop culture for my linking.

"One of you will have to sing it so we can get the melody done" started Luke, their agent "And Jace, you better keep that voice to yourself so you'll get better sooner, for now focus on the guitar" Jace nodded.

"Who will sing it?" I took out the sheet looking at the guys…they exchanged a look before I started to see four smiles slowly making their way to their faces.

"You" they said in unsound.

"I can't sing"

"Y-yeah you can…" Jace glared at me before taking a notebook and writing down in big letters "_I've heard you, you're just stage fright"_

"I can't" he rolled his eyes before grinning, joining his hands in a praying way and giving me the fucking puppy eyes he mastered the moment he learned he would have an older brother…and just like every time Izzy did them, I knew I was lost.

"Fine" I groaned walking to sit in one of the couches "What am I supposed to do?" Jace walked to sit with me taking the lyrics to read them, when he was done he shot me a very cryptic look before sighing and writing something in his notebook.

"_I feel like a retard doing this. Oh well, read it and try to do what feels right…it's easy for me, it shouldn't be impossible for you_" said this he got up and walked to his guitar. I sighed, I knew how to do this, I had done it thousands of times with Magnus but then again I didn't want to think of him, it had been three weeks sense I last saw him and I still couldn't get him out of my mind, the memory of that kiss hunted me even in my dreams, making me wake up with a wet set of pajama pants like a hormonal teen…it wasn't fair. I closed my eyes hearing the drums, Kyle started with something soft and then he just got into it getting a little crazier before he stopped, then I heard Simon softly playing the bass…I looked at the lyrics, that first verse could be somehow spoken. I bit my lip, the next one was the chorus, that could give energy to the song because yeah I wanted it to have energy, I wanted to be a _slap in your face_ kind of song…I wanted Magnus to hear it and feel that it was meant for him…now all I had to do was get the balls to sing with the guys…_easy as pie_…if only singing was as simple as sarcasm.

"At least read it out loud" spoke Kyle "That way we could help you" I grimaced and took a deep breath before I started reading letting Simon´s melody as the base to the song.

Don't leave me alone  
>I'm feeling so numb<br>I need you to be here, I need you to call  
>and everything's wrong<br>a beautiful shame  
>everything's ugly, hazy, and gray<br>doesn't it hurt?  
>Trick and control you<br>deceive and destroy you  
>doesn't it hurt?<br>Forget and move on  
>I'm here and I'm strong<br>I've got you to blame when it's finally done.

I'm not afraid  
>of these feelings here inside<br>I'm sure someday I'll let go of all this hate for you...  
>I'll let go of all this hate.<p>

Does it make you feel inside what you've never felt before?  
>Does it promise you a life, but that left you all alone?<br>Doesn't it hurt?  
>Trick and control you<br>deceive and destroy you  
>doesn't it hurt?<br>Forget and move on  
>I'm here and I'm strong<br>I've got you to blame when it's finally done

I'm not afraid  
>of these feelings here inside<br>I'm sure someday I'll let go of all this hate for you...  
>I'll let go of all this hate.<p>

I'm not afraid  
>of these feelings here inside<br>I'm sure someday I'll let go of all this hate for you...  
>I'll let go of all this hate.<p>

When I was done the guys were looking at me, again like I was an alien, why did everybody look at me like that lately? There was nothing wrong with me, _right?_

"Looks like somebody broke Alec's heart" commented Simon, I bit my lip my eyes trying to look anywhere that wasn't my brother's golden ones, that until he made and angry sound, got up grabbed my by the arm and pulled me to another room.

"Are you sure you_ just_ met Magnus?" _oh look, my shoes are interesting!_ "Alec please man, trust me…tell me something" I frowned hearing his hurtful tone even in his faint voice, I raised my eyes, he had his arms crossed and was looking at me "You didn't trust me when you found out you were gay, and now wherever has you like this you're not telling me either" he sounded his throat "Aren't I supposed to be your best friend?"

"You are" I spoke lamely.

"Then talk to me!"

"Shh, you'll get worse if you keep talking" I wouldn't want to have his lost voice in my conscience; he nodded then raised his eyebrow inviting me to talk "Can we do this in another time?" I asked hopeful, he shook his head making me sigh and lay my back against the wall before sliding to sit in the floor, he followed me not moving his eyes…I was sure I was blushing, not because of his look, _specifically_, any person that gave me that much attention was rewarded with a huge blush, that I hated with all my being "No"

"No what?"

"At the bar…that wasn't when I met Magnus for the first time"

Magnus PoV

Three weeks sense I last saw Alec, and three weeks sense I was myself.

Years had passed sense I felt this lost, this numb. I knew I was falling into that emptiness again, I felt it in the edges of my mind, pulling me down little by little every day. Years ago I was saved by a nerdy kid…now I was drowning in my own woe thanks to that same boy. Some could ask why did I feel like this, I was a popular singer, I had it all…being that in truth I had nothing…_even my cat had escaped_.

I was laying on my bed curled in a ball trying to sleep away my life, maybe if I could sleep and never wake up I´ll dream of something better…what could be better than pop stardom? Simple, it would be better if my mother hadn't died giving birth to me, or that my father hadn't hated me for that same reason…being all even worst when he found out I was a fag, _a queer that loved it in his ass_…that loved fashion and singing, certainly not the badass football player he and my mother hoped for. This no one knew, no one but a boy I met in a park, but that didn't make things better, because being myself I broke that boy´s heart when he needed me the most, only because I thought I deserved better, because I thought that being rich and famous would give me everything I had ever wanted…sometimes I think that it would had been nice of me if I would only make a clean cut, talk to him alone, maybe like that he wouldn't hate me that much…but no, I loved drama and I had to make him understand of how low he was, of how out of my league he stood…I didn't have mercy and now I regretted that simple decision with all my heart. As the years passed by fame began to lose its shine leaving me with fake people, fake smiles and fake songs…until that pair of impossible blue eyes appeared again. He had pretty much told me that he hated my music, clarifying that he used to like it, which meant that I had to get my ass to work and write real music again, to stop my big ass producer and get a hold of things again…even if I didn't see Alec again.

I had been moping around for the last fifteen days, leaving my eyes swollen, my hair a mess, my clothes wrinkly and gross…I hadn't even shaved…I was a disaster and it was_ preoccupying _that I couldn't bring myself to care.

"This has to stop!" yelled a voice I hadn't heard in a long time. Ragnor Fell, my brother from another mother was there and ready to take me away from my beloved misery "Oh, my God! Mag what´s wrong with you!" he stood in front of my face, I didn't bother to look up, I just took my blanket and covered myself with it.

"Let me be" I mumbled.

"All of this for a guy? Mag, none of your boys had ever made you feel like this, it was just one night…"

"No"

"More nights?"

"He´s the boy from the park" I heard him stop moving, he knew about Alec, about three years ago I had gotten myself drunk enough to tell him how stupid I was to let him slip away from me…or in better words, for pushing him away.

"Camille said you kissed" I felt his hand rubbing my shoulder.

"I´m confused…he was drunk and acting…not like himself, I didn't recognize him, we chatted a little at the bar and when we came here he kissed me…damn where did he learn to kiss like that?" I passed my hand through my face "Then I felt his chain…the one I gave to him around his neck…it was like something broke inside him, he looked at me almost in fear then he took off…and I can´t find him" I heard him sigh.

"At least you saw him again…"

"Tell me this dear friend, if someone gave you a taste of…chocolate, and then tell you that you couldn't eat it again in your life, would you be happy that you got to taste it or angry because life was cruel enough to give you a piece of heaven and then tell you that there would be no more!" I said getting out of my covers to look at him, he grimaced clearly seeing my point "I know I could hire the best investigator in the world to find him, but what would it matter if he wouldn't see me…he knows where I live, I´m not hard to find, every person that works for me knows that the name Lightwood will always be welcomed to me…I won´t see him again, not because he´s lost, but because I know he doesn't want that"

"What did you guys talk about?"

"My music…it was me asking and him deciding if his answer would be real or vague…he hates my music" I pulled up my knees hugging them "He liked the old ones though"

"Maybe you can tell him how you feel…"

"What good would that do? I hurt him" I pointed at myself "I´m the bastard that broke his heart, how could he let me talk to him?"

"But you could tell him anyways…I´m sure that even if he doesn't like them he hears your songs…if any part of the guy from the park is still in there, he will hear you…sing to him, write everything you feel right now and make it a song, I´m sure he´ll know it´s for him" I bit my lip thinking about his words…he was right, maybe by talking he wouldn't hear me, but with music I could pour my heart out and leave it to him to decide. I knew he was still pissed and in all this time I hadn't done anything to show him how much I cared, perhaps it was time to start that.

Alec PoV

"When was it?" he asked softly.

"Six years ago" his brows raised surprised "Jace, could we go and talk somewhere else, this storage room it´s giving me claustrophobia…let´s go to my place and I´ll tell you everything I promise" I scratched my head.

"I guess we can" he sighed getting up and offering his hand to pull me up. We walked out and went to the studio where the rest of the band was chatting calmly "Guy´s we need to go to Alec´s house, he´ll help me get the melody done, tomorrow we´ll finish up this thing"

"Yeah, more free time" smiled Simon before walking to me and putting his hand on my shoulder "It´ll get better"

"I hope so" I pattered his back and waved at Kyle before leaving the place behind Jace, the minute we walked outside two _HUGE_ guys approached us.

"Evening gentleman" said Jace, his voice sharp and poisonous "Alec wait here for me, I need to talk to these two"

"I´m not leaving you" I frowned stepping closer to him.

"Let him be pretty boy" one of the man said to me "Stay here or things will get uglier" ok, that wasn't scary at all. My eyes moved to Jace but he was already walking away with one of the dudes, I anxiously waited for him ready to jump and help him at any time, luckily they just exchanged some angry words before my brother hurried beside me and pulled me in the other direction.

"Speak now" he shook his head, his eyes turning into the cold gold I knew very well from every time he closed himself to the exterior, I knew I wouldn't get anything from him at this moment. The rest of the walk was silent, each one of us in his own thoughts.

I was mad at Magnus for not letting me be myself, for not letting me move on, for having the ghost of the dancing rainbow hunting my every breath and feeling. I wanted to believe in the sadness I had seen inside his eyes at the bar, at the shine of hope that I saw in those yellow-green orbs when he found out it was me…but the hate I still had for him was too much to let go. The lyrics of that song was enough to keep me sane at the moment, it was the simple truth of how I felt and I knew that as soon as Jace read it he would know that it was exactly how I felt. We reached my apartment, got inside and sat in the living room…I started playing with my fingers, I habit I had sense I could remember for moments like this when I felt someone watching me like Jace was.

"What happened six years ago?" I was sure he remembered how things had gone downhill for me in that year, Jace was not stupid, I was sure that he knew that all of what had happened in my life when I was seventeen was thanks to that singer.

"I was in love with you when we were younger" he paled at this but kept his steady expression "Until I met a guy in a park" I closed my eyes letting the memories overtake me for the first time sense that day at the school´s prom…it was going to be a long chat.

**OMG he´s gonna tell Jace the truth! Hahaha I get excited over my own stories…I guess that´s good, right? Haha**

**You know the rant! Love it? Hate it? Review?**

**Take care!**

**P.D. Short chapter I know, but next one will make up for it! I promise!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh God, I'm literally falling asleep in here! And its only 8:20pm! So inhuman! Hahaha Oh well I couldn't stay away from my Malec xD**

**Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 4

Alec PoV

_Six years ago…_

_I was running. My legs ached and burned not completely used to the workout; my chest hurt from the lack of air, I couldn't even breath right; my face felt cold, stinging from the fine cold breeze of December…I had told them, I told my parents that I was gay and they threw me out, calling me every name in the book…you weren't supposed to do that to your seventeen year old son! Where was the real parental love? With my teary eyes I couldn't see a crack in the sidewalk and tripped going to the ground hard, my knees and hands stung bleeding lightly, I didn't care. I passed my clothed hand through my face to clean away my tears before standing up and walking the rest of the way to a cafe where I knew Magnus loved to hang out…I needed him, I needed to see his reassuring smile, his soft eyes, I needed to have him there telling me that things would be all right, that this pain I felt would submit over time…I wanted him, plain and simple, he was the reason I had told my parents the truth, not wanting to keep him away, I wanted to show him how much I cared about him. I sniffed as I pushed the entrance door open and looked around hoping I didn't look as pathetic as I felt…There he was…with another guy´s arm around his shoulder…I stopped cold feeling the rest of my broken heart shatter little by little…but I couldn't believe it, maybe he was just a friend, Magnus was a really touchy person it was nothing it was…he was kissing Magnus. My whole world started spinning, but I couldn't believe it…I had thought we had something, something good and special, I was certain that I loved him and I thought he cared about me too…I took a couple of steps before standing in front of them._

"_M-Magnus?" he stopped kissing the other guy and turned to look at me with a bored expression._

"_Oh, hi Alec" he gave me a fake smile, one that I had only seen him portray when he talked to his producer "This is Gerardo, he´s from Spain" he kissed the guy´s cheek slowly, then gave two faint kisses into his jaw and neck "Anything you want darling?"_

"_Y-you´re kissing another guy" I spoke lamely feeling my cheeks turn pink in embarrassment._

"_Well I am captain obvious, anything else?"_

"_I-I t-thought we…"_

"_We? Alec darling, there is no _we_" he interrupted me without losing his mile until he widen his eyes and let out a dry chuckle "Wait, wait…you didn't think…oh my god you did! You thought _we_ were together?" at this even the other guy started chuckling, my throat started closing and my eyes began to burn trying to get tears out, but no, I was not going to cry in front of him…not even if thanks to him my heart was no more than dust._

"_Yes" I said simply gathering the little strength I had left to look him in the eye, his yellow-green eyes looking at me back indifferently._

"_Aww poor thing…darling we are barely friends, I´m sorry but someone like me could never go out with someone like _you_" he looked me from head to toe like I was an ugly Christmas sweater…I couldn't take this anymore._

"_You know…I´ve just told my parents that I´m g-gay…a-and you know what? They told me they hated me, they called me a fag, they threw me out of the house and told me that I was no son of theirs…I did it for you…because I didn't want you to think that I was ashamed of you" I lowered my gaze letting out a dark chuckle "I guess it was the other way around…I´m glad they didn't give me the time to tell them…imagine a poor gay looser son and that thought the most amazing guy could love him when he really was a charity work…I guess I´m lucky, right?" I raised my eyes and smiled at him "Good bye Magnus" I took a step back noticing everyone in the establishment looking at me, I was sure I was completely blushed but I still walked out swearing to myself that I wouldn't let anyone in again…I was too young to have suffered this much, first loving –or thinking that I loved- someone that could never love me back they way I wanted him to, and then…loving a person like I couldn't even think I could love and having my heart crushed by that same person…it was too much._

I was sure that if I dropped a needle I would be able to hear it like a drum at this moment. I had told Jace my greatest and most embarrassing secret…it was weird how I wasn't_ that_ affected by telling it, I felt calm…maybe a little anxious about what he would do but nothing more…maybe time did cure this sort of stuff…at least the burning shame, because I was completely sure I still loved Magnus like a maniac.

"Would you mind if I killed him?" asked Jace making me chuckle even if he sound pretty angry it felt good to have him there.

"Sadly…I would" I looked at my hands in shame…_yay me for falling for the impossibles._ Damn, this was overly embarrassing, there I was all pathetic in front of Jace, the less pathetic person I knew...who was giving me a frown.

"Fuck, Alec, do you still like him?" I nodded silently "And you went with him that night? Even after what he did to you?" another nod…yes I knew I had screwed up, no need to remind me.

"I was drunk, I didn't stop to think about what I was doing…besides he didn't recognize me, I figured we could…spend the night and then be gone in the morning…just to know how could've been" I looked away knowing that my face was probably neon pink by now. We stood silent for a while, it was a little awkward but after being the last one to know that I was gay, Jace had demanded more thrust from me and here it was…and I was kind of happy that he wasn't backing away even if it was weird for him to talk about this.

"That's why you asked us if you had changed, right?" his voice wasn't as faint as before but both of us knew he shouldn't be talking this much if he wanted to perform in three days.

"Y-yeah…" I sounded my throat "But he…he found this" I showed him my necklace, the small silver rune hanging from the chain "He said that it was an ancient rune that would give me confidence in myself…its called fearless…I felt kind of weird without it so I never took it off…I never do" I caressed it with my thumb, maybe I was a fool for liking that thing this much, but something told me that it wasn't just a simple gift, that when he gave it to me he had meant his words…maybe just taking pity on me.

"So you went to his apartment, then what happened?"

"We kissed, he found this, he turned on the lights and he saw who I was…the moment he whispered my name I snapped out of it and panicked…then I ran and here we are…"

"You mean…you know where he lives?"

"It's all kind of foggy, not completely sure" I shook my head, Jace passed a hand through his face before letting his head fall to the couch.

"Do you know what's so special about Clary?" he inquired crossing his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.

"That she's immune to your charm?" I asked in a not too happy voice, I didn't hate Clary anymore but I did not agree to talk about her when we were supposed to be talking about my problems.

"No" he opened one eye to glare at me "And she's not, she's just playing hard to get" he closed his eye again "She's special because I remembered her" I snorted a disbelieving laugh but he kept talking like he hadn't been interrupted "She made such an impact in my life that I couldn't forget about her even if I tried to go out with other girls…she was constantly in my mind, that's when I decided to stop trying to get my mind of her" he eyed me like with that I would see some kind of light…I was lost.

"I still don't know what this has to do with me" he rolled his eyes.

"It's not hard to know that the only Magnus and I have in common is that we're both players" he grinned smugly and it was my turn to roll my eyes even if I also knew that was true "But he remembered you…not just a hint, he remembered he gave you that necklace and he remembered your name…I think that it was kind of like Clary and I…" he trailed off looking at me waiting for some sort of reaction, sorry I was still lost "He still likes you Alec…and I don't know about what happened all those years ago but if you…the most pessimistic person I know, got to think that he felt something for you its probably because he did feel something" I grimaced…no way in hell that Magnus cared or had ever cared about me, he had said it to my face, I was not going to start hoping again only because Jace and his new found romanticism wanted me to.

"Magnus it's not like you, he doesn't care about me…he just has a really good memory" I stood up "I don't want to keep talking about this, you need to finish that song and I need to sleep…"

"You have to help me with the song, I might be able to speak but I can't sing a word" the bastard grinned knowing that I wouldn't refuse.

"Fine" I glared at him crossing my arms.

"I'm hungry"

"So?"

"Feed me"

"Go feed yourself…"

"It's your place, I'm a guest you have to feed me…and besides there's nothing on the fridge"

"I have no money to get your junk food" he took out his wallet moving it in front of me.

"But I do, I'll buy you deliver" I wanted to punch him but at the same time I wanted some of this brotherly afternoon…and yet again, damn him! I snatched the wallet from his hands, took the money and walked out of the apartment.

As I marched to the nearest store I decided to let my mind travel around the pop star…a part of me wanted to think that he was hopeful when he had found out who I was, that perhaps he had thought of me in all that time…yet another part wanted to kick myself in the balls for being such a dreamy wimp and…

"Ah!" I jumped when I felt something in my foot, right after that I looked around completely blushed for my little panic attack, gladly I didn't see anyone close…just a little white ball of fur hanging on my right shoe. I frowned before looking at it closely and rolling my eyes when I distinguished two pointy ears and a little tail…a cat had scared the shit out of me, glad you're already gay Alec. I kneeled down to take its little claws away from my vans only to be looked by a big pair of yellow-green eyes "You've got to be kidding me" I groaned pray of another destiny's prank…_seriously?_ Hating the little cat's eyes I shook it away from my shoe and stomped the rest of the way fuming, something really wanted me to _NOT_ stop thinking about Magnus. I got inside the store and made a quick trip gathering some soda, chips and popcorn thinking that maybe later we could order some take out. I paid and walked out carrying the bags, when I was outside I took a deep breath thinking that maybe coming here was right for my temper, it helmed me cool off…until I heard a faint _meow_ from bellow.

"Really?" I looked at the white kitting that kept eyeing me with those eyes "You followed me here?" I lowered myself to take it between my hands, maybe it was the fact that it was a tiny cat or those hypnotizing eyes but I kind of had the feeling that I had to take care of it, that it was important. I moved to look at its collar finding nothing but the strangest name I had ever seen "Chairman Meow" I chuckled "Well your owner must have quite an imagination…I guess I can keep an eye for somebody looking for you" I sighed starting my walk back home.

When I reached the building I raised my eyebrow noticing Isabelle's car parked in front of it…well after telling Jace I couldn't dodge the truth from her, I didn't love the idea but I had no choice. I carefully placed Meow inside my jacket not wanting the doorman to see him, it was forbidden to have pets in the building, but no one could find this little guy if I kept it hidden in my apartment.

"Afternoon Mr. Johnson" I smiled waving at him, he waved back and before going back to his news paper. I hurriedly climbed the stairs and got inside my place smiling at the cat that was looking rather comfortable in my chest. I moved to look at my siblings calmly watching TV, Izzy was sitting with a pillow on her stomach and Jace laying on that pillow taking most of the space in the sofa.

"Hey Iz" I greeted her letting the bags at the coffee table and sitting on the floor petting the cat's head.

"Hey…Aww who's that?" she squeaked moving to pet the cat almost throwing Jace out of the couch.

"Watch it!" he groaned before lifting him eyebrow to the cat "Another dying soul without a place?" he mocked, yeah I had a thing for helping people and pets, he moved to caress the cat and surprisingly Meow stirred and scratched his hand, I chuckled at the distraught expression that crossed my brother's features.

"I think he doesn't like you" I grinned loving the idea of someone liking me more than him…it was too rare to not do it.

"Stupid ball of hair" he muttered before taking the chips and started eating.

"So, Alec" began Izzy, I stiffened knowing where she was going with that tone.

"Jace tells me you told him about Magnus" I kept silent as she played with her phone clearly only to not get me too nervous, it was kind of working not having her eyes on me "What would you do if he found you and tried to talk to you?"

"Do don't know the story, how…?"

"I'm a girl Alec" she sighed like she thought that I was an idiot that didn't understand the simplest things "Reading the song you wrote and seeing the way you acted, is obvious that you met him before, you totally love him –I thought this even before all this drama- and that song you wrote just confirmed everything" she bit her lip "So? Would you give him a chance?" Would I? I didn't know, and even more why were my two siblings trying so hard to get me in terms with Magnus, they didn't know him, the just knew how hard he had been on me…well Jace knew…this was so confusing.

"I don't know, he will never do it so why bother thinking about it?" I shrugged hugging the cat trying to keep hollowness away from me.

"Don't be so sure" she moved to sit next to me and put her phone on my hands "Magnus twetted this about an hour ago" I swallowed before looking at the phone and for a moment I was sure my heart had stopped beating when I read his latest tweet.

**MyFlanboyantSelf **Magnus Bane

_Blue eyes, I'm sorry…could we start again?_

My whole world started spinning…this was for me, I was completely sure about it but why, why after three weeks? Should I believe in him, should I even be thinking of talking to him?

"Again Alec…what are you going to do?" asked my sister softly.

**Short chapter I know! Sorry! But people its hard to write with hardly any motivation, please please review! I need them to fuel my writing xD I need to know what you like and dislike about this story, its up to you if the story ends in two chapters or in more than five…your choice xD**

**Bye! Take care!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for all the reviews and faves! I love you guys! Now for the next chapter!**

**I own nothing! Cassy Clare does xD**

**Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 5

Alec PoV

**MyFlanboyantSelf**Magnus Bane

_You might not be shiny but you're the only one that could enlighten my life._

**MyFlanboyantSelf**Magnus Bane

_I love your smile…even if I was the one that took it away…._

**MyFlanboyantSelf**Magnus Bane

_Would you sing with me ever again? _

**MyFlanboyantSelf**Magnus Bane

_Can we start again? Can you forgive me?_

**MyFlanboyantSelf**Magnus Bane

_Please…I know you can find me…please, let's just talk._

I looked though Magnus' twitter…this had been going nonstop for over a week…I still had no idea what I was going to do and he seemed determined to get to me somehow…his facebook was the same…damn, the worst was that at first those little messages seemed fun, but as the days went by his words began to sound sad and kind of desperate.

My siblings kept giving me stares every time he twitted something like that…I had no idea how to answer those questions, part of me wanted to run to him and tell him that yes, I still loved him, I wanted him back but then again…did I ever had him at all? Did he love me? Maybe he was just starstruck…I wasn't smug like Jace but I knew I'd gotten better over the years…maybe he just wanted a fuck to get over it, maybe his ego was hurt…I had no idea what to think or do because honestly I didn't know Magnus at all, I didn't know who the real Magnus was, the dancing rainbow at the park or the cruel guy at the cafe I didn't know who the real Magnus was, the dancing rainbow at the park or the cruel guy at the café…not that he hadn't been a little bit of both to the cameras, but we all knew no one was real for the media…Jace for example, he always had shown himself as this self centered dick…but I knew he was far away from that –every now and then when he really needed it-, or Isabelle, a rising model that only showed that she was a plastic strong girl, when really she was…well that but also the best sister in the world…now this was getting to a chick flick moment…where the hell was Jace? I was outside this really creepy warehouse waiting for him as he talked to the scary guys from the other day…why was he talking to those kinds of people? It was safe to say that I was concerned about my brother, he wasn't stupid but he made a lot of stupid choices that normally got him in trouble and I had to pull him out of it…it was no fun but being the older one I had this compulsion to give everything for my younger siblings, all three of them…even if I hadn't seen Max in over two years I still talked to him through rushed phone calls, texts and mails…I missed him but my parents were really strict about my chatting time with him…they probably thought I could rub my _gayness_ in my even nerdier brother.

I shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other, I'd been here for an hour and just as I was about to throw caution thought the window and go see what my brother was up to, the door opened and Jace emerged from it frowning deeply and a little pale…it was hard to get him this off balance.

"Care to tell me what's up?" I asked him as soon as we were at a nice distance from that place.

"Nothing…"

"Jace…"

"I have it under control, ok?" he hissed walking faster.

"You have _what _under control?" I reached to grab his shoulder to stop him but he shrugged me off and walked faster, I huffed knowing that he would tell me what was up later and that I had to swallow my concern until then. I heard my phone buzz and I saw that it was Izzy.

"Hey sis"

"Are you home?" she asked in a nonchalant voice.

"Nope" seeing that Jace didn't want to be reached I continued walking calmly, after all he was going to the studio and I was going home, no point in running after him.

"Well, where are you?"

"…far?" I didn't think that it was right to tell her about the crappy place we were in.

"…okay…can you make it home before six?" I looked at my watch.

"Sure…why? Do you want to come over?" I hoped inside my car, no signs of Jace left so I turned the engine and drove home.

"Yeah, I have to make you watch something, besides I miss Meow" I narrowed my eyes at this, I did not trust my sister when she used that tone, it meant that whatever she was making me watch I wouldn't necessary like it…fuck.

"I don't like that tone of yours"

"Yeah, I know, well hurry up! Bye!" she hung up and I looked at my phone frowning before I sighed and continued my way.

Magnus PoV

I was nervous and that hadn't happen in a long, long time. Why you may ask? Well because after practically stalking Alec through my various internet accounts…not that I knew he had seen any of my messages, everybody knew that I was after somebody, a blue eyed guy, that I had screwed up, that I had a new song for him and that in the next five minutes I would be interviewed about it…I just hoped I could get Alec's attention somehow, I desperately needed to talk to him.

I was currently on a lounge area backstage looking through my fans tweets, some of them claimed to be my blue eyed Adonis –yes inside my mind he was _mine_- but I knew him well enough to know that _if_ he twitted me back, he wouldn't say things like _Baby, I'm yours!_ Or _Yes_ _I forgive you, I could never hate you honey_…I knew that he probably had hated me and that if we talked he would probably say it…besides he was way above the pet names, that was my thing.

"Magnus, you're up" said my assistant, I sighed and got up following her to the stage, I smiled at the people walking to a small bench where my guitar rested, I swallowed remembering all the times we had spent creating crazy stuff with it. I took a breath, sat and began playing.

_We were laying on the grass looking at the orangey sky, it was a nice peaceful day. We were in silence, but it felt nice, a comforting silence…I started humming lightly as I let my fingers ghost around his, when he didn't move his hand away I smiled taking it with my own before turning my head to the side, he was blushed –big surprise- and kept his breathtaking blue eyes looking at the sky as a small smile crept through his lips. He was indeed the most beautiful human being I had ever seen, inside and out...but things couldn't go any further, I had to get my head straight and focus on my career. _

And I remember everything,  
>Everything I loved,<br>I gave it away like it wasn't enough  
>All the words I said and all you forgive<br>How could I hurt you again?

"_I like this" he said sighing before he turned to me "But I have to go" not saying a word I moved to rest my forehead on his closing my eyes, it was nice to have someone like this but lets face it, he was never going to get out of the closet, he would never acknowledge me to the world, he was an innocent soul that wouldn't fit in my world…this had to be over._

What if I let you in?  
>What if I make it right it?<br>What if I give it up?  
>What if I want to try?<br>What if you take a chance?  
>What if I learn to love?<br>What if, what if we start again? 

_I moved forward kissing him, it wasn't a big passionate kiss, we had never kissed like that, but in a way this kiss was filled with emotion because I knew this was our last kiss, the last time my lips caressed his own, sensing his breath mixing with mine and his shy hands around my neck._

_When we broke apart to let some air inside our lungs and our eyes connected again I saw a look of determination inside his emerald gaze, I didn't know what had triggered such look and I was sure I wouldn't get the chance to know "Bye Alexander" I said, he smiled taking my words just as a simple good bye, like every day we saw each other…not the real farewell that they meant to me. _

All this time  
>I can make it right<br>With one more try  
>Can we start again?<br>In my eyes,  
>You can see it now,<br>Can we start again, can we start again? 

_The next day I decided to take the new Spanish model for a coffee, somehow knowing that Alec might go around that place, my hopes were that once he saw me with another guy he would run away, I didn't think he cared deeply for me, for him it was probably something like puppy love, his first real gay crush. Just as I was trying to enjoy having the guy's arm around me I saw him get inside thought my peripheral vision, I didn't lose any time before I claimed the models lips, he returned the kiss eagerly, passionate, experimented…for some reason I didn't like it at all._

Emptiness inside me, wonder if you see  
>It's my mistake and it's hurting me<br>I known where we've been  
>How did we get so far?<br>What if, what if we start again?

"_M-Magnus?" I heard his broken voice, I turned to him portraying my best bored expression trying hard not to look inside his eyes, I knew I wouldn't make it if he involved me in those navy eyes._

"_Oh, hi Alec" I started thinking in my asshole producer to smile at him "This is Gerardo, he's from Spain" I was glad I remembered the name of the model, I made the mistake of meeting his gaze and my resolution began crumbling so I decided to distract myself by kissing said model "Anything you want darling?"_

I'm lost inside the pain I feel without you,  
>I can't stop holding on, I need you with me!<br>I'm trapped inside the pain  
>Can we ever start again?<br>I'm lost without you! 

"_Y-you're kissing another guy" I almost chuckled at his bluntness…so Alec-ish._

"_Well I am captain obvious, anything else?"_

"_I-I t-thought we…"_

"_We? Alec there's no we…" I faked astonishment seeing his pained expression "__Wait, wait…you didn't think…oh my god you did! You thought_we_were together?" the model at my side began laughing at him and all I wanted to do was punch him, how dared he make fun of Alec?_

"_Yes" my heart sank deep in my stomach as our gaze met, his eyes showed so many shades of blue that I could see a storm inside him, I did my best to look indifferent at his words as I prepared myself for the last blow._

"_Aww poor thing…darling we are barely friends, I´m sorry but someone like me could never go out with someone like_you_"__ I looked him just focusing on his holey sweater and worn out pants, they disgusted me enough to make it look like I was seeing him._

"_You know…I´ve just told my parents that I´m g-gay…a-and you know what? They told me they hated me, they called me a fag, they threw me out of the house and told me that I was no son of theirs…I did it for you…because I didn't want you to think that I was ashamed of you" he let out a dry chuckle as I tried to find the strength to process what he was saying__"I guess it was the other way around…I´m glad they didn't give me the time to tell them…imagine a poor gay looser son and that thought the most amazing guy could love him when he really was a charity work…I guess I´m lucky, right?" he smiled at me through saddened eyes, like he was used to be treated like this "Good bye Magnus"_

One more try,  
>Can we start again?<br>In my eyes, can you forgive me now?  
>(Can we start again?)<br>Can we start again (one more try?)  
>Can we start again?<br>Can we start again (can you forgive me?)  
>Can we start again?<p>

I closed my eyes as I finished the song, after he had said that to me all I wanted to do was run after him, tell him that I was an idiot, but the darkest part of me kept me there thinking that it was the best for my future…in later years when I knew that I had made the biggest mistake of my life I couldn't find a way to reach him, to contact him, just like now all I had was my music and I hoped he could give me a chance to mend things.

"There you go people! This was start again by Magnus Bane" said the hostess walking to stand next to me "Now Magnus, that was a really beautiful and meaningful song, is it for someone special?"

"Indeed it is" the public went crazy at my answer and two seconds later they started chanting _blue eyes_ over and over again.

"Let's talk about what has been going on in all of your pages" she wiggled her brow "You're not hiding that you want this blue eyed guy, care to give us part of the story?" I swallowed not sure what could I say, I knew for sure that Alec hated the attention, and even if the people didn't know it was him, he knew who I talked about –if he cared to check my pages at all, which I really hoped- and he wouldn't be happy if I spilled our drama in national TV.

"I screwed up, that's all I'm willing to say…and I'm looking for his forgiveness" I shrugged.

"But who could resist the great Magnus Bane?" she asked and I almost winced, after all being The Great Magnus Bane was what had made me push Alec away.

"He knew me before that, when I was just another musician at the park" I grasped my guitar a little strongly wanting to get the heck out of there and go mope in my room, I was way off balance, there I was with hardly any makeup, my hair loose and simple clothes –well simple for my usual wear- all because I wanted to sing that song for the first time without a mask, showing all I had inside hoping that Alec would see me.

"Could you tell us a little bit about him?" I guessed it wouldn't hurt.

"A little bit?" I smiled at her "He has the most beautiful voice I had ever heard and…a really nice ass"

Alec PoV

I blushed hard hearing what Magnus said on TV...I couldn't even think of something to say at my sister, who was laughing hard at my face. First he had sang the soon to be my favorite song, it was like he used to sing, with his soul and not just to gain millions of dollars, but to let us know what he felt…to let _me_ know. And then he was talking about my_ ass_…typical Magnus.

"Well who would've thought…" started Isabelle.

"Shut up" I groaned passing a hand through my face as I heard the hostess laugh.

"_Oh my, always a charm Magnus…sadly we have to stop our little gossip parade because we're out of time…make sure to tune…_" I turned off the TV and closed my eyes trying to process those minutes…could we start again? Could I let my heart on the line yet again? I wasn't so sure.

"I think you should talk to him" spoke Izzy handing me the cat "He seems…sincere" I sighed getting out my phone, I started following him after that first tweet, but had never made a single comment…maybe if I left something there…some sort of test to see if he really remembered me –I still had Jace's words printed on my brain- or if he was just in fact, horny for me…damn that sounded so _Jace_ I shuddered.

Magnus PoV

I was about to get my stuff ready to get out of the studio when my phone lighten showing me that my crazy fans had started twitting me, I sighed and walked to take a look, at least they kind of cheered me up. I rested my hip on the vanity table looking at the messages until one user name caught my attention _IsawADancingRainbow_…cute, I tried to remember if I had read any twits from that user before but I didn't come up with anything, I was certain that I would remember that name, I moved my eyes to read what he/she wrote and furrowed my brows in confusion when I did.

**IsawADancingRainbow **Blue Eyes

_MyFlamboyantSelf After this, I think I might like your songs again._

My heart began beating wildly, could it be? No, Alec would never have a user name like that, or use _Blue Eyes _like his name…but then again, only the two of us knew that he hated my last songs because they had no heart like the first ones…and this one did have my hole heart around the lyrics…my thoughts were interrupted when another horde of twits reached my inbox, I sighed going through them only to find yet another one from _IsawADancingRainbow_, I swallowed before reading it, when I did I had to read it a thousand times more only to be sure I was reading right feeling that I could have a heart attack right there.

**IsawADancingRainbow **Blue Eyes

_MyFlamboyantSelf Mocha latte, soy milk, double sugar and extra cream...I wonder what could be the perfect fit for that sugar bomb._

With shaking fingers I wrote on my phone cursing the fucking touch screen for making things even more difficult and putting wrong letters between words.

**MyFlamboyantSelf **Magnus Bane

_IsawADancingRainbow black coffee with one teaspoon of sugar._

**IsawADancingRainbow **Blue Eyes

_MyFlamboyantSelf Park. Friday. 6pm._

**Sooo what do you think? Hate it? Love it? Review?**

**Don't worry, this wont end soon, and warning for later chaptes, M-rated isn't just for smut so beware!**

**The song I used is Start Again by Red :D**

**Take care Malec fans!**


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Magnus PoV

It was Friday afternoon and I was bumping my head against the wall…_literally_…I was fucking freaking out and I hated it.

I had no idea what to wear, I hadn't planed what I would say to him, I had no clue what would his reaction be…I was lost because the only thing that I was sure was that Alec was nowhere near the shy boy I used to know. I groaned in frustration just before I heard the doorbell ring, I sighed and walked to see who was disturbing my moment of self pity.

"WHAT?" I barked against the door seeing Camille´s hair through the peek hole not really in the mood to talk to her.

"I know you´re freaking out, I brought someone to help you" I frowned at this, who would help me through this? Ragnor was out of town after all "Open up Magnus" I sighed and opened the door only to be greeted by what could be a girl version of Alec, except she had dark eyes instead of the beautiful sapphires I loved and a rather harsh expression.

"Who are you?" I inquired looking at her designer boots, skinny black jeans and red blouse approvingly, she knew how to dress I could give her that.

"Isabelle Lightwood, Alec´s sister" she smiled also looking at me from head to toe, at the moment I was not _flamboyant_ at all, I had my hair down, no makeup at all, a pink tee and blue sweats that hung low in my waist…hey at least I had showered before I started to freak out about seeing Alexander.

"Nice to meet you"

"Well I´m just delivery…have fun" said Camille before she blew me a kiss and walked away. Sighing I moved letting a hand show Isabelle the way inside my flat, she walked to the living room "Why are you here?" I was not in the mood to be polite.

"I´m here because I wanna make sure you don't screw things up again" she said in a fierce voice "Last time you practically shattered my brother and only because I like to think you´ve learned from your mistakes I´m letting this thing be, but be aware Magnus Bane that if you hurt my brother again, kiss your pretty face goodbye…even if I think that maybe Alec could do that by himself at this point" I raised an eyebrow at this "Oh yes, he will punch you" she smiled "You made sure that he made some fucking big walls around him, so I´m here to warn you about the new Alec" I bit my lip and sat on the bed.

"He must hate me" I decided to let my own walls down, I needed to be somehow prepared for the evening, I needed to know the most I could about him.

"No" she spoke softly "But he´s not that willing to jump again just yet" her eyes turned cold "Why did you do it?"

"I may sound like the biggest cliché there is but I did it because I was young and idiotic…I wanted my career to take off and I thought an affair with an awkward closet kid would fuck my chances to get to that point" I passed a hand thought my face hating that stupid decision.

"Well at least you´re frank about it" she sighed then her eyes went back to looking at my clothes "I don't suppose you´re wearing that, are you?"

"No" I took and end of my shirt looking at it grimacing "But I have no idea what to wear…God I feel like a teenage girl on her first date" I ducked my head in shame.

"_The_ Magnus Bane nervous over my awkward brother…now that's something I didn't expect" she chuckled and I tried not to flinch…I officially hated those words now "I remember my shock when he told us you guys kissed at the party"

"Don't be surprised…your brother is the most amazing person I have and will ever know" I spoke looking at her in the eye "I'm not great, I'm much too far away from that…he's the one that's truly great for the simple gift of the doubt he's giving me" I took a deep breath "I don't wan to ruin things again… I wan to be there with him I want to get to know the new Alec, to see what's different from the boy in the park …I think I know what to wear" a small grin traveled through my lips… _I saw a dancing rainbow_, he had always seen me colorful, running around like a hyper kid…he had no idea how colorful he was under all those ugly black clothes, I could see the real him in those sapphire eyes…he had also seen the real me, the one that dressed in colors because they made him happy, not the flamboyant star that dressed for show. I got up and walked to my room not giving any other explanation to his sister, she didn't follow as I surfed through the deep layers of my closet only to find my favorite tee, it was yellow with a simple rainbow drawing and two cartoon_-ish_ boys holding hands, yeah big gay parade one. I took out my blue hoodie, simple skinny jeans and_ gliterized_ silver vans –_hey I could rock slip-ons too_-. I had decided that in order of showing Alexander that I meant my words and that I truly cared about him, I had to take away all my layers and just go there _simple_, being me, the boy he met at the park. I changed deciding to leave my hair down, I walked to my mirror and just put on some eyeliner, a small cape of glitter and I was done…I felt _naked_ like this, I was too used to have covers of fashion on me…but being Alec the person I wanted to see me I knew this was the best option.

"Yes" was all Isabelle said when I came out of my room, I smiled at her feeling reassured for the first time…this could go just right. She smiled and a gleam I couldn't quite place swept through her eyes as she stood to face me "Please make my brother happy" she sighed "Life's been hard for him and I don't want to think that my gut it's telling me wrong by doing this…I can see that you know how to make the best impression on him" she eyed my outfit "Now go and take your guitar, music has always made him happy…maybe you can even make him sing again"

"He stopped?" I inquired not liking that, he had an exceptional voice.

"He closed himself to the world, only communicating his feelings through his lyrics…we found them thanks to Jace, he almost begged Alec to let the band use them…"

"Band?" I frowned; there was so much I didn't know about him that kind of scared me.

"Nephilim the…"

"Rock band revelation" I spoke in awe, Ragnor was a big fan "Alexander wrote all their lyrics?"

"Yes, do you…"

"He's a genious!" I was amazed at this, even I loved some songs from the band, thanks to that Camille had been able to invite them to my party…which meant "Wait, we called this _Jace_ guy and he told us he didn't know Alec" she had the nerve to smile at this.

"Alec was there, he didn't want him to tell that they're brothers" I didn't want to acknowledge the pang I felt in my heart hearing that he didn't want to be reached by me.

"Oh well its time for me to get going" I took a deep breath before taking my guitar and leading Isabelle out of the apartment.

"Can I see where you used to hang out?" she asked sheepishly while we boarded the elevator.

"Don't you know?" I frowned.

"He's been really cryptic about all this…that's why I wanted to know you because he can tell us the facts but he gets the feelings for himself, locations and names…we have no idea what he felt with you, what you used to do..."

"We used to sing, he helped me with my songs…and we met at the park not far from here" I turned to look at her while she smiled slowly.

"Have you ever thought that all these years you have been living fairly close to him?" I chuckled at this.

"Every damn day" we walked out of the elevator and after a short goodbye –and a little warning from the Lightwood girl- I was on my way to the park wearing my shades and hoodie not wanting anybody to recognize me and ruin this. I was so glad my fans didn't know my address or some might deduce which park was _the_ one. I smiled breathing hard at the sight of the familiar park, I had avoided getting close to that place hating the memories, but now I was there with hope…real, _unhealthy_, raw hope to get things right. I moved to _our _tree, glad that it was still there and sat under its shadow before I began playing softly yearning the moment where Alexander showed up.

Alec PoV

Not good…definitely not good…I wanted to puke…yeah throwing up might be good now instead of in front of Magnus in FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES….again, not good.

Up until now this day had been one of those days when you just wanted to crawl back to bed and wait till everything passed. I had woken up by the cold and hard kiss of the floor…seriously I hadn't fallen of my bed sense I was five! Why now? Well because I had been having nightmare after nightmare all night long thinking of what could happen today. Then I had been graciously burned by my exploding coffee cup…yeah I didn't want to think of the scientific meaning of boiling water on the microwave, I wanted to just mark it as a bad idea. Then I had to go and take a shower at Jace's because I had no running water because something happened to the pipes and well…yeah. After that I had gone back home to my safe and warm holey sweater, ripped jeans and converse…I couldn't wear anything else, besides Magnus already knew the real me…even with my specs he hadn't seem to care…or at the beginning…fuck I had no idea if that was truth or just my brain trying to give me _hope_. I groaned passing a hand through my face, now I was sweating like a pig, I was trembling and I was definitely freaked out…what had come over me? I had been so sure about being able to face him again but the truth was that I was not in any way ready to see Magnus Bane. I was slowly remembering every night crying myself to sleep, the loneliness that took over my life for being to afraid of letting people in…fuck, should I go? Maybe I could tweet him back or…yeah_ bad_ idea…ever sense those tweets people had started following me, I officially had fans and haters…all for two tweets from Magnus…damn, what would happen_ if _we became _something_? Then I would suck it up because I really, honestly wanted him and fuck he seemed to have good intentions…I had no idea what would happen but I was sure that I needed to talk to him, to know why at least. So I got out of my apartment and called a cab before I decided to rethink things and go back. I bit my lip nervously as the driver moved around, I moved my eyes seeing the man frowning through the rearview, I crooked my head to the side before turning my body around only to see a black car behind us…the driver moved to the right, and so did the car, the driver moved to the left…and so did the car.

"D-do you think that it's…?" the question died in my lips as the car sped passing the cab…it was safe to say that I wasn't the only one letting out a breath, there had been some news about cabs getting robed so it was understandable that the guy was a little paranoid…until the black car appeared again in front of the cab and hitting the breaks making the driver spin violently in order to not crash the car…I was glad I always wore my seatbelt as I grasped the seat at the sudden movement. When the car came to a stop I let my hand tug my shirt over my racing heart as I tried to calm myself…there was a reason why I walked everywhere, I wasn't very found of cars and _accidents_.

"You ok?" asked the driver, I nodded feeling my lips dry before my eyes widen seeing three man walk out of the black car…they walked to stand next to my door before opening it and pointing at me with a fucking _GUN_.

"I'm saying this thing once, either you follow us willingly or I _make_ you come with us" said one of the man, he was tall, handsome in a _twisted-psycho-killer_ way, light blond hair and really crazy eyes…yeah a hot bastard that wanted me…_this was so not my day_.

Magnus PoV

8:15 pm. I watched the time in my phone before blinking fast trying to swallow my tears. I had waited two hours for him, there sitting at the park looking like an anxious idiot. He had stood me up, now more than ever I was sure he hated me, he couldn't even give the time to talk…to just tell it to my face at least.

I hugged my knees letting my head fall to the front, I sure hoped no paparazzi could recognize me or I would be screwed…_The_ Magnus Bane heartbroken over _Blue Eyes_…yeah pretty headlights. It was hard to breathe, I felt a throbbing pressure in my chest making harder to feel something other than the dull ache of a broken heart as I embraced the last trace of control I had left to get up, take my guitar and walk back home. My body slowly went numb with each passing step, by the time I reached my flat I couldn't go further the front door, I closed it and let my back against it feeling hot salted tears run free through my face when hard sobs took over my shivering body…I had done everything I could, I couldn't make him forgive me…maybe it was time to forget about him for real?

**Ahem Sorry for the typos! Really I try my best and I'm not very found of the idea of a beta…sue me! Okay then, what did you think? What happened to Alec? Who do you think it is? Who else wants to hug Magnus?**

**Review?**

**Take care!**

**P.S. Yeah short chapter but next one will be long and remember M-rated isn't just for smut.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the late update xD Independence day happened and I was busy lol.**

**Warning. Lots of PoV changes xD**

CHAPTER 7

Magnus PoV

Two days. It had been two days sense we were supposed to meet and I still was an emotional mess, a total wreck not having the slightest idea of what to do. Right now I was successfully putting on a diva façade in front of my staff. It was easier to trash and curse over the stupidest thing, throwing fits only to hide my rage towards the blue eyed Adonis that kept me like this. I was fine before he came back –_mostly_- and content with my life, content with the crappy music, the shallow people around me…damn, now I had no idea what to do with myself. I had performed some minutes ago in front of a packed stadium and I almost puked my guts out at the shit I used to call music…I needed a new album right away…even if I wasn't sure I could add Start Again in there I did want to write a lot more, use this whole drama to inspire myself.

"I said I don't want anyone here!" I yelled when someone knocked on my dressing room door, but the person behind that door seemed persistent and kept knocking and knocking until it got to my nerves making me stomp to the door and open it "I said get the fuck…!" I froze when I saw Alec´s sister at the door. Isabelle had scared wide eyes, bare of any make up, her hair was in a messy bow and her simple clothes warned me that something was not right.

"Please tell me he´s here" she pleaded passing by me looking around the room.

"Who?" I asked dumbly hoping that she wasn't this scared for Alec.

"What do you mean who? Alec!" she stood in the middle of the room "We hadn't known of him sense two days ago…we hoped he was with you but…" she bit her lip looking unsure as my throat began to slowly close in worry for him.

"He didn't come to the park" I spoke in a low voice, but she still heard me, at this I saw her body shake and her mouth slowly open, part of me knew that she was about to crack when the sound of one of my songs cut the silence. I crooked an eyebrow seeing her take a deep breath before answering her phone "He didn't…" she shot her hand to cover her mouth "N-no…Jace…okay I´ll see you there" she ended the call looking at the floor before her big eyes turned to look at me "He was going to see you…Jace told me to get home soon…he knows something…" she said abstinently.

"I´m going with you" I said before I could stop myself, I moved to get my jacket before opening the door, she nodded and walked outside letting me lead the way outside through my safe passage away from the fans, right now I didn't want them around.

I led her to the black car that awaited for me, she gave the driver the address and I had a second to wonder if we were going to their house or Alec´s apartment…then I scolded myself thinking that Alec might be in trouble, that Isabelle looked like she wanted to puke in worry letting that slip through one of the best poker faces I had ever seen, or that what could Jace know…I had yet to meet the guy, Alec had spoken to me about him, his younger golden brother, always in a idolizing tone, like he was the _perfect_ guy and all Alec could do was to stand by and see him shine…I decided I didn't like him for that simple reason. I raised my eyebrow noticing that the place we were heading was fairly close to my house, at this my heart sped a little remembering Isabelle´s words…we might be going to Alec´s home after all.

"He´s fine…he´s probably…" I began speaking thinking that I might need to calm her down, but she started shaking her head.

"He didn't show up with you…he hadn't picked up his phone…he never does that, I bet that even if he was having sex with you he would have picked his phone of one of us called" she passed a hand through her face "The doorman said he watched him get out fifteen minutes before six on Friday, he was on his way" Ok, now I was beginning to really worry…perhaps my aching heart didn't want to believe that because it meant that Alec wanted to see me…or that he was in trouble, in this kind of places everything could happen to him…I had to stop my imagination from going for the worst possible stages, I knew that worrying I wouldn't help…I just hoped all this was for show, and Alec simply didn't want to see me…I rather have my heart broken a thousand times before putting him in any danger.

When we reached the place we walked to the building and I noticed that Isabelle had polished her poker face looking now only slightly worried but not the wreck I had witnessed some minutes ago. After a quick trip to the third floor, she knocked the door. It opened revealing a petite redheaded girl that looked quite scared and mad. Isabelle stomped inside leaving me to follow her in a more passive step, she reached the living room where a blond guy was sitting in a big couch looking at a white envelop, she snatched it away from his hands, opened it as the guy stood up facing her. The next thing that happened left me frozen on my spot with my heart painfully contracting in concern.

Isabelle PoV

"Bastard!" I screamed before punching Jace´s face hard. He just took a step backwards not raising his gaze "He told you a thousand times to STOP! And now…" I pushed him, my hits losing strength as my eyes shot with tears of rage towards my stupid brother. I stopped and glared at him until he met my gaze "Fix it…take him back alive and fine…or I swear I will…"

"Kill me?" said Jace raising his eyebrow with that horrible smug face of his…and I wanted to punch him all over again because he knew I wouldn't do anything to him "I know Izz, I know that I screwed up and that…" his voice trailed seeing behind my back where Magnus was standing "Why are you here?"

"He's here for Alec, he could help us" I spoke before Magnus, then I looked at the photo on my hands feeling anger and pain build up inside me, there was a photo of my unconscious big brother, completely beat up along with a simple note _Pay Or He Dies_. I took a deep breath before handing it to the singer, he took it and the moment his eyes laid on the photo the darkened hiding almost all of the yellow gleam covering them with a fierce green, he shot his head up glaring at Jace.

"Did you have anything to do with this?" his voice was far from the play or gentle tone I had heard him use before, now it was cold, proper and demanding; it was like he aged in seconds showing us his mature self.

"I owe money" was Jace' way to say _yes_, I had to make an effort to not roll my eyes.

"I take it that you're Jace" spoke the singer crossing his arms and standing straight looking quite intimidating with his height, he was even taller than Alec, and that was saying a lot. Jace simply nodded and Magnus narrowed his eyes "Just know this _Jace_" he said his name with so much dislikeness that kind of surprised me "If anything happens to Alexander…I _will _kill you and those sons of bitches that captured him" I swallowed because that seemed like a death serious treat.

"If it comes to that, please do it" Jace lowered his head obviously thinking that Alec was a goner…well, not on my watch.

"Stop this depressing testosterone menace parade!" I yelled "How much do they want? We have to call the police! Our parents!"

"200,000dls" I had to close my eyes and inhale deeply because that was a big shit of money that none of us had, what had he been thinking?

"Call the police" said Clary standing next to Jace.

"If we call the police, they will kill Alec" growled the blond glaring at her.

"If we don't call them they might as well…we don't have the money…"

"I will give the money" we turned to look at Magnus "I have it, but call the police we need them if those people try to trick us"

"We have to tell mom and dad too" I passed a hand through my hair "Let's hope they care enough to help us" at this even Magnus made a bitter expression, I couldn't understand how my parents could turn they back at my brother like that.

After that we decided to go to the police station, Magnus and I glaring at Jace, while Clary tried to make him _less angry_…yeah good luck with that. When we arrived Magnus, being the only legal walked to the officer and started telling him the situation as we sat on the waiting area hoping that he was okay.

Alec PoV

I felt dizzy, tired and sick, my head felt like it was going to explode. I was on the floor with my hands tied behind my back and my throbbing head on the cold floor as they only possible way to make it better. I didn't think that they guys would give me a pill if I asked them, nah the beat down I had just been though was enough to make me understand what kind of people had kidnapped me…the ones Jace owned money, because I was like this thanks to the two monkeys that had spoken to my brother some days ago. I groaned moving to a sitting position when I started feeling my arms numb, when I did I looked around the small room I was in, it seemed a simple empty room from a normal house…great that could be_ any_ fucking place around the city. Just as I was thinking of trying to lose the grip on my wrists the door opened revealing three men, the blond that had captured me –that they called Jonathan, and that I was not really sure if that was his real name-, a creepy old man and a middle age man that looked confident enough to be the leader.

"Not a talker like your brother, are you?" spoke the man as the old guy settled his back against the wall staring at me with so much force that made me _really_ uncomfortable. I kept my mouth shut, I had no idea what did they want but I was not making the mistake of telling on my brother or begging for mercy. I had enough self appreciation for that "Now tell me, what's your name?" using my crazy brain that kept thinking that thanks to these idiots I had left Magnus standing at the park I glared at him not opening my mouth "Jonathan, I thought you told me he already had his _dose_" and I was not going to ask what that _dose_ was…I just hoped it was the hits and kicks and not a real _dose_ of…some_thing_.

"I did" answered Jonathan frowning at me.

"I believe" spoke the old man not taking his eyes from me "That given the built of the boy, the usual dose wasn't enough"

"Well okay then, we need him cooperating, we already sent the letter, if they don't show up in due time we might as well take the boy…he'll be worth of something, we might even sell him as a whore for our European clients. I flinched at this feeling my neck close, I had seen a movie about this and now I was part of it…fuck, Jace what had you been doing around this people?

"I will give him the dose sir" smiled Hodge "Might have some fun while I'm at it" I had no idea why his words sent a shiver down my back.

Magnus PoV

At 9:00am we were supposed to go to the decided address, hand the bag filled with money, get Alec and then run the hell away from that place before the police got in action against the bastards that took him…_genius plan_.

Now it was around six and I was at Alec's home along with his siblings, the read head had gone back home leaving the three of us in an uncomfortable silence. Jace was standing with his back resting on the wall looking miserable with black circles around his eyes; Isabelle had fallen asleep curled up in the couch and I was sitting at the table with my head on my hands praying for him to be alright, yeah I was probably looking like shit. I let my eyes wonder around the room, it _was so Alec_, efficient, clean but messy, and practical…and of course, being the big geek he was, he had a huge TV in which I could be sure he had never seen anything related to pop culture. This brought a small smile to my lips before my phone started ringing making me jump, I rolled my eyes and answered it.

"Where are you? You ran off after the concert…"

"Alec was kidnapped" I interrupted Camille's words shivering at my own "I'm at his house with Isabelle and his brother" I massaged my forehead with my hand feeling utterly exhausted, and I had just been here about five hours!

"Oh my God" she said after a moment, probably not finding anything else to say "Want me to go there and bring you breakfast?"

"Nah I'm not hungry…wait, what are you doing up at six?"

"I hadn't gone to bed" she spoke rather sheepishly "Anyway, you need help or something…?"

"I'm fine, just don't freak if you see a lot of money missing from my account"

"I won't…but how did you know? I mean you were supposed to be mad at him for not showing up at the park"

"I was, but then we found out that he _was _going to the park…and now he's been missing for almost three days…besides, even if he had stood me up on purpose, I would be here…I care about him too much" my voice was low not wanting to wake Isabelle knowing how emotionally tired she was, after all she was nineteen and probably never used to this kinds of drama…sadly I was, and only for that I hadn't broken yet.

"Okay, want to keep talking or…"

"Go to sleep" I said softly wanting to be alone with my thoughts for this time "I talk to you later"

"Take care, and don't worry, he will be fine" I hung up letting out a deep breath…I hoped so. Thinking that I needed to do something I stood up and walked to the bathroom to take off my makeup and fix my hair, not that I wanted to look amazing but I didn't want to look like a mess either. When I did I glared at myself from the mirror, my yellow-green eyes looking at me tiredly and truly lacking much hope…did I forgot to mention that we had gotten a different picture of Alec every hour for the past four? Yeah, every beating seemed worse, those soulless assholes wanted their money bad…and I wanted to use Jace as my punching bag for it, not even caring if I ruined my polished nails.

The next two hours passed in a blur, none of us had any breakfast and after that we were inside the car and being the only one collected enough I drove to the place where we should meet the kidnappers. I frowned seeing the neighborhood it was nice, colorful, probably had dozens of families around, not even thinking that in one of those houses someone had an innocent guy completely beat down. I parked the car and Jace pulled out the bag that contained the cash, Isabelle and I followed him at a safe distance knowing that it wouldn't be right to show three people like that. I remembered the officer telling me that they would be planted around the area way sooner than nine, I hoped he was right.

"He will be okay" mumbled Isabelle fixing her hair and putting on her poker face again "He's a tough guy, he can get over a simple beating" I wish I was as sure as she was but, then again, I didn't know him like she did.

We stopped walking seeing that the address was really from an alley, Isabelle and I stopped at the beginning and Jace kept walking until he was around the middle. I kept my gaze up front wanting to see any kind of movement on the other side, nothing seemed likely to happen until a couple of black trucks stopped at the other end and five guys emerged from them, I couldn't make up their faces from this far, but I knew that none of them was Alec. Then one of the big ones walked to the back of one of the trucks and opened the door before pulling someone out of it.

"Alexander" I breathed seeing him hardly walk resting most of his weight on the man even with his hands tied behind his back. I fisted my hands wanting to run and hold him, tell him that he was safe, but I knew better than to move from my spot. I had to settle for squirm my eyes in an attempt to take a better look at him, he had his eyes covered, probably because they didn't want him to know their hide out, his clothes were ripped in certain places but other than that and the light limping he looked fairly ok, awfully weak but okay at the end.

I saw a blond man walking until he was about three feet from Jace, next to him was a blond guy, an old man and the guy that had Alec. Jace and the man began talking, Jace clearly tense from what I could see of his back, but still managed to put on a relaxed posture, the other man looked smug and filled of himself…I wanted to kill him too. Then Jace pointed his finger at Alec and after a sharp nod from the blond the other guy released Alec's hands and pushed him in Jace's direction a little too hard making him trip and fall. At this I had to use all my will power to not go there and help him, besides apparently Jace didn't like it either because he threw the bag to that same guy with so much power that made the man stumble backwards at its weight as Jace knelt down to help his brother up.

"COPS!" yelled one guy just as I was about to let out a breath. After this, all became a battle field, cops running out of buildings shooting at the bad guys, the others defending themselves and yelling at each other. I had to remind myself that this wasn't a movie, and that Alec was still pretty much unconscious in the middle of everything.

"Go get the car!" I ordered Isabelle throwing her the keys before storming to Jace who was having trouble keeping the men from taking him hostage and keeping Alec behind him trying to protect him, because he appear to be somewhere else entirely. I Had to duck and cover my face with my hands as a couple of shots passed right by me, being there I saw the old man walking to be right beside Alec using Jace's distraction with the other men. I stopped breathing seeing how he knelt right next to blue eyes and whispered something in his ear, I widen my eyes seeing how Alec flinched away from the man and attempting to get up showing a desperation that only made my worry grow. No longer caring about the guns I ran to him successfully punching the old man unconscious and taking Alec from the arm and pulling him away.

"No! No! Leave me!" he shouted moving to get out of my grip, I turned taking away the bandage that kept his blue orbs covered making him look at me.

"Alec! It's me!" he stopped moving finally focusing his gaze in me, my heart contracted at the fear I saw in his sapphire eyes, it was like those six years had never happened and the one I was holding in my arms was the frighten sixteen year old.

"Magnus wake up!" screamed Jace running to meet us helping me put Alec's arm behind my neck and running outside the alley, happily I saw more cops coming effectively distracting the others letting us near the car unharmed, Jace flopped inside the front seat next to Isabelle leaving Alec and me to the back seat. Only when we were a good five blocks from that whole shooting drama I let myself breathe again.

"Hospital…" whispered Alec making me jump to look at him, he had his hands hugging his sides.

"Izzy Hospital NOW!" I yelled seeing Alec's hands stained with blood and his eyes going backwards before he went limp beside me.

**I'm not completely sure about this chapter…but it's done I guess…yeah I know what I said the last one but don't worry, we'll see that later on.**

**So…is it a crappy chapter? Like it? Hate it? Review?**

**Take care!**


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Magnus PoV

"Somebody help!" I screamed while I carried Alec´s unconscious body inside the ER followed by Jace and Isabelle. As soon as they saw me, the nurses took me to a bed where I carefully laid him.

"What happened?" a young doctor asked gently moving me aside.

"He was kidnapped, the police helped us find him and he passed out when we were escaping the shooting, he´s bleeding from his stomach" I said not really having much idea if all that info would help him but my brain was more occupied on not freaking out completely than coming out with an accurate description oh Alec's state. The doctor nodded lifting Alec´s sweater and I wanted to go back and kill those sons of bitches when I saw the state of it, he had deep cuts all over his abs, his skin was beaten and swollen taking different shades of color…I had to look away not being able to put up with that sight without punching anybody.

"Take him to the ICU" ordered the doctor pulling his sweater back down before Isabelle or Jace could see his skin. After that we were guided to the waiting area.

"Who are you calling?" asked Jace looking at his sister who had her phone glued to her ear.

"Mom" she bit her lip before her eyes lit up "Hi…we´re at the hospital…okay…you too" she took a deep breath "She´s coming over"

"Like dad´s gonna let her come" I heard him mumble in a harsh tone. Apparently Alec´s parents had yet to amend their situation with their son.

The next couple of hours were agonizing, it was almost as bad as the night before except this time the cops were around talking to the doctors and stuff I did not want to think about, I just wanted to focus on Alexander. The worst thing was that I knew where he was but I had no idea how he was doing, no doctors or nurses came to us with news, and we all became rather anxious with the passing minutes. I was sitting in one of the uncomfortable benches when I saw a woman walk inside, she was wearing a strong navy suit and an agitated expression, but that wasn't what caught my attention, but her piercing blue eyes much like Alec´s.

"Mom!" yelled Isabelle running to embrace the woman in a bear crushing hug, I raised my eyebrow seeing Ms. Lightwood only patting her daughter gently on the back…a cold woman that was, I could just imagine what could have been for Alec to tell the truth about his sexuality to people like that.

"How is he?" Ms. Lightwood asked.

"They won´t say a thing" sighed Isabelle before looking at her side to a kid standing next to them, he was a _geek_ in all aspects –anime tee, too big and plain _awful _clothing and a videogame in hands-, around twelve years old, had huge specks on and a somber expression "Hey Max" said Isabelle hugging the boy, he looked way too much like them not to be.

"Hey" he greeted in a small voice prior letting go of his sister and going to sit next to Jace who apparently wanted to ignore his mother. Ms. Lightwood eyed me for a split second but decided to disregard me probably not thinking that I was there for Alexander, I was sitting a little apart from the family after all. I remained silent, not wanting to let my presence known to the woman, I couldn't think of a way to talk to her when all that my head could think about was _Please no_…thinking of all the possible things those sick bastards could have done to Alexander, and judging from what I had seen in his body a part of me thought that it was really possible that_ that_ had happened too…and I wanted to throw up just thinking about it.

"Alexander Lightwood" said a doctor and I didn't lose any time standing up and walking to him, this time Ms. Lightwood did frown when she walked there too "Only family" spoke the doctor.

"He´s his boyfriend" at this moment I wanted to hug Jace even if I didn't necessary like him for saying that. I just gave the doctor a small smile avoiding the blue eyes that were coldly staring at me.

"Very well then, We stitched his wounds, most of them are small but there´s one that will need some healing time and bandages for at least a couple of weeks…then…" he sighed passing a hand through his face and I bit my lip somehow already knowing what he was going to say "There´re the sexual abuse he was put through" at this one of the officers came to stand next to us.

"NO!" screamed Isabelle covering her mouth hiding a strangled sob. I fisted my hands feeling my body shake in rage as I closed my eyes trying to not go away to find those assholes and if they weren't dead kill them myself. At my right Jace was wearing the same angered expression while their baby brother hugged him hiding his face on his chest.

"Is he awake?" managed to ask Ms. Lightwood looking really pale, that whole business woman charade disappearing in the act.

"No, we had to sedate him, he will be waking sometime tonight or tomorrow" he sighed "He´s already in a room, we're still running some tests, you can see him maximum three people at the time…if you tell me who will be going first I will be glad to show you the way" he looked at us expectantly, knowing that there was no way that woman would let me go right away I took a step backwards getting a sorry look from Isabelle as the three of them went to his room leaving me with a twelve year old. When they parted –after a _better stay put_ look from Ms. Lightwood- the boy and I stood in an awkward silence.

"So…you´re Alec´s boyfriend" he spoke looking at me with wide eyes, I started to think that being that he liked anime and that sort of stuff, me with my spiky colorful hair and clothes must look a lot like one their characters "I´m Max" he offered me his hand.

"Hi Max, I´m Magnus Bane" I took it and he opened his mouth wide.

"The singer?" I nodded "Cool!"

"Yeah…wanna sit down?" he bit his lip and looked sheepishly to the ground turning slightly red in an _oh-so-Alec_ kind of way that made my insides crumble knowing that in no universe I was Alec's boyfriend and that I wasn't truly sure he would want to see me after all.

"Can we go to the cafeteria? I haven't eaten anything…I-I have my own money" I nodded and we walked to the nursery station to ask where it was and then we walked there in silence, I thought I hadn't eaten anything either so I might as well put something in my stomach.

After we got a table and ordered our food –pizza for Max and a salad for me- we sat there looking at each other. I felt weird around that boy, it was like he was seeing me with a wiser look than any twelve year old should wear. Feeling uncomfortable I began sipping on my coffe before he spoke.

"You're the rainbow, aren't you?" I almost chocked on my coffee when he said that.

"The what?" I coughed looking at him with wide eyes.

"Well…" he bit his lip sheepishly "I kind of bumped with Alec's lyric book once of twice, and he wrote about you…well not you_ you_ but a…" he chuckled "Dancing rainbow" after this he muttered something like _and I'm the immature little brother_ before starting to eat his just delivered pizza. I just sat there smiling like an idiot remembering his twitter name…maybe it was possible that he had forgiven me, after all, something I knew about Alexander was that he wasn't one to hold grouches, maybe too good for his own well being and somehow I knew that that hadn't changed in those six years. I shook my head and began eating feeling slightly better. The rest of the meal passed in silence then we went back to the waiting area and hope that one of the elder lightwoods would come out soon and let me at least see him. After a couple of hours I was beginning to think that they wouldn't let me in, and knowing that Max couldn't see him because he was too young I was starting to think that they just made me an unofficial babysitter. I was sitting with my legs crossed and my elbow resting on my knee when Ms. Lightwood came to me with a fierce expression, slightly alarmed I got up and faced her.

"Isabelle told me you gave the money for his rescue" she spoke.

"Yes Ms…."

"Call me Maryse" she sighed "Go home Magnus" I opened my mouth to literally beg her to let me see Alec at least once when she raised her hand silencing me "I cant stay the night, and neither can Isabelle or Jace because they haven't turn 21 yet, so I'm asking you to stay here…" she looked like she wanted anything but that "Will you? Can I count on you to take care of my son?"

"Yes" I spoke without hesitation "Can I see him once before I go?" she shook her head.

"Visiting hours are almost over and I think it's better if they stay with him, you can see him at night…be here before nine please" I swallowed nodding before smiling and waving to Max and going out of the hospital. Part of me wanted to bitch about not being able to see Alec but other part of me was happy because that way I could be with him the whole night. I took a deep breath and dialed Camille's number.

"Hello?" came the sleepy answer, I chuckled knowing that even if it was almost three in the afternoon it was a Monday, which meant that for her it was like calling at six in the morning.

"Where are you? My home or yours?"

"Mine" Thank God I could go on foot from the hospital.

"See you there" I hung up and began walking hoping that I wouldn't bump into paparazzi or fans. I was not in the mood to deal with them. When I safely made it to Camille's building I greeted the doorman and got inside the elevator going to the top floor. As soon as I knocked she greeted me with a tight hug.

"How are you? How is he? What happened?" she bombarded me with questions making me smile.

"I'm fine I guess…He's…" I swallowed not wanting to reveal much thinking that Alec hated his life made public "Holding up and the police helped us get him" I shrugged ending the embrace and walking to her couch "His mom asked me to stay the night with him" Camille let her brow shoot up.

"Not that I'm against that but…why?" she sat next to me.

"I don't know…maybe she had to take care of the little one…maybe she just didn't want to" I passed a hand through my face "Jace said that I was Alec's boyfriend so she thought it would be ok, I'm not about to argue that with her, I want to be with Alexander, something tells me he needs me"

"Okay" she said before wrinkling her nose "You look like shit" I chuckled nodding "You know where your spares are, we can sleep a little while and then you shower and change, come on" she took my hand guiding me to her bed. I let myself bump in it closing my eyes hoping to get a little rest because I knew that being the whole night with Alec wouldn't let me sleep at all worrying about him so I drifted into a tired sleep.

After a nice nap, a hot shower and a clean set of clothes I was back at the hospital waiting for the Lightwoods to come out of his room. The first ones to come were Jace and Max, this time the kid looked passively frighten probably thanks to seeing his brother, I didn't even want to imagine Alexander resting in a cold hospital bed. Jace greeted me with a tired nod, he looked worst than shit, he had a guilt gleam inside his eyes, they were swollen and tired, part of me took pity on him, but then I remembered that thanks to him Alec was like this, and that made the pity disappear fast enough.

"Hey" saluted Max in a sad tone "Mom and Izzy will be here soon"

"Hey and thanks" I moved to lay my back against the wall crossing my arms. About ten minutes later the two women came, Isabelle, looking like a complete wreck walked to me instantly.

"You saw, didn't you?" I didn't need to ask what she meant seeing her horrified expression.

"Yes" I said softly.

"I didn't but I don't think I can" she hugged herself "I can only think that he needs you"

"Why would he need me? I'm the asshole that broke his heart; I'm far from what he needs"

"Because he will only talk to you" her eyes turned serious "He won't talk to mom or Max, he will put on a strong façade for me and he will be to embarrassed to speak to Jace…there's a reason why he went for you at the park all those years ago, with you he gets to be himself and I know this because I know him and I can see what he saw in you" she looked at me in the eye pleading "Please"

"You don't need to ask me anything, I will be right where he needs me, I'm tired of staying away from him, I need him and if that means only being there when he needs to talk or to trash at someone I will be there" she nodded.

"I'll take you to his room" she began walking and I followed her feeling a big bump in my throat growing as the distance between us got smaller, I had to be strong for him, he had been through enough already "I-I cant get in again" she shook her head, black locks twisting around her head as we arrived to the room. I nodded and pushed the door after taking a deep breath. Once I was inside my breathing stopped while I fisted my hands making myself see him instead of turning around. He looked smaller in that bed, paler, dark purple-_ish_ bruises covering his face and arms. It was hard looking at him there, vulnerable and weak. That wasn't the Alec I wanted to see, I wanted the blushing shy guy I had met six years ago, I also wanted the Adonis that had manhandled me after the bar…I wanted to meet him again, but somehow I knew that after this it would take him a while to become that person again. I swallowed and walked to sit in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to his bed and after hesitating a little I took his hand.

"Please wake up soon" I said kissing his knuckles.

Alec PoV

My body felt stiff and too heavy to move, not that I wanted to; I was drained, no energy left, nothing to fight again, no hope or strength to try to wake up. I was in a needed slumber, knowing that it wouldn't last so I had to milk it for all that was worth.

_Wake up._

I heard a voice inside my head, but I ignored it, I was content like this. Postponing the unavoidable…wanting to stay there in dreamland for the rest of my life. Yes, I could still dream, even if that dream had been painfully accurate showing a heroic rescue from my siblings, it had been also a lie because it showed _him_, there, like a knight in _overly _shining armor…that made me realize that it was nothing but another dream.

_Alexander._

My heart rate quickened hearing my name in that impossibly melodic and amazing voice. I wanted to believe that he was really around, that the dreams I had were true and not fantasies that my damaged body had came up with to overcome the pain and shame that had suffered in those _infinite_ hours.

_Alec…please..._

If I could move my body I was sure I would be shaking at the raw and throbbing pain I could sense in his words. Why was he suffering? He shouldn't suffer like that, he was a rainbow, he was the only one that could reach and take me away from this dreadful darkness that closed around my body suffocating me…it was hard to breathe, I needed him…the only person that crept in my thoughts even inside this hell…_Magnus_…_Magnus_…I wanted to call him, to hold him…_Magnus_…_Magnus_…

"Magnus" I felt my lips moving but no real sound came out of them "M-Mag…nus" I tried again finally hearing my voice. Little by little my head started to come out of that fog it had been in sense that extra _dose_…I sensed the air cooler and cleaner, also I felt my body covered in something that was not my beloved sweater…then a pair of hands taking my own.

"Come on, open your eyes" his velvety voice asked. I felt goose bumps when his lean fingers caressed the side of my face…it was too real to be another dream, but I wasn't convinced enough, I couldn't stand to wake up and have this feeling disappear "God, how could you even dream about me?" his voice asked, how could I not? "Your mom came…I don't know if she spoke to you or not but…she was here" he sounded so real, unsure and aching…I couldn't wait for another confirmation that this wasn't a dream, so I started to focus on opening my eyes "Alec…?" his voice was so exited, a little too exited over just me waking up. Finally after much struggling I could blink being temporally blinded by the lights of the room. I groaned closing my eyes again and turning my head to the side as I heard some movement around "Try now" he instructed in a low voice taking my hand again. I did as he said finding the room only lighten by a lamp, I blinked a couple of times trying to clear my vision until the smiling face of Magnus Bane was reveal in front of my eyes "Welcome back".

**Wow this was hard to start, and then in flew easily, I blame school and sickness!**

**Ahhh I was re-re-reading CoLS spoilers and like every time I was screaming like crazy! OMG I need to read that book so badly! But until May! That's so unfair! I just hope that it has a Malec cover, they NEED a cover! Hahaha **

**So what did you think? Love it? Hate it? Hate me? Hehee I see this story going for a lot more chapters xD**

**And last but definitely not least! OMG SO MUCH FREAKING THANKS FOR SO MANY REVIEWS! Hahaha I normally get 5-8 reviews each chapter, so getting 11 its awesome! I loveee you guys!**

**Take care!**


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Alec PoV

I blinked once. I blinked twice. He was still there. Magnus. Magnus_ freaking_ Bane was there smiling at me like I was a designer clothing sale…it wasn't a dream, that whole rescue had been real…or maybe I was more fucked up than I thought. I winced at my own thoughts. I was _fucked up_ alright…_literally_... I shivered suddenly feeling hollow, dirty and gross. I jerked my hand away from his, he was so amazing, fun and beautiful, I couldn't be near him when I was this wrecked up. He couldn't know…I didn't know if I could stand seeing the pity he was most likely to give me once he found out.

"Where's my family?" I spoke in a low voice keeping my eyes on the ceiling feeling my throat dry but I couldn't bring myself to ask him for water because I didn't know if I could move enough to drink it, my whole body ached, I was tired and just wanted to drift back to sleep, and on top of that my fucking _ass_ pained like a bitch…yeah I didn't want Magnus to know about _that _either. For the moment I needed to be left alone, I had no idea how much longer I could keep a straight face.

"Home" his expression was calm but I could sense hurt inside his voice but he kept talking before I could overanalyze his tone "Your mom had to take care of Max, and Isabelle and Jace aren't old enough to stay" he sighed and I saw him look to the window out of the corner of my eye; I took this moment to really_ see_ him, he was pale, he had barely any make up on, his eyes were tired and bloodshot…could I be the reason of him being like this? I refused to believe that, even if the little –_almost completely gone_- optimistic voice inside my head screamed otherwise "How are you?" he darted his yellow-green eyes to mine making me swallow at the strength of his gaze, it was like he could see right through me…it was like he _knew_.

"Fine" I moved my hand to rest above my stomach feeling the slight burn of the cuts under the bandages growing stronger every passing minute, I was glad I had a good pain endurance or I would be even worse right now. His eyes followed my movement and even if just a couple of minutes ago I had moved away from him, he let his hand slowly make his way to rest next to mine letting his thumb lightly caress my body. His movements were slow and _too_ gentle making shivers run through my entire body. I had to fight the urge to take his hand between mine and mop like a kid. I could not let him see me _weak_. I wouldn't be that scared kid again even if my whole soul screamed in agony for _him_.

"I know Alexander" I froze hearing his voice; it was calm, controlled, sharp and just plain _wrong_. I was too cold and too raged to belong to him. I had never heard that tone coming out of his mouth, I could only recognized it because it had been the same voice my father had used against me the day I decided to come out.

"Know what?" I asked with a childish hope that he didn't meant what I thought.

"I want to kill them…God how could anyone…?" he ignored me keeping his eyes on our hands, his face slowly contorting in pure hatred.

"Forget it" I whispered accepting that somehow he knew and I couldn't do anything to deny it "I'm o-okay" my voice decided to break at that last word. Magnus let out a dry chuckle.

"Like hell you are darling" he passed his hand through his face "We're alone, you don't have to be strong for me Alec" he moved looking inside my eyes. I had to hold my breath at the despair they now showed. I couldn't hold his stare and I lowered my eyes sensing a large blush make an appearance "You can trust me" this triggered an anger I didn't know I had against him. He had said that same thing six years ago just days before he decided I wasn't worth it.

"Really?" his hand that had continued caressing my stomach stopped abruptly, probably not expecting my harsh tone "Because I'm not sure I can"

"Before _this _you were willing to give me a chance" he spoke in a stern voice avoiding my eyes.

"I was _willing _to hear you out, not to jump into your arms and be like nothing had happened" _wow what a liar_. Apparently being raped meant becoming bitter._ Awesome_.

"You speak in past tense" he let his hand slide down back to the bed and I felt colder not having his touch…so much for keeping the dependence to the lowest.

"Wouldn't you suppose to call a doctor now that I'm awake?" I was having a lot of trouble keeping my strong charade; maybe the doc could dope me enough to take away my pain and make me sleep.

"Sure" he sighed standing up and walking to the door. As soon as he was out I let out a quivering sigh. Now, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never come out again. Maybe in there I could get this cold feeling out of my system. To keep the memories in the dark part of my mind, to try acting like none of this had ever happened…I couldn't break. Not in front of my mother, nor Izzy or Jace…and certainly _NOT _in front of Magnus. I took a deep breath willing to stay awake. I didn't want to fall asleep and go back. I was sure enough that this was real, but the nightmares were probably going to last a while, hitting me harder, merciless…

The door opened revealing a young doctor, about a head smaller than Magnus, with brown hair and a gentle smile…he knew, I could see it in the way he looked at me, like I was child made of porcelain. I hated him already.

"Hello Alec, how are you feeling?"

"Dizzy. Aching" I said truthful, everything wanted to spin, good thing I was laying on a bed at the moment.

"Well that's to be expected, you lost quite a lot of blood with those wounds" he pointed at my stomach and thighs. I kept my gaze stubbornly low only seeing the large shadow of the singer pacing in front of the bed "We found some drugs inside your system, that's why we hadn't given you any painkillers, but no worries they should out by now and if you're in pain that's why I'm here" he took a small syringe from his front pocket and walking to my right where was the serum and added the drugs. A small part of me wanted to tell him to stop, thinking of that helplessness and vulnerability I had felt when _they_ had drugged me…_no, no Alec, don't think of that_…I shut my eyes starting to tremble as the memories fought their way back inside my head.

"_Such eyes, such body…I need to test the merchandise, don't I?"_

"Alec…?" I heard Magnus' distant voice. I bit my lip, this couldn't be happening, not now.

_I tried to move away, but my body wouldn't cooperate…no, no, please…_

"Hey, hey" I felt his hand taking mine as the other caressed my jaw "Deep breaths, everything's over, come on" he spoke in a soft voice, so soft that almost felt like another caress. I took a shaky breath willing the memories to go back to that little corner in my mind. I knew that one day I would have to face all of this, but now I couldn't do it "Show me those baby blues please" his thumb stroked my cheek tenderly. I was surprised, it was like he had expected me pushing him away as soon as I woke up and decided that he wouldn't give in…I wouldn't want to admit that my heart skipped a beat at this.

"I'm okay" I said a little out of breath without opening my eyes fearing the still unshed tears they held.

"You will be" he said a little too distant, almost like he was speaking to himself rather than me.

"You will start to feel a little drowsy, perhaps it would be better if you take a nap" said the doctor "Visiting hours will start in about three hours, Magnus you can warn the family that Alexander might me a little…"

"Doped?" I asked already feeling lightheaded; it was like laying on water, calm and painless.

"Something like that and very…_happy_" I nodded, yeah I felt good now…all worries and tragic memories drifting away from my thoughts "I'll be going now, rest Alexander, the police will be here at noon" after this I just heard the low sound of the door closing.

"Magnus?" I grasped his hand.

"Yes darling?" I smiled at the pet name, felt good to be called like that again.

"Don't go, not even when my family gets here" his long fingers played with my hair, and that felt really good.

"I won't"

"I'm sorry" I opened my eyes seeing his confused expression "For not going to the park… I was on my way"

"I know" he chuckled "For a moment I did think you had stood me up, but a part of me just couldn't believe it" he closed his eyes and I noted that he took a while to open them again, he looked really tired "Then all of this happened…God Alec" he let his head fall into my shoulder "Do you really want me here?"

"I want you hugging me but I don't think you will" his head shot up revealing his wide eyes.

"I think painkillers make you blunter than usual" I shrugged not really caring, I felt really good and I wanted to sleep.

"You look tired" he raised his shoulders making a small disregarding gesture "Sleep with me"

"I don't think that's a good idea" his eyes were starting to glow amused "How do you feel? Seeing many colors?"

"It's dark and you have no make up so no. Not many colors"

Magnus PoV

I chuckled; he was the most adorable person I could ever see…even if he was doped.

"Are you aware that you only feel this good thanks to the drugs?" I sighed hating to put some sense into him. He nodded before starting to wiggle his body "What do you think you're doing?"

"Making room for you, what does it look that I'm doing?" I raised my eyebrow noticing that he had in fact made enough room for me "Come on"

"A-Alec…" I had no idea what to do, I didn't know if he was drugged enough for this or that he was willing to give me a chance or…I had no fucking idea and those baby blues seeing me with the best puppy dog stare I had ever witnessed was melting my resolve.

"I promise not to freak out when we wake up" I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah I won't count on that…can't you just sleep holding my hand?"

"Yes but that way you won't sleep at all" he looked at me with a _duh _expression…sure the _simplest_ thing in the world.

"Alec don't do this…you know that I want to but…fuck you've just been r-raped…you shouldn't want a stranger near you" I croaked feeling my throat closing at my own words, his eyes focused enough to let me know that it was more _him_ than the drugs this time.

"We both know that you're no stranger and…" he bit his lip looking down and I had to smile at the bright blush that covered his porcelain skin.

"And?"

"And I want a human pillow" his eyes lost focus and his smile widened. It would freaked me out if he didn't look so cute "Please? Magnus, please" I opened and closed my mouth knowing that I probably looked like a fish at this point…then I lost it. I let out a breath before standing and going to the bed beside him. He waited for me to settle on my side before sliding his hand to my waist and hugging my body letting his face on the crook of my neck. I felt shivers run down my body as his nose touched my skin…that was not the brightest idea I had ever had but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"I missed you…I wish I hadn't been such an idiot six years ago" I said lifting my hand to let my fingers roam through his hair.

"Don't speak of that…let's just sleep" came his muffled voice.

I waited until his breathing became normal. I was not going away but couldn't bring myself to relax completely. I was honestly too scared of his reaction. Not many minutes ago he had been mad at me, and then he was fine and…God, I had no idea what would he do…it wasn't like we ever had a true relationship, we hardly knew a thing about each other, but I knew myself well enough to know that I felt something really strong for him. I just hoped that he'll let me stick around to figure his feelings for me.

I smiled caressing his hair seeing his face completely relaxed. He looked older than he was, like he had all the agony of the world on his shoulders…or maybe just the agony of being the elder brother or having his heart broken by a jerk.

"I know you're everything but okay" I whispered at his ear after leaving a feathery kiss on his temple "But I will fix you, I promise you this…you will sing again and you will be that confident man I met at the bar…things will be fine"

**Super short update! I needed to write something, I think this is NOT my best chapter but what-the-hell I don't care LOL**

**What do you guy's think? I'm officially over my writer's block, so now I have doped Alec and the gang in a hospital room…that should be fun, right?**

**Love it? Hate it? Review?**

**Take care!**


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Magnus PoV

I groaned when a light beam found my closed eyes, effectively waking me up from my muchneeded rest. It took me a moment to realize that I hadn't slept this well in a long, long time. Thereason; the gorgeous man resting beside me. I slowly opened my eyes, looking at the ceiling aboveus before turning my head to look at him.

heart ached just from thinking about whathe had been through, yet he was still willing to look strong and fearless for his family. I placeda chaste kiss on his temple and smiled a little when he began to stir before opening his eyes.

"Morning darling," I said softly, reaching to my pocket to retrieve my phone and saw that westill had about half an hour before visiting hours.

"Please call the doctor," he said, burying his face on my chest. I raised an eyebrow upon seeing hisgrowing blush.

"What is it?" I moved to rest my head on my elbow, looking down at him as he moved just enoughto hide his head under the blankets…now, that was adorable and troubling at the sametime"Alexander, tell me."

"I-I'm…I'm bleeding," came his muffled reply. My frown deepened, not understanding why he was soembarrassed about was normal for his wounds to bleed. I huffed, before taking the covers andgetting them down slowly, a little surprised that he had let me do it in the first place. I moved themuntil I reached his waist, but saw nothing there. "Not there," he whispered, so low that I hardly heardhim. I let my eyes travel back to his face, taking in his pained expression, the redness of his skin and the sorrowful look that was portrayed in his eyes…then I understood.

"Wait here." I moved to kiss his forehead, feeling my chest heavy before I moved then, Isaw the dark crimson spot that was beginning to show on the fine hospital covers. Knowing thatit was bad for him to lose this much blood, I practically ran outside to the nursing station. "I need adoctor," I informed the first nurse I saw. "Now…please." She nodded before taking her beeper andcalling for the doctor. A couple of minutes later a young doctor came.

"Hello, I'm Dr happened?" she asked politely.

"My boyfriend… he was r-raped and he's…he's bleeding." God, I hated to stutter like that, but it wasdamn hard to even think about what had happened to Alec…I didn't even stop to think about howmuch I loved to say that he was my boyfriend.

"Let's go back to the room," she instructed, following me as I turned and ran back to him. Once wewere inside I grimaced, seeing Alec in a foetal position with the covers completely over his head. "OhGod," whispered the woman, seeing the stain on his butt.

"Alec, there's a doctor here to see you," I spoke, going to kneel beside him. "We need to see…" I bitmy lip, hating the thought of anybody looking at him like that while he was in this state.

"Okay," he said after a moment, moving away the covers and turning to look at the doctor. "I don'tthink it's bleeding anymore," he said as he lowered the covers. Knowing that he was probably lessthan fine about letting me see his body, I moved to the other side of the room to look through thewindow.

"You're right," she said, putting on a pair of gloves. "Can I see?" Alec nodded, turning his back to her as she lifted his clothing.

I couldn't look any further, so I turned back to the window, frowning when I saw a notable amount of important must've had an accident or something. I cringed when Alec hissedlightly, my whole body wanted to turn back and run to his side… but I couldn' after he madesure to let me know that he was still mad at me. Maybe now he let me be near him, but I wassure that it was highly likely that the drugs he was under were the cause of his calm mood. Isighed, closing my was so hard to try to think of a way Alec should behave; the shy boyfrom the park would surely be terrified and completely ashamed of himself…I had seen traces ofhim in those hours, but at the same time, I saw a trace of the confident man in the bar, the onethat was clearly still mad at me and that wanted to show his strong face to the world…I was loston what to do or how to act once the drugs wore out, the only thing I had left was to hope that wouldn't kick me aside because if there was one thing I was certain, was that Isabelle was right, Iwas the only one he could…would trust.

Alec PoV

If someone asked me how it was to live with my head right now, the only answer I could give was that I felt like I had the worst cold of my life and had a big dose of pills to keep me at bay. My mind was foggy, and my body felt clumsy and stiff, meaning that I didn't totally trust my decisionsat that moment.

As the doctor called a nurse to change my sheets, I struggled to get up, only to find Magnus rightthere where I needed him, ready to help…I gave him a small smile while he gently helped me tostand.

"How long until visiting hours?" I asked him.

"About ten minutes," he said, taking a strand of my hair and pushing it aside so he could see my eyes. I bit my lip knowing that I was blushing hard. "Does it hurt?" His mesmerizing eyes were glued tomine, making it even harder to think.

"Not really…I just got worried," I answered. When I first felt something tickling down my ass allalarms rang inside my because Magnus was next to me, but because I knew the feelinga little too well and I wanted someone to check that I was not going crazy, that it was not just mycrazy body remembering a nightmare…that I was indeed in a hospital bed and not in dreamland, only beginning to awaken thanks to a bloody ass finding myself on that dirty floor with someoneputting on his pants next to me.

"All ready, sweetheart?" said the nurse before walking out of the room. I moved to lay down again, not bothering to ask her for a new gown. Magnus put the covers on me before taking his seat.

"How did you sleep?" he asked me.

"I didn't have any nightmares, so I´m okay." I shrugged, resting on my side so I could see himbetter."You?"

"Better than in a long time."He put his elbow on the bed and rested his head on his hand. Neitherof us spoke for a while, only looking at each other's eyes. "When did you stop wearing glasses?" he asked in a curious voice. I frowned at the completely random topic.

"I've never stopped…I just don't need them that much, but now that my eyes are tired, I thinkthat having them would prove useful to get rid of my headache."

"Are they still the same as before? You know, big, think and black?"

"Not so big, but definitely black." I managed a small smile which he returned. "What happened toyour make up? You seem…almost normal."

"You happened…I haven't been home in a while." I frowned and his smirk grew. "I visited yourapartment."

"Huh… Did any of you guys feed my cat?" He looked genuinely surprised by my words before slowlyshaking his head.

"We didn't see any cats around…I thought you would be allergic to them," he chuckled.

"Well I don't have that many allergies." I smiled before grimacing a little, my cuts had begun tosting a little…maybe the meds were wearing off.

"You okay?" His eyes were wide with worry and sadness. I hated seeing him like this.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I took a deep breath just as the room's door opened revealing Isabelle, Jace andmy mother… was unexpected. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked, fixing eyes on hers. Isabelle gasped, Jace made a strangled sound that was a lot like a muffled laugh, andMagnus simply chuckled dryly.

"I should've warned you, he's drugged and by that, his bluntness is at its 1000%," he explained while my eyes didn't stray frommy mother's. She did not blink and only moved so that she was standing in front ofthe bed.

"I'm here to see you…"

"Mission accomplished…you can go now," I said, hating her for being there, pretending to careabout me.

"Alexander…" she began, and I felt a pang in my heart at that three people in my worldcalled me like that, and all three of them had wounded me in a way… I was beginning to hate my whole name thanks to them.

". Please leave." I turned to look at the window, knowing that if it wasn't for the influenceof drugs I wouldn't have said anything like that, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I heard thefaint sound of her high heels as she made her way to the door, leaving the room in a deep silence.

"Want to talk about what happened?" questioned Izzy. I stubbornly kept my eyes on the wall, notwanting to get out of my happy little druggie ball, but feeling it disappear with every breath I took.

"…No"

"You´ll need to tell the cops…" started Jace and I flinched hearing his voice. I hated the self-pitytone he was using that was supposed to be mine to was always confident and awesome…

I knew that some part of me was pretty pissed at him and felt kind of happy that he was havinga bad time right now, but I couldn't really stand whatever came out of his mouth, so I did thereasonable thing to do.

"Can all of you get the fuck away from here?" They all turned to look at me like I was some sort ofalien, but I did not mind them and kept talking. "I woke up with my ass bleeding, every time I closemy eyes I feel someone shoving his dick inside of me. I probably have a new found fear of needlesso, no… I don't want to talk about what happened, not to the one responsible of it or my you please go away?" Jace´s face got tense before he stomped away of the room andIsabelle didn't move a muscle.

"Now that you need all of us you decide to grow some balls? Alec come on, we can't leave youlike this…" She began, clearly mad. "Maybe Jace and Mom deserve to be treated like that, but I ain'tmoving a muscle, even if you beg me… not until I know that you're okay."

"Well then get comfortable…" Again, the disbelieving looks…what was with them and looking at melike that?

"Alec… I think you should consider what you are saying before you now I think the drugs are talking morethan you," said the pop singer, not without a hint of amusement in his eyes.

"So?" At this he snorted, before passing a hand through his hair.

"I do love your straight forwardness, but…"

"I need a shower." I didn't want to be lectured and I felt gross in more ways than one, so I went forthe logical way to stop their discussion. I began to get up only, to be stopped my Magnus' firmhand.

"Let me call a nurse so she can help you."

"No!" He froze half way out and turned to look at me. "I-I can do it on my own."

"Sorry Alec, but I won't risk you injuring yourself any further…"

"NO!" I managed to stand, raising a hand to stop Isabelle from rushing to my side. "Please…I don'twant anyone…" I looked down.

"I can't let you on your own…"

"Then you help me." It was out before I even thought about it…maybe Magnus was right about thedrugs speaking for me, but this time I felt like it was the right choice being that he wasthe only one I was not afraid of…well, except Isabelle, but I was not asking my baby sister to cleanme.

"…" Magnus stood there in the middle of the room, completely speechless while he kept lookingat me like I had grown another head. Seriously, I was starting to grow tired of that. "You can't beserious."

"I am." I took a step forward. "I'm not asking you to shower with me." I looked down, feeling mywhole face on fire. "Just to stay at the other side of the curtain…"

"Is that blood?" I heard Isabelle say behind me.

"What part of 'I woke up with my ass bleeding' didn't you understand?" I practically growled beforetaking Magnus' hand and walking to the bathroom, not caring that by doing that I was giving him afront row view of my butt.

"Do drugs take away all of your inhibitions?"

"Dunno. I just don't care." I shrugged as we entered. It was going to be fast, I was good at fastshowers…nothing awkward and uncomfortable…just a practical way to do things. "Help me outwith this." I pointed at the gown. I heard him swallow hard before sighing.

"I see that in six years you can grow a lot more stubborn," he said as I felt his hands undoing theknot. I moved inside the shower, closing the curtain behind me and taking away the gown.

"Can you give me a towel?" I heard him moving around the place, only to see his hand slidinga white towel to me. I took it before handing him the gown and then putting it around my waist and then opened the curtain again.

"Need help with the bandages?" I nodded and he signalled me to turn around. I did and his handsmade their way to my back where the bandages closed. "Fuck," he cursed when he undid them, probably seeing my back. I took a deep breath, stepping away from him and closing the curtainagain, not daring to look into his eyes. I turned on the stream and sighed, letting the hot water hitmy tense muscles as my mind began to wander into those past days.

_After he moved the syringe away from my neck, my body began to feel strange,like all mystrength was completely drained and my mind was slowly being filled with fog…I didn't like it onebit._

"_Let's see." I tried to fight the hands that roamed my body, but I only managed to exhaustmyself "There's no use, pretty boy." I felt callous hands grip my face, making me look at the oldman. "Now stop moving if you don't want things to be…a little more forceful."_

"_No…no…no." I didn't want to hear him. I moved, attempting to kick him away, but my movementswere slow and allowed him to dodge me easily._

"_I said stay still!" With that came the first blow, easily making me kiss the floor. After that one, alot of more followed. When he was done I had no desire to even breathe as I felt him take awaymy shirt and pants, leaving me completely naked before him. I swallowed a sob, pinning my face tothe ground, embarrassed by my own weakness. "I see that you work will definitely bringsome interest," he said. I felt like a dog under a critics gaze, hoping to be good enough for a not-so-bad owner. "Well then, I'll be leaving you. Your brother still has some hours left, but we both knowhe won´t gather the money so…prepare yourself pretty boy." He passed a hand through my thighs, making me cringe at the disgusting feeling of his old hands on me. He chuckled before walking out._

_I closed my eyes, thinking that maybe some sleep would help me clear my head. I tried to thinkabout my family, but all that came to mind was a pair of yellow-green eyes. Magnus. I had stoodhim up, probably losing the last chance I had of making things right and finally give us a shot…orit was just wishful thinking from a guy that knew that he was going to be sold like an object in amatter of hours. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening again. I turnedmy head, only to find the blond guy from before looking at me._

"_Such eyes."He took a step forward."Such form."His cold gaze roamed through my body ashe ducked his body closer to mine. I tried to move away from him, but my body wouldn'tcooperate…no, this could not be happening. "I need to test the merchandise, don't I?" I shudder ranthrough my spine as I saw him kneel next to me and I felt his hands move to my legs._

"_No…" It was hard to even speak. I squirmed, trying to get rid of his touch, feeling the sting of tearsinside my eyes. His hands ghosted around my body until they reached my face. I turned awayshaking, knowing what was about to happen._

"_What? No screaming?" I froze at this prior seeing him take his hand to his pants and taking asmall object from them, a small razor. "We have to fix that."_

"_N-no…no!"My heart began pumping like as though I was running a marathon as I did everything in my power to getaway. The guy smirked, reaching for my right leg and pulling me back to him in one strong tug. Before I knew it he was cutting me with the razor, effectively getting a scream from the furthestpart of my being. He moved to open my legs until he was sitting between them, not letting me outof his grasp and using every one of my movements as an excuse to cut me again, and again, andone more time. He kept like that until I began to see black dots and all I could do was whimper forhim to stop. He chuckled and turned me around, putting me on my knees. The sudden movementmade my alerts ring back, but I was too weak to try anything except biting my lip and take a deepbreath before he shoved himself in me. I screamed, experiencing a pain I had never felt like he was tearing me apart with every stroke. He pounded without rest. I cried, digging mynails into the floor so hard I knew I would end up with bloody fingers when he finished._

"_Scream for me," he said in my ear as his fingers dug inside my wounds, earning him more yells. Isaw no point on trying to mask my pain. It was hopeless. The old man was right; there was no wayJace could get the money in time. Even over my own cries, I heard him say disgusting things behindme as I felt his body begin to lose control, probably reaching his climax. He screamed one last timeas he came, leaving my insides filled with his cum, before moving away and pushing me to the side._

"_Yes, we'll get good money out of you," he spoke, standing up and putting on his pants. "See you later, pretty boy." After he was out, I didn't move. I just let my emotions take over and for the first time ina long time, I cried myself to sleep._

"Alec! Alec!" I snapped out of my memories thanks to Magnus' worried calls. "Alec, are you okay?"

"Yes…I'm fine." I sighed, closing the now cold stream knowing that I was anything but fine, and Ihad no idea if I would ever be fine again.

**Humm I had a bad writer's block, so I'm not sure about this…what do you guys think?**

**Love it? Hate it? Review?**

**Take care!**

**P.S. Thanks to my awesome beta Miss Regina Star for fixing this!**


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

Alec PoV

A week had passed since I had woken up at the hospital. Things had been tense for everybody and I hated every second of it. In the beginning I had honestly tried to speak to Jace again, to handle the idea that Magnus didn't want to leave my side, to understand why suddenly Isabelle wanted to know my every freaking move and to cope with my mother's constant attempts of retribution… until I reached a breaking point and shoved everyone away.

First I snapped at my mother, almost telling her to go fuck herself and leave me alone… that still made me shudder because I had never lost my temper like that. Then Jace hadn't apologize, and I knew he wouldn't do it, but for clear reasons I couldn't stand him and his pride at that moment… I had warned him a thousand times that things would go wrong if he kept at it. Of course, he had ignored me and like every _fun_ twist fate had in hand, the bad thing had happened to me and he couldn't grow enough balls to accept his mistake and fucking apologize to me. After I had successfully gotten rid of my mother and brother, it was time to deal with my sister. She was determined on getting me to visit a shrink, saying that all these outbursts were caused all the emotional drama I had going on… which was probably right but that didn't mean that I wanted a complete stranger to psychoanalyze me; that was exactly what I had told her –sort of, more like yelled at her- before she got mad and told me to go do something anatomically impossible and stormed out of the hospital.

And that had only left me with a thoughtful Magnus Bane.

"_I can go if you ask; no need to yell at me," he said, narrowing his eyes at me._

"_I know I was rude but I don't want to be near anybody right now," I murmured, keeping my gaze down. After my whole freaking flashback marathon I hadn't been able to relax again. I felt the ghost of those men around me every time I closed my eyes. I could handle that… barely… but I couldn't stand the knowing looks everybody gave me every time I flinched or got lost in thought. I hated it, and I knew I needed some time alone to get in control again, to be able to hold the sanity I had left and try to make a person out of myself again._

"_Not even me." I closed my eyes at his words because they were a statement, not a question. "Just tell me what you want, Alexander." A shiver ran through my body at the sound of his voice calling me like that in a way that almost seemed intimate._

"_I want to be alone," I whispered, somehow knowing that he would hear me. "…I-I need some time." I heard him moving, his footsteps getting closer and I could only hug myself, not liking the power he seemed to have over me when I was in this state. Normally he was as silent as a cat, but I knew that he was making the noise on purpose because I still refused to look at him, knowing that one peek would be the only thing needed for me to beg him to not leave me. _

"_I already put my number on your phone," he said when he was standing next to my bed, probably signaling at the new phone Isabelle had gotten me. "I won´t try to reach you, but Alec… please, please know that I´m only a couple of words away, no matter how busy I am or if I´m in the middle of a concert… I will come." My heart was beating erratically and I could have sworn it came to a stop when a soft set of knuckles came in contact with my cheek. It was so soft and gentle that I wanted to hold his hand and make it continue. Luckily my brain won that war and I just kept quiet and unmoving._

"_I will," I managed to say in a small voice, before giving myself permission to open my eyes and see his yellow-green ones completely fixed on me._

"_See you later." He half smiled before taking a step back, looking like it had taken all his will power to do it. Then he turned around and got out._

After that, Isabelle had come back. Being her bitchy, stubborn self, she had yelled at me for pushing Magnus away, and I had just stared at her, too tired to try to make her understand what was going on in my head. Right after the whole _incident_ with Magnus six years ago, I had promised myself that I had to become strong, I had to be independent. I couldn't trust anybody because I knew they would end up leaving me… I didn't believe this just because I thought I would be a loner my whole life, or because I thought that nobody loved me, but because I knew disappointment all too well. My parents love had done it, Magnus and now Jace… part of me feared that it was a matter of time before Isabelle did it too, and that was not a happy thought at all.

"And that translates to shrinks," I told the white ball of fur that was resting on my pillow next to me like he had done every day since I had gotten out of the hospital. I was half convinced that no more sleep would come for me. I was getting used to this routine; go to sleep some hours, be awoken by a nightmare or my own crazy thoughts and then make like a zombie the whole day until I was tired enough to try to sleep again… healthy, right? "I bet you slept better than me, didn't you?" I was greeted with a pair of eyes so much like Magnus', preventing me to from looking away. Sometimes I felt that Meow was able to understand me, and for the last week, he had been the only company I had allowed myself to have. Just a pair of ears, no judgment or stupid suggestions. "I hate it when people start going to shrinks to solve their problems, I think they become dependent of them and I don't want that… I know it would help me, but first I want to get over this on my own." I sighed, taking the small cat and placing it on my chest where it purred contently, probably enjoying my body heat. I swallowed, feeling my stomach grumbling before I grimaced. I had myself on a just liquids and soft food regiment because, well, going to the restroom was not a fun experience. I was about to try to go back to sleep when my phone began beeping, signaling that I had a new text. I took it and a small frown formed in my face when I saw that it was from Magnus. I opened it and read it.

**I knw I sad tht I wouldn't bothr u but…r u ok?**

I smiled in spite everything, first because it was nice to hear from him, to see that even after pushing him away he kept his word and stuck around, and second because it was obvious that he would text like a teenager, just like Jace and Izzy. I bit my lip before replying.

**I'm hungry. I'm thinking pancakes.**

"Screw my diet, I need something eatable," I told the cat scratching its ears prior hearing my phone beep again.

**7pm Pancakes? Does this mean tht u´v just wokn up? Lol lazy ass**

I chuckled, way to lighten the mood. I had always managed to be a light sleeper. For that I was the ever present insomniac in the family, always up early in the morning and sleeping until late night. Not now. I spent most of my time lying in bed, like the entire emotional tornado that was inside my head had taken a bill to my body, exhausting me to unknown levels, but at the same time being the constant thing that kept me awake… God I missed good old resting naps.

**Yeah... want some breakfast for dinner?**

I blinked seeing the small _SENT_ message in the screen, before thinking of what I had just done. I had practically invited him over_. Fuck, fuck, fuck_. Why had I done that? I couldn't see him, not yet. I was still a mess… not the best moment to see him. I was tempted to send him another text when I saw his fast reply flash on the screen.

**Can't. Loved to. but currently on new album. U should write a song for me.**

I looked at the cat like he could confirm what I had just read; I swallowed, not knowing if I could do that when another text came to my phone.

**WITH ME. Not for me…srry.**

I had no idea what to say to that because it was tempting as hell. I wanted to do it, but he was already working on the album, I didn't know if I would be ready for that. I passed my hand over my face, thinking that the only way to get over all that had happened was to move on… or at least try to move on.

**I'll think about it.**

I groaned loudly, before taking Meow with my hand standing up in one move, regretting it instantly when everything began to spin. Once my room had steadied itself, I walked to the kitchen to prepare something to eat, the pancakes completely forgotten. Thinking that it was way too quiet, I turned on the small TV I had, letting it go on any random channel Isabelle had probably left it playing as I poured some food for Meow.

"_And now for the story of the week! We all know about Magnus Bane's mystery man._" Some guy was saying while I found a cereal box and sat at the table, not really paying much attention to him. "_Well, we might have an idea of who that is._" I froze prior slowly turning my head to the screen, seeing the couple of pictures they had since Magnus' birthday… fuck that seemed ages ago. My fingers found my phone again and I began texting furiously as the man continued speaking. "_First we all were in complete shock when this guy finally contacted our dear Maggie via twitter._" I hit send.

**E! news. NOW!**

I bit my lip, waiting for Magnus' reply or reaction. I had no real idea what I expected as I continued with my whole attention on the TV. "_A romantic reencounter at a park… well one fan got us this, I can see that things didn't work out very well._" I fisted my hands when a photo of him came out. He was looking relatively normal, a blue hoodie, a yellow tee –his favorite one if I was not mistaken… God, I was pathetic for remembering that after so long… wow he actually still had that thing! - jeans and vans… completely hot.

A knot began to form in my chest when I noticed his hunched shoulders, his head down and his hair hiding his eyes. I hated that I had left him like that, I knew that there was nothing I could have done but still, I hated seeing him suffering. "_The great Magnus Bane got stood up, that's something I had never imagined! Who does this bastard think he is?_" I let my head fall on my hand. It was like hearing the bullies talking all over again; who was I? The wimpy nerdy kid that loved to hang out with the coolest guy around… somebody that kept the greatest man at bay because he was afraid of the past "_I'm telling you, if I meet this guy I will kill him for doing this to Maggie._" I snorted at the name, I knew by heart that Magnus hated being called like that, but his producer had always used that name, and some people had heard it and now he had to put up with it. "_Back to business… well, some people say that Magnus spent the last week inside a hospital… special informants told us that he came as THE BOYFRIEND of the sick person, and now people, I know this doesn't tell us a thing but, at that same moment Nephilim's hot vocalist Jace Lightwood was inside the building taking care of his injured brother._" My lungs began to close at his words… no, please not now. My hands clenched around my phone just at the moment it started beeping when I got a call.

"Keep breathing. Don't freak…" said Magnus through the phone. He kept quiet as the man on the show continued his chatter.

"_Some of you might not know Alexander Lightwood from looks, but I'm pretty sure you know his work, being that he's the main writer of the band 'Nephilim'… anyways, here's one photo of this hot piece of ass."_ I flinched at his choice of words, suddenly feeling like… just a piece of ass for everyone to enjoy.

"Asshole," I heard Magnus' distant whisper. His voice was low and dangerous, like he knew what was going on inside my head. I didn't even pay any attention to the photo, focused only on Magnus' voice, breathing and the host's words.

"_Oh yes, your eyes are not mistaken, he has blue eyes,_" smirked the man like he had earned a million dollars. The way things worked in the industry, he probably had. "_We still have some pieces to complete the puzzle, but I promise you that I will have the whole story before you know it…"_ I turned off the TV with shaking hands. One of the perks of being the writer of the band was that no one cared about me, and the ones that did were decent people that could manage a nice small talk. I loved being away from the spotlight, the attention and dramas my siblings often enjoyed… and now one as big as a Mexican telenovela had blown up right in my face.

"I'm sorry," said the pop singer through the phone.

"It's not your fault," I managed to say, still a little breathless. My whole body was on the edge, like my subconscious felt that something was about to happen and I was everything but ready to handle the situation.

"I led them to you… God Alec, we'll figure something out, I will keep them away from you, I promise." I closed my eyes, thinking that sleep some more sounded like a wonderful idea, but I was too shaken up to think of a peaceful nap. "Alec?"

"Just… I need time… I-I'm a little better." He snorted, mirroring my thoughts. Like hell I was. "I just need time." I was hung up fighting back the memories as I looked around my house. It was familiar, home, but for some reason it didn't feel quite right… maybe I couldn't do this in my own.

"Alec?"

"Yeah?" His voice had sounded soft and somehow hopeful.

"I think I know what could help you… you need to write. Remember all those times bullies got to you, it's the best way…"

"It's not the same."

"Of course it's not the same! You're far worse! Please, can I come over tomorrow? Let me help you…"

"Why do you think you´re the only one that can help me? You left me, how do I know you won't do that again! How could I trust you again? Why do you even want to be with me?" I was shaking, feeling torn apart. I was afraid of trusting him, of letting him near me, even if he had somehow squeezed inside my life again… but on the other hand I missed him so freaking much.

"Because I love you Alexander."

Magnus PoV

Silence. Was all that had answered me before my ears were filled with the beeping sound of the phone. I closed my eyes before I put my phone down and turned my eyes at to TV screen, too numb and troubled to give it enough attention.

I had the worst timing, I knew that. The thing was that I had sensed so much heartbreak and desperation inside his voice that I had blurted out those words even before I realized it. I didn't regret it, not one bit, because now that I had voiced my feelings I could understand things a little better. Why was Alec so important? Why I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him over six years? Why the sudden desire to call that stupid show and yell at the world that yes, he was mine and I loved him… but of course I couldn't do that because thanks to my past actions he had completely shut himself away from the world.

I saw my guitar laying on the ground, the same one that I had been using the day we met… so many stupid decisions one could make in so little time. Now at least I knew what his worst fear was; he was afraid of trusting and letting people in again, and I was the cause of that.

"Are you going out tomorrow?" asked Ragnor from the other side of the room.

"Of course."

"He hung up on you Mag, I think you're taking too much effort on…" he shut up when I glared at him.

"Didn't you hear me? I love him and I won't stop until I make him better." And making him write a song with me was the best way to do it.

**Hello! So I know last chapter was strong, don't worry it was the last one! This story has about 2-3 more chapters and then is done =D**

**Thank you so much for all your reviews and faves! And of course thanks to my amazing beta Miss Regina Star.**

**Soo what do you think? Love it? Hate it? Review!**

**Take care!**


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

Jace PoV

I glared at the redhead –cute- midget that was in front of me. Who would have thought that so much stubbornness could fit inside that small body? Not me.

"You need to go talk to him" she started making me roll my eyes annoyed, maybe she was cute and all but she was also a huge pain in the ass.

"He doesn't want anybody near him…much less me" I walked to lean my hips on the table leaving her standing in the middle of my living room.

"That´s exactly why you must talk to him, he´s your brother and best friend, you owe him an apology" I frowned taken back by her words.

"How do you know that I haven't apologized?" I narrowed my eyes at her and she smiled warmly.

"Because I know you" she walked to stand in front of me taking my hands between hers "Jace I know you and the fact that you haven't talked to Alec it´s not because he told you to stay away, but because you´re scared"

"I´m not scared of anything" I snorted while she gave me an eyeroll.

"Yes you are, you´re scared of losing your brother because you fucked up" I raised an eyebrow stunned about hearing her swear, she never did it. She sighed before taking a step forward, I opened my legs a little wider letting her stand between them. She did it before hugging me "I know you miss him but Jace he needs you too, your brother was raped and harmed" I flinched at her words hating that they were meant for my best friend "Don't you think it´s time to forget your pride and think about him?"

"He has Magnus" I said lamely hating that she could see so easily through me.

"He has issues with Magnus. We both know that Alec won´t let him near so easily…" I grimaced keeping my gaze away.

"Izzy…"

"Do you really think he would talk about his _experience_ with his baby sister?" she raised her hand to play with my hair. I closed my eyes savoring her caress knowing that I would never find a person like her. It was still a little burry how we ended up like this but I could not complain. I sighed moving my hands to rest them on her waist and pulling her closer to me.

"And would I say to him?" I asked putting my forehead against hers.

"_Sorry_ might be a good start" she said looking at me with her beautiful eyes.

"Fine, but first, we need to plan what we´ll do about the media" I closed my eyes knowing that things would start to get bad, at least I knew that Alec´s address was unknown to the reporters and that they wouldn't bother him for a while.

"I think that you should let him decide…him and Magnus, you just have to stand by him and let him know that even with all of this he still has his brother, his best friend" she tugged my hand towards the door "No losing time, go now" I smiled before pulling her to me taking her face between my hands "Thank you" I kissed her slowly prior walking out knowing that she was right. Six years ago Alec had felt so alone that the only escape he found was a stranger on a park instead of his own family. I could not let that happen again.

Alec PoV

When I was little, my father said that being a Lightwood meant to be tough, confident and fearless, he told me that we had a long family history to prove how ruthless and secure my ancestors had been…I had never fit inside that description.

I was shy and selfless. I lacked so much confidence that I surprised myself for having lived through all this shit somehow in one piece and I was, by no means, strong. Right now all I could do was to stay there, hugging my knees sitting on my couch, trying to keep myself together. The most amazing person in the world had told me that he loved me and I had cowered down and crawled back to my hole hoping for all of this to go away.

Maybe if I could have more than one hour sleep without nightmares; if I could stomach real food; if my cuts didn't sting this much or of my ass didn't hurt so freaking much every time I dared to sit in a not so soft surface…maybe if I had the guts I thought I had some time ago, I might had talked to him, tell him that even if I wasn't sure that I loved him, I held real and strong feelings for Magnus.

Now I could not do such a thing.

I rested my head on the back of the couch not looking at anything in particular, just trying hard not to cry. That would have been pathetic, the tip of the iceberg…I couldn't let myself cry, even when I was alone; that would be too much to handle, too much to come back from.

Magnus hadn't stopped trying to contact me, nor Isabelle or the band…I had considered to let my phone die but for some reason seeing their unanswered texts or their missed calls made me feel less lonely…again pathetic. All because I could not gather the balls to pull myself together and try sorting things with the singer.

"Stop" I hissed passing an angry hand through my face stopping the threatening tears. Everything managed to overwhelm me at this point and thinking that my life would probably be exposed to the world to judge was making things even worse "Do you think he'll come?" I asked Meow who looked at me from the other end of the couch, he said he wanted to come today and I had all sorts of emotions for seeing him again, a part of me was scared because all of the sudden he was there, his real and amazing self saying that he loved me.

How could I think that it was truth when he had pushed me away so heartlessly six years ago?

How could I not believe him when he had been there from the beginning putting himself in line for me?

Another part of me could hardly contain my excitement because it felt like ages sense I last saw him, and the faint memory of that kiss he had shared at his apartment kept me sane enough to think that maybe there was still some hope for me, that if I still craved for him I could get over the terrifying thought of someone touching me again.

I was so fucking confused.

I sighed when I heard someone knocking on my door, I bit my lip thinking that it could be a lucky paparazzi that had finally found my address…then again it could be one of my siblings, and even like this I had to accept that I had to talk this through, that maybe I had to let someone else in to put some order in my life "Coming!" I said walking to see through the peek hole finding the unmistakable sight of Jace's hair. I swallowed prior opening the door.

"Hey" he said when we came face to face before pushing me inside and closing the door behind him "I think no paparazzi followed me but I would love to stay sure that they can't find you"

"Okay" I spoke looking at him, I was still a little mad at him, so he had to talk first.

"Still mad at me?" he raised an eyebrow not losing his usual smug expression "Looks like your cool down time didn't pay off…"

"Why are you here?" I found myself asking sensing his eyes looking at me critically, like seeing how far down I was. He knew me well enough for that.

"I'm here to apologize" he sighed finally letting go of his usual mask "Clary had to kick my ass and tell me how much of an idiot I was being…I'm sorry that it had taken that for me to realize that I should be here with you, whether you want it or now…I'm sorry for not listening to you, for being my usual stupid self and hurting you for that…I'm sorry Alec" he searched my eyes, I was too stunned about his speech to try not to look surprised "I fucked up, and I was afraid of losing you, you are my brother and best friend…I disappointed you once six years ago…"

"What?" I frowned "You didn't do anything six years ago"

"Stop pretending Alec" he looked at me in a tired way "The years before that you were always away from me, we hardly even talked…you didn't even trust me to tell me that you were gay and I'm sorry for that" he looked so out of place, so insecure and _weird _that I had no option but to let out a small chuckle…this was just too much.

"I think I'm living inside a joke right now" I laughed humorlessly "First Magnus, then you…I'm starting to think that fate has a dry sense of humor" I walked to sit back at the couch not paying mind to Jace.

"What did Magnus do?" I felt him sit beside me.

"He told me that he loved me…"

"That's not news" he snorted "I saw that the moment he played that song for you…What's going on with you Alec?"

"I-I don't know…I honestly don't have the slightest idea" I covered my face with my hands.

"Okay then, speak…I don't care if you haven't forgiven me or wont talk to me again, but speak to me dude, it will help you"

"You know what…fine!" I stood up abruptly and began pacing knowing that he was right, I had to let all of this go, to say everything "I fucking hate this!" I yelled "I hate that I couldn't have my freaking date with Magnus because of you! I hate that I'm miserable and aching right now because you couldn't hear me…I hate that even if I'm mad at you I have already forgiven you! I hate Magnus for confusing me! If he loves me, then why the fuck did he left all those years ago? I have no idea what to think of him!" I swallowed trying to regain my breath passing a hand through my hair "I hate my parents so much because they couldn't love me for who I am! I hate my mother for thinking that she could show up after all those years and think that I could even see her! I hate that I fucking want to see her! To hug my mother! And I hate myself for being this weak! I hate myself for loving Magnus even if I know he will disappoint me! I hate you because you were the reason I was so miserable in high school!" he frowned taken back by my words "I had a crush on you Jace…I hated myself every minute of the day because that was wrong and disgusting! I hated school because it was hell! And the only moment when I was free and happy was with him, until he decided to take that away. I hate those sons of bitches that did this to me; they were planning on selling me Jace, like I was a freaking object! I felt that I was done for…" I looked at the floor not being able to hold my tears away any longer "Why? FUCKING WHY all of this keeps happening to me? And now, what? Am I supposed to smile and let things get better? I can't do it Jace…I can't hope that things will be good because every time I do that, something happens and lets me even more fucked up than before" I sniffed pushing the heels of my hands into my eyes feeling my body shake in rage until another body collide with mine making me freeze. Jace was hugging me, hard and even painful, but I didn't care. I hugged him back thinking that it was a rare occurrence but for once, in a perfect timing. We stood like that for God knows how long. I knew I craved for somebody else's hug and warmth, but my brother was the next best thing.

"Life does get better" he said making me frown because he was the least hopeful person I had ever known "I'm not the one to talk but sometimes when you find someone that makes you want to hope, you have to take a risk…I can't help you with this Alec, no more than hearing you out and try to give you advice…the only ones capable of doing anything are you and Magnus"

"Are you sure you're Jace and not Isabelle inside that body?" I laughed breathlessly moving one step away seeing him roll his eyes.

"She couldn't portray this much awesomeness" he winked "I'm serious"

"He told me he wants to do a song with me" I shoved my hands in my pockets.

"You should do it, it's been a while sense we heard you sing" he shrugged smiling a little.

"I didn't say anything about singing" I widened my eyes at this "Do you think he meant that? I can't sing"

"Yes you can, in the band you should be the one singing and not me, I should be only prizing people with my guitar skills, and what did you say to him?" I scratched the back of my head.

"I freaked out on him, he told me that he loved me and I hung up on him"

"Harsh" he chuckled "Okay then, text him, ask him where is he and go with him to write some songs"

"Wouldn't be better if I ask him to come here?" my hand regained its spot inside my pocket.

"No, because I'm pretty sure he has paparazzi on his tail, and if he comes here he will lead them straight to your home, and we don't want that" Good point "Besides, you've been locked in here for a lot of time, you need to go out"

"I guess you're right" I sighed pressing my lips together feeing my growing beard itch and my hair even more messed up "How long are you staying?"

"I can take you with Magnus, so text him" he looked around spotting my phone on the couch and handing it to me "Now" I rolled my eyes before opening it and beginning to type.

**Where are you?**

I bit my lip not sure about the text, maybe it sounded too demanding…or maybe he was mad at me for hanging up or…

"Stop thinking…I swear to God that that brain of yours its bad for your health" mumbled Jace looking at his phone, probably texting Clary about his mission "And what are you going to do about Izzy? You guy's haven't talked in a while and that's beginning to worry me"

"Magnus and Meow were the only ones I talked this past week…Izzy can see right through me and I can't risk that…maybe tomorrow I'll call her, I don't know" I grimaced before seeing my phone turn on telling me that I had a new text.

**My place…y?**

I felt a little tug inside my heart because it almost felt that he was wary about me, maybe I hurt him more than I thought by hanging up on him.

**I'm paying you a visit…r u still up for a song together?**

Magnus PoV

I blinked not being able to get around the idea of him offering to come over. That was just too good, too damn awesome. I shook my head trying to get a hold of my excitement before replying him.

**Of course, I'll b waiting.**

I let my phone on the table prior covering my mouth with my hand covering the stupid grin that covered my face. I was going to see him again, God I had missed him so much, I was still amazed about having been six years without him without going insane.

"What are you smiling about?" inquired Camille looking at me with a huge frown on her face some minutes after I sent the text, I hadn't even heard her go out of the shower, who knew how long I had been there lost in thought.

"He texted me" I whispered looking at her "He will write a song with me"

"Well that's great and all but Mag, don't get your hopes up just yet, I can't stand to watch you in pain" she walked to sit next to me taking my hand "Is he really worth it? Even all the drama around the media"

"Camille" I pressed her hand lightly "He is everything, he was the one that pushed me to follow my dreams and I stepped all over him to get them only to realize that without him I am nothing, that all the fame, money and everything doesn't matter if he's not with me" my grin grew bigger "And I think I just found the perfect new song for the album"

"Oh God" she shook her head "You are hopelessly in love, aren't you?"

"And damn happy for that" I shrugged when the doorbell rang and I sprinted to the door opening it without a second thought only to see him there, finally in front of me after what it felt like an eternity "Alexander" I sounded my throat moving to the side letting him in. I bit my lip not resisting taking a critical look at him, he looked paler and thinner, his face was clean shaved but somehow I knew that he had just done that to meet me. I could still see some bruises over his face and I was sure he had a bigger collection under his baggy sweater…it was surreal seeing the strong man from the club ducking his head and narrowing his shoulders just like the kid from the park, the two parts of Alec were colliding with each other in this moment of sorrow and I had a feeling that the only way for Alec to get on with his life was to make peace with both parts and become who he was meant to be.

"Hi" he said finally looking at me "I-I'm sorry for…" I raised my hand stopping him before walking to get my guitar silently thanking Camille for disappearing into my room giving us some privacy. I sat on the couch signaling him to do the same, once he did it I placed my guitar in my lap and looked back at him losing myself inside his cerulean eyes.

"Shall we?" I asked.

**Hi! First, thank you thank you thank you for all of your reviews, faves and alerts! You guy's rock! xD**

**Well school is finally done and this came out, I really hope you like it! Please tell me what you think! I promise you another chapter this week xD yay for free time!**

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**Take care people!**


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Alec PoV

This was not working.

The minute I stepped inside his loft I knew that it was a bad idea. I was still dealing with my feelings, still deciding what to do about him but there I was, thanks to Jace' giant nudge hoping for us to write something together. I mean, how could we do that when the music we both loved was so different, his music was all pop –some good, some trash like I had already told him- and mine was rock with something classic in it…fitting those two would be hard and the result could be something weird…a lot like us. Opposites attract, they say, maybe it was truth; I knew that Magnus' never ending energy, colorful clothes and crazy demeanor had been something that had drawn me to him in the first place…maybe it was the same for him.

I stared at the blank paper on my hand taking a pen and beginning to write everything that came to mind. It was odd how easily the words came to me when he was involved, it was like he triggered something inside of me letting me be myself and do the things I wanted to do without much fear of what was to come.

I bit my lip looking at the sheet I had in front of me, it was like I had puked my feelings in that single sheet, but I didn't know if I was ready to share them with him just yet. I raised my eyes to look at Magnus; he was playing his guitar, some simple notes probably to make the room less awkward, his face had a soft expression, like he was expecting this to go this way, like always he seemed to be one step ahead of me. I let my eyes roam through him, he was colorful again, wearing some royal blue jeans, a purple tee that quoted 'Sexy and I know it', some black boots and his hair in a combination of navy and silver…he was the Magnus I knew at the park, the Magnus that rocked hundreds of stages…the Magnus that had abandoned me.

"First you smile, and now you're grimacing…what's on your mind Alec?" he asked looking at me stopping his playing.

"Why did you do it?" I blurted feeling my cheeks grow red as I looked down.

"For every childish, egocentric reason you can think of" he explained in a neutral voice "You were nothing, just a boy at the park…someone that would slow me down and that I didn't need, to make myself famous" I fisted my hands hearing his words "Or that was what I tried to tell myself every day…You were so different from everyone I had met, you were innocent and made me someone I hadn't been in such a long time…but you were too scared, it was clear that you would be stuck in the closet for a while" he chuckled dryly making me raise my sight "The moment you told me that you were out all I wanted to do was to run with you, hug you, kiss you and tell you that I was so fucking proud of you…but I just sat there with an idiot's arm around me…I'm sorry Alexander" he locked his gaze with mine "You have no idea how sorry I am, how foolish I think I am for letting someone like you go" he sighed and began to play again.

I pressed my lips together looking at the floor thinking about what he had said. He was being truthful and I appreciated that…everybody made mistakes and…who was I kidding? I wanted to give him another chance, I wanted to forgive him and run to his embrace because I knew he would make things a lot more bearable. I looked around only hearing his soft music…until I heard a note that I liked.

"I like that one, keep it up" I said and he smiled doing it again.

"Nothing comes to mind?" he asked looking at the sheet in my hands "We both know that if you write what you feel it will come naturally…" I grimaced, hoping for strength to sing in front of him again.

"What kind of song do you have in mind? After all is your album…I don't think my lyrics fit in it"

"Maybe not, but who said it would be in my album? Maybe it can be in Nephilim's new album" he grimaced seeing my reluctance to go on "Fine, I have a guest, I'll let her go out of my room and show her the way out because I know she would probably be hearing us right now" I froze at this…a guest in his room…no, he couldn't have…

"Relax, he's like my brother" said a feminine voice behind me, I turned feeling my cheeks burn seeing Camille standing there. I knew her from several of Isabelle's magazines and I knew she was Magnus' best friend "Bye, bye" she waved at me walking to the entrance motioning Magnus to follow her, he did it leaving his guitar behind.

I let out a breath prior reaching for his guitar feeling the familiarity of it, I looked at it like I would see an old friend, seeing the scarring edges, the polished front and testing the strings…I knew it just like his owner. I began playing a little thinking about everything that had passed that day, everything that I felt and everything that I had told Jace…How I was afraid of people disappointing me, of having my hopes crushed every fucking time, of how much I hated my bad luck because it kept coming back every time…I closed my eyes finally voicing my lyrics.

I'm dying to catch my breath  
>Oh why don't I ever learn?<br>I've lost all my trust,  
>though I've surely tried to turn it around<p>

I sang in undertone feeling my throat a little raspy but I was happy with that verse so I continued humming low creating the melody. I felt Magnus around but I kept my eyes closed knowing that I would lose my courage the minute I saw him but I also needed him to know that he was important to me because even if I had taken a big step for him six years ago, these past weeks I had never told him how much he mattered to me, how much I knew I needed him…how much I feared giving him that second chance.

Can you still see the heart of me?  
>All my agony fades away<br>when you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down for all I need  
>Make my heart a better place<br>Give me something I can believe  
>Don't tear me down<br>You've opened the door now, don't let it close

I opened my eyes looking at him, he had a small recorder in his hand, the one he used for moments like this. I didn't mind him doing that because I knew I wouldn't be able to sing that song again today, the emotional hurricane inside my soul was taking a tool of me.

I'm here on the edge again  
>I wish I could let it go<br>I know that I'm only one step away  
>from turning it around<p>

I saw him walk to take another guitar and began to play with me only bringing the rhythm up a nudge moving to see the lyrics and singing with me making my heart flutter.

Can you still see the heart of me?  
>All my agony fades away<br>when you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down for all I need  
>Make my heart a better place<br>Give me something I can believe

Don't tear it down, what's left of me  
>Make my heart a better place<p>

I sang in an unspoken plea because I knew that after today there was no running back, I was there sharing everything I had, all the fear and insecurities, hoping to forget how broken I really was standing by him.

I tried many times but nothing was real  
>Make it fade away, don't break me down<br>I want to believe that this is for real  
>Save me from my fear<br>Don't tear me down

I swallowed the tears that were threatening to fall stopping my playing for a second hearing Magnus stop too "Alec?" he asked in a soft voice and just like that I knew that if I let myself break he would drop _everything_ and run to me, not even taking a second thought. That same realization made me almost lose it but I was determined to at least finish the song first.

Don't tear me down for all I need  
>Make my heart a better place<br>Don't tear me down for all I need  
>Make my heart a better place<p>

Give me something I can believe  
>Don't tear it down, what's left of me<br>Make my heart a better place  
>Make my heart a better place<p>

Magnus PoV

I watched him finish the song, a song that had my heart the moment he opened his mouth because I knew it came from deep inside of him. I had felt his every fear, his every emotion…his love to me -even if he seemed reluctant to accept it- and I had taken it all, cherishing it because to me, it was far more valuable than anything I could have gotten over the years. I saw him put down the guitar with shaking hands as I stood up and walked to stand beside him offering my hand. He took it without hesitation and I pulled him embracing him with my arms offering him the support he needed.

"I love you" I whispered and I felt him tremble right before he began crying tugging my clothes with his fingers pulling me to him in a painful hug. I didn't care, I hugged him just as strong fighting my own tears as I heard his sorrowful sobs. At first they were soft, like he was trying to hold himself back, but then he must've given up because his cries grew almost like he was releasing all his pain and hatred in those tears…I had a feeling he hadn't let himself shed a single tear ever sense we got him back "Thank you" I said getting emotional from that simple thought.

"F-for what?" came his muffled voice through my clothes.

"For trusting me like this when I don't deserve it" I kissed his head "Please understand that I love you more than I could even think of loving someone…"

"You can't love me…we hardly know each other" he interrupted me getting a hold of himself but still not letting go of me…and I loved every second of that.

"On the contraire my love" I nuzzled his neck but the moment my face touched him he backed away.

"Sorry…just…" he spoke avoiding my gaze "…no" I sighed thinking that I had been foolish to think that he would let me close to him, he wasn't doped anymore, his defenses were up and high in that matter.

"Want to talk about it?" he shook his head not surprising me.

"Not yet" he whispered "But…t-there's one thing I would like to t-try" I frowned not getting what he wanted to do until he reached to grab my neck and pulling me towards him. He stopped when our faces were an inch apart, our breaths ghosting on our lips. It was like he wanted to gather the strength to complete the kiss. My heart was beating so fast I was amazed that I hadn't have a stroke, unable to hold myself I let my lower lip to caress his own sensing his breath hitch right before he closed the distance finally kissing me.

Our lips danced together liked they were meant to find each other, fitting just in the right places, putting the right amount of pressure and the perfect movement. I felt his hands move to tangle with my hair putting a little more force into the kiss, making it a lot like the one we had shared all those weeks ago. I ventured my hands back at his waist pulling him to me eager to feel his hard body against my own and moaning when his fingers slid through my locks. Pushing my luck I let my tongue begin to touch his lower lip, in a less than characteristic shy gesture, he trembled stopping his movements before kissing me softly one more time and then completely ending it.

"I'm sorry" I heard his strangled voice as he hugged me hiding his face in the crook of my neck.

"Don't worry" I hummed thinking that it was even worse than when we were younger. I kissed his cheek before pulling apart from him "So…what?"

"What, what?" he frowned confused.

"What's happening between us…what will happen to the media? I'm freakishly sorry for saying this but we need to talk about it" I said taking his hand and walking to my room and putting him in front of my window for him to see the paparazzi downstairs eagerly waiting for either of us to make a declaration.

"I don't think I can deal with them" he stepped back shaking his head.

"You can, Alec I hate it when you think that you're not strong because you are one of the strongest people I've known" I turned him to look at him in the eye "Most of the kids their parents throw out at a young age turn into hobos, druggies or even choose suicide…you stood up and made a living. When all this shit happened, you didn't cry and begged for attention when most of the people do it, you put up a strong face for the sake of your family and took the sorry on your own…you don't have to do that anymore because you have me…I wont let you go, not again" he didn't say a thing, he just kept looking down "So?"

"I guess we could try it"

"Try what?"

"…us"

"What do you mean us?" I crooked an eyebrow seeing the edges of his lips curve up, he knew I was teasing him, he was red as a tomato but he kept going.

"Us…as in a relationship"

"There are lots of relation…"

"Magnus!" he yelled in an amused voice "Will you shut up?" I did it and he smiled "Wow, never got you to do that in the past"

"Yeah well, you were a lot more shy Clark Kent…now you are a fucking sexy Superman, it's hard not to take notice of you" he widen his smile making me heart flutter.

"Maybe less superman and more…Magnus' boyfriend?" his eyes found mine even if his skin was completely red.

"Definitely"

**Super short! I know! But I wanted to get this one out!**

**I hope you all had an awesome Christmas and I wish you all a great new year!**

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	14. Chapter 14

**Last time I forgot…the song I used was "All I need" by Within Temptation and in this chapter I used "So far away" by Staind. **

CHAPTER 14

Alec PoV

If someone might had said to me a couple of years ago that I would be standing next to a camera and a very smiley Magnus announcing our relationship on national TV…I would have laughed and told that someone that needed to check his brains…now, well here I was knowing that I hated this idea and the two people responsible for it (a.k.a. Jace and Izzy) were going to pay for doing this to me…slow and painful.

"So…care to give us a scoop about how you two met?" asked the hostess sitting on the other couch. It was a normal night talk show, they had invited Magnus to perform…how had I ended up in that couch with him? I still had no idea.

"Well it's a funny story" began Magnus chuckling "I was at the park trying to think about a song…" I rolled my eyes at this. I had been watching him, he had been making a huge tantrum and as a result my glasses were broken.

"Well Alec seems to think differently" interrupted the blond woman.

"I think that thinking about a song and making a tantrum because he hated his manager at that moment must be synonymous for Magnus" I said earning a light slap in the arm by my boyfriend, who had a very _fake_ hurt face.

"You offend me my love" he said making everyone laugh "See…that's why he earned what happened next"

"What happened?" inquired the woman and I sighed thinking that maybe I hated being up there but it felt good how welcoming the people had been with our relationship…it _almost _made everything else go away.

"He threw his guitar right at my face" I pointed at him with my thumb "Broke my glasses and went to see how I was _after_ he checked that my face wasn't printed on his precious guitar" at this Magnus simply shrugged keeping his smile.

"Bones can be fixed, guitars can't…and I bought him new specks" said this he took my hand and directed his amazing smile at me. Not being able to stop the stupid grin that came over my face when he did that I didn't notice the camera making a fucking huge close up in my face…when I finally did I had no option than turn redder than a freaking tomato and hoping for earth to swallow me.

"Aww aren't you just adorable" sighed the hostess making the public laugh "Okay, okay so that's how that romance bloomed…care to tell us something else?" I noticed how Magnus looked down and I saw the regret for his actions shine inside his yellow-green eyes.

"No need" I grasped his hand "We're together now and we're happy" at this Magnus gave me a small smile, the one I knew that was the most amazing of them all because it showed the man underneath all the glamour and fame, just the guy that regretted his actions and that said that loved me every day sense that time when he said it though the phone two months ago.

"I'm sure someone will make a movie out of you two sometime" at this we laughed but my heart wasn't into it…I sure hoped not, who would want to make a life like mine for the world to see? "So, a little bird told me that you wrote a couple of songs together"

_I am going to kill my sister…_

"Yes, I don't know if I'll add them to my album or not though" spoke my boyfriend noticing that I was not entirely comfortable with talking about our songs.

"Would it be awful if you sing one for us?" oh shit…and then the crowd was chanting _Sing! Sing!_ Like they were fucking trained for it. I looked at Magnus desperately, I couldn't sing like this but I hated that people could think of me like a jerk for not singing a stupid song in a more stupid morning show.

"Alexander?" and I was lost. When Magnus used my whole name like that I could not refuse him…and he freaking knew it. It was just like that time when he had convinced me to let him dress me for a party...or when he had convinced me to stay at his apartment for a night…I still was a little weary about that being that I still had current nightmares and the last thing I wanted was to worry him.

"Which one?" I sighed defeated rolling my eyes at his exited yelp. Of course he wanted me to gain more confidence in my singing, he hated that Jace had to vocalize my songs, so apparently he had made his personal mission to get me to sing in front of people…I had no idea how I felt about that.

"All I need?" at this part of the crew walked in to give us our guitars confirming me that all of this had been an evil plan by my siblings and boyfriend.

"No" I bit my lip, that song made us a crying mess every time we sang it together, I didn't need that in TV "So far away" I sighed thinking that it was the least harmless song. Magnus grinned; he loved that one for two reasons: It had good lyrics –if I said so myself, my lyrics were something I would always be proud of- and that I sang most of it.

"Nice choice my love" said this he began testing the guitar until he gave me the start note and we both began playing. I swallowed closing my eyes and sang.

This is my life  
>Its not what it was before<br>All these feelings I've shared  
>And these are my dreams<br>That I'd never lived before  
>Somebody shake me<br>'Cause I  
>I must be sleeping<p>

Now that we're here,  
>It's so far away<br>All the struggle we thought was in vain  
>All in the mistakes,<br>One life contained  
>They all finally start to go away<br>Now that we're here it's so far away  
>And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive<br>And I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today

After those first notes I decided that it was safe to open my eyes again. I did only to see directly into the crowd, they were silent, listening to the song…listening to my voice. I heard the small devious voice inside my head wanting to convince me that they were like that because I was no good…I tried to shut it down but to no avail so I looked for confidence landing my gaze in Magnus, his eyes were glowing and he had that small smile on his lips. He nodded once like he was telling me that everything was okay, that I was doing good.

These are my words  
>That I've never said before<br>I think I'm doing okay  
>And this is the smile<br>That I've never shown before

I looked at Magnus as he took some air and began backing me up.

Somebody shake me 'cause I  
>I must be sleeping<p>

Now that we're here,  
>It's so far away<br>All the struggle we thought was in vain  
>All in the mistakes,<br>One life contained  
>They all finally start to go away<br>Now that we're here it's so far away  
>And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive<br>And I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today

I grinned loving the way our voices sounded together; his was softer and somehow had more energy, while mine was a little deeper and when I was into it –like now- it could be stronger.

I'm so afraid of waking  
>Please don't shake me<br>Afraid of waking  
>Please don't shake me<p>

We hit the last chorus and I was surprised to hear some voices following us, how people could get the lyrics in the first go was a mystery to me, but I wasn't complaining.

Magnus PoV

I watched him beam as I knew he would as the people in the studio cheered for his song. He was red as a cherry but he could not wipe the huge grin of his face as he looked down…oh yes, my Alec was being pushed out of his shell but he was finally beginning to consider helping us out a little so we could get him to see the light. It was nice to see him this happy after weeks of having just a shade of who he was around me.

"That was beautiful!" applauded the hostess clapping her hands "Sadly, our time is up but I assure you, you won't miss these two much! A big round of applause to Magnus Bane and Alexander Lightwood" she stood up and we followed her "And see you tomorrow!" we waved at the camera until a man called _CUT! _And then we said goodbye to her and before I could blink Alec was out of the stage…should've known, he was probably going to slaughter his siblings. I kissed the woman on her cheek and I hurried to find him, it turned out that I didn't need much looking because he was having a little yelling contest with his sister.

"Are you crazy! How could you do that to me!" he was flustered and was looking at her with pure rage…yeah having him in front of millions of eyes just didn't cut it.

"It was for your own good…you couldn't keep hiding your relationship and this was the best way to get rid of the paparazzi…it's not fair" she refuted looking annoyed as she put her hands on her hips "I know why you've been avoiding me big brother, but sorry this had to be done" and her eyes found mine…just _peachy_ "Magnus, tell him that it was the right thing to do"

"Sorry sugar but even if I tell him, he will still be mad at you" I shrugged and both of them rolled their eyes as Jace made his attempt to calm my boyfriend.

"Chill man, they freaking loved you like I knew they would ever since I asked you to do the bands vocals…just that now you have more gay inspiration to go for and we could bring more emo audience to us" at this Alec punched him in the shoulder…not too hard to bruise but hard enough for Jace to whine "Dude!"

"Not helping!" he turned to Izzy again "Don't ever do something like this again"

"Sure, I don't think I'll need to…"

"Alec!" we all turned at the little voice calling for him. Max. I smiled seeing all the anger vaporize from my boyfriend's face being replaced by pure excitement.

"Max! What are you doing here?" he asked kneeling for the imminent hug the kid gave him. It was always nice to see the little geeky fellow; he always brought a certain shine inside Alec's eyes making them bluer than ever. Of course seeing him meant that Maryse wouldn't be too far away, so I looked around spotting her about five feet from us looking weary like every time she and Alec were in the same room being that Alexander hadn't spoken a word to her since he kicked her out of his room in the hospital.

"Mom brought me, we saw you on TV, it was awesome!" explained Max.

"You see me more on TV and you never get this excited tweeb" mocked Jace ruffling his little brothers hair.

"Because of that exactly, it stopped being exciting the twentieth time I saw you" said the kid putting his hands on his hair and moving away from his brother.

"Did you like the song?" inquired Alec standing up.

"Yes…mom said she would definitely buy your album" at this I saw Alec look up to meet his mother's eyes. Her gaze was unsure and it lacked of the fire I normally saw in her, Alec sighed pressing his lips together.

"That would be great" he spoke in a soft voice "Glad you guys could see us" at this he looked back at his mother giving her a small smile "We have to go, see you later" he hugged his siblings and just as I said goodbye to them I watched him walk to his mother and surprised her by kissing her cheek and whispering something to her. After this he turned around offering me his hand, I walked to take it waving to the woman prior going out of the studio.

"Are you getting ready to forgive your mother?" I asked once we were inside my car traveling to my apartment.

"Not really" he mumbled looking through the window with saddened eyes "But I can learn to live with it…like I do with everything else" he practically whispered that last part making me think that he had probably just thought it out loud so I decided not to say a thing about it.

"It's a start" I raised my shoulders. I knew how he felt; it was hard to forgive a parent that could kick a son like that but she was his mother and she was trying to get him back "I'm proud of you" I was looking up front but I could picture his blush quite perfectly "Thanks"

"For what?" I shrugged.

"For accepting me in front of the world I guess…I know it hasn't been easy, dealing with _everything _but I think we can get through it and this is a nice step forward" I grinned. These past couple of months had been great. It was like we had a little over time to get to know each other all over again. Yes maybe we hadn't have sex yet, and maybe we wouldn't be having for a while, but I didn't care, I was happy and Alexander seemed to be the same…_even after what happened a week ago_…

"You're coping with all my shit, it's the least I can do" he said softly making me frown.

"What shit?" I turned to look at him and he was raising his eyebrow giving me an _are-you-freaking-dumb? _Look.

"Magnus I kept and eye on you for the past years…I know how easily you changed partners…seeing you wait for me…and after what happened the other time" he grimaced looking down and I knew I had to be sincere with him or he wouldn't let things be.

"It does require a lot of cold showers and I know it frustrates you" I sighed "But I'm okay with it…and don't you dare think otherwise" after this we continued in silence, just the low sound of music as our companion. We arrived home and walked out just as a couple of photographers closed on us taking shot after shot, Alec clearly was not in the mood as he promptly shoved past them and inside the building. I raised my eyebrow at his behavior being that normally he at least waved at them. It was odd how we could get used to something like this.

I guessed that being a couple with The Magnus Bane was something to have crazy people following you for.

"Good night guys" I said as I hurried to reach Alec. Once I did I simply looked at him trying to figure out what had changed his mood so drastically, this was nothing like him. Normally the PMSy one was me "Want to talk about what's going on your head?" I decided to ask as I opened the door and we both walked in being greeted by the little white ball I liked to call my cat.

I smiled picking it up. I had never once thought that Alec had been the one that found him, I still remembered that beautiful day that I saw him again, he had been quietly sleeping in my boyfriend's bed like he freaking belonged there…after a whole embarrassing scene where I screamed like a little girl and almost gave the poor cat a heart attack I could finally tell Alec that Chairman Meow was mine…and then he smiled and told me to get him back home '_Either way, we know I will be spending a lot of time there_' he had said making me the happiest person alive at that moment.

"Why did you give me that necklace?" he asked getting me out of my memories. I frowned seeing him sitting on my couch with a distant look on his face.

"Because I knew you had it in you…but you just needed a push to be it" he grimaced at this.

"That doesn't make much sense"

"You are brave Alec…that rune was just a little token to give you confidence, nothing more" I sat on the couch turning my body so I could be facing him "What's really troubling you love?" he opened his mouth and then closed it, then he repeated that same process until he apparently got even more frustrated and stood up giving me his back.

"I want to be able to have sex with my boyfriend" he spoke in a strangled voice and I bit my lip remembering last week's events.

_He kissed me hard, needy and unsure at the same time. Only Alec could manage such a combination and make me so horny with it. I pushed my hands on his black strands loving the moan he gave me as his hands seized my sides, I was so hard and so happy that we were finally making up like this that I didn't take a second thought to push him to his back and ravish his neck. It was so good to finally feel his body against mine, burning hot and freakishly strong, something I had never associated him with, not until some months ago. We were still clothed so I decided to push my limits snaking my hand inside his shirt feeling his shiver in every inch of his body._

"_M-Magnus" he whispered putting his hands on my shoulders…maybe he was right and he didn't need a doctor to see if he was good, maybe he was dealing with things better than we all hoped for._

_I was _so_ wrong._

_The thing was that I still had my rings and necklaces with me and with one harsh movement I accidentally scratched his abs and two seconds later Alec was standing at the other side of the bed after pushing me like poison and looking like a deer in headlights "S-sorry" he mumbled just before he darted to the bathroom and locked himself for more than an hour._

"It was a mistake…my mistake" I tried to tell him walking to him.

"You don't understand" at this he turned to look at me "I_ wanted_ to push you away way before I did, I _forced _myself to kiss you, to keep doing it thinking that maybe I could outsmart his…_ghost_" it would be a lie to say that his words didn't hit a cord inside of me but I tried to keep my cool for him, the last think he needed was a whiny boyfriend "I couldn't stand the thought of having you there above me. Every time I close my eyes _he_ is there and I'm tired Magnus…I wish I could be fearless, I wish I could give you all that you give to me but I can't and maybe I never will" said this he picked up his jacket and I shoot up to stand between him and the door.

"Not happening my love"

"I'm not going anywhere…except your room, I'm tired" the end of his mouth curved up as he said this "I might be a pain in the ass but you seem to want to put up with me so I'm not leaving…even if I think you're the biggest idiot there is for taking me…" I laughed at his bluntness…the same crude truth he always loved to tell.

"Don't sugar coat it baby, just tell me what you really think" I joked glad that he didn't want to run away. I moved up my hand asking for his thinking that maybe he was still scared of sex and intimacy, but I really didn't care because I saw the fearless in him grow in every passing minute…he was just too stubborn and shy to notice it.

We walked to my room and chanced to our pajamas and put ourselves to bed. He rested on his side giving me his back, sighing I moved to lay right behind him resting on my elbow as I played with his hair until he relaxed and closed his eyes. I began humming hoping for him to sleep a nightmare free night, I knew that he hadn't stopped dreaming about those monsters and I hated that he kept himself from me like this; I didn't care about his apparent weakness because for me it was strength and courage to face things on his own for the sake of others. Then out of nowhere he opened his eyes and began speaking…telling me everything that had happened that day…he remembered it all, every sensation, every smell, every dreadful detail and he described them to me.

I felt sick.

I felt angry.

"Magnus?" I turned to see him, his eyes were dark and at peace, like he felt better just by telling me the hell he had been through. His hands moved to my face wiping away the tears I didn't even feel dropping. I ducked my head resting it on his shoulders crying for him, hating the kind of people that could do such things to beautiful persons like Alexander "I love you" he whispered making my cries harder, it was the first time he said that to me. Not that I needed to hear it in words after that night but seeing that even after all that he had been through -not just that day, but since his unhappy childhood, since a jerk broke his heart and his parents kicked him out…since a monster raped him- he was still willing to risk his heart even more because of me made me want to make him better even more…to find a way to pay him all the trust he was giving me.

"Things will be better" I said making him look at me in the eye, he seemed so unwilling to believe me that I almost began crying again "I love you" I whispered kissing his temple and closing my eyes knowing tonight I was the one that would have nightmares all night.

**Okay after a horrible block this came out…it might be rushed, I might be complete crap but I don't care, it needed to be done xD**

**What did you think? Liked it? Hated it? Should I go hide away from you?**

**Please please review and tell me xD**

**Take care!**


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Alec PoV

Three weeks ago I told Magnus everything.

It had been a lot easier than I had feared, words just kept pouring out of my lips without thinking much about them, like they had been waiting a long time to just be free…hell, they probably were... It might sound cheesy like every cheap chick flick out there, but it had really felt like I had gotten rid of a huge weight around my chest, like suddenly I could breathe again and everything seemed a lot brighter, more manageable and easier.

Keeping that in mind I had taken the time to do some research. I still refused to go to therapy, no matter how much Izzy whined about it. So, my only chance to know a little more about how could it be easier to get around the idea of intimacy -I still got goosebumps every time I thought about last time we tried something-, was the internet. I got inside forums and help sites meeting a bunch of different people that had been through similar experiences. I read about how hard it had been for them to open up to people, to get their confidence back and finally, to make some sort of _normal_ living, just then I found out that for some it had taken _years_ to be able to handle somebody touching them.

I refused to put my life on hold for so long.

I fisted my hands looking at the night city lights through Magnus´ window. This place was beginning to feel more like home than my own loft, even if I had just slept here three nights. In here I felt safe, I felt good and comfortable. I was starting to think that the apartment was irrelevant, that the real feeling of home was all _Magnus_, his silky voice, his mischievous smile, hi catlike hypnotizing eyes, his flamboyant style, his caramel skin, the way his hair was all natural and sexy when he woke up in the morning, that little mewl-moan-_thing_ he let escape every time he stretched after a nice nap…I sighed letting my back rest against the wall as I looked at the huge bed in the middle of the room. Magnus was sleeping completely oblivious of my inner troubles, I was glad for that because ever since the moment I told him everything, he had been haunted by nightmares and his eyes were constantly clouded with sadness and tiredness for the lack of sleep and the constant torture his dreams were putting him through.

I hated it.

It was my entire fucking fault. He was worried about me, about the guy that seemed unable to get better, to take care of himself…I was tired of feeling like that, I needed to show him, my siblings, my mother and myself that I was capable of getting up on my own, that I was strong enough to be okay…that really was the whole purpose of research. I wanted to be able to have some sort of sexual activity with my boyfriend, maybe not full on sex but at least something to show him that I was getting better, that his patience and caring were paying off, that I could do it.

Luckily, I had found some useful stuff.

Like for some people it was better to leave the lights on, so they could see the face of their partner the whole time, however, for others it was better in the dark so they could hide the scars and marks left in their bodies…they both seemed like great ideas and at the same time both of them had disadvantages so I really didn't know what to think on that matter.

Other advised mutual masturbating sessions before heading dead on to the sex…that was an idea I was really thinking to put to practice but…yeah, fucking _BUT_.

There were quite a lot of opinions and suggestions, but in most of the times, the people that could get into sexual relationships were the ones that had decided to instigate their partners saying that after getting more comfortable with sex, they had even tolerated the switch of dominance later on. The ones that had taken initiative said that the most traumatizing thing about their _experience_ was the lack of control, the helplessness that came with the raping…I knew how they felt. Every time I had lost control with Magnus was either because he got terribly close to my scars or because seeing him above me reminded me a lot of _that man_. I told him that and of course he had taken it to heart and stopped trying to get close to me…people did that when you told them things like ´_I wanted to push you away way before I did´ _or ´_I forced myself to kiss you´_…yeah I already knew how big of an idiot I was, and now I terribly missed him, but I didn't want to try to get close to him again and end up chickening out at the last moment, that would probably kill every chance of him allowing us to get more physical, so I had promised myself that it was up to me to fix things and take the first step the next time we could give it another shot, which meant that I had to be strong for him and man up.

_And that was exactly the problem._

I turned back to the window shaking my head knowing that the simple thought of trying to lead him, frighten me. Not just for my current _problem_, but because Magnus was charged with a really _dominant_ personality, so thinking that he would let _me_ manhandle him…was just pitiful. And yet, there was _that kiss..._ the one we had shared on his birthday. He had been completely cooperative as I tried to devour him pushing his body to mine like I was trying to glue him to me for all eternity, simply craving for more.

I made a pained expression. Other than that one time, I hadn´t really felt that need for him, yes, I had kissed him trying to give him back a little of what he had given me…but it had felt wrong and I had stepped away as soon as I had the chance -running to find shelter in the fucking bathroom completely scared- all because I couldn't bear the thought of him knowing what I felt…but then, maybe that was it. I hadn´t_ felt_ anything, I had merely acted how I was supposed to act, maybe if I…

"How long have you been awake?" spoke Magnus´ sleepy voice behind me making me lose that trail of thought.

"Don't know…couple of hours" I shrugged biting my lip hearing him move until his bare feet clapped the floor as he walked to me.

"One of the reasons I love this flat, is this view" he said standing next to me watching the beginnings of dawn behind the buildings "Want some breakfast? I´m in the mood for ice cream"

"It´s barely six" I chuckled letting my eyes trail along his face as the golden waves of the sun reflected into his golden skin making him simply breathtaking.

"It´s never too early for ice cream my dear" he raised a disapproving eyebrow before he turned around and walked to the door, then he stopped not looking at me "Was it a nightmare?" his fingers grasped the door frame.

"No" I made my way to his side "I just couldn't sleep anymore" I kissed his cheek not missing the small smile that action brought "Come on, spoil me with junk food" I took his hand walking to the kitchen.

"Okay then" we moved around the kitchen preparing two bowls of ice cream completely with whipped cream and cherries, then we went to his huge sofa sitting next to each other while he turned on the TV.

"How I met your mother, best thing ever for sleep deprived people" announced Magnus.

"I didn't want to wake you up, you need the rest" I spoke looking at my bowl.

"Hey, hey" he moved to cup my face making me look at him "Shut up, I rather be here doing nothing with you than sleeping" he pecked my lips before turning back to the TV.

As the show went on, our positions shifted resulting in the two bowls forgotten on the floor, my back resting against the arm of the couch and Magnus in my chest between my legs. It wasn't an unusual position for us, completely innocent and comfortable. Besides, more than once he had said how much he liked this, being that our statures were not that different and he didn't feel gigantic like he did with everybody else -not that he didn't love the power that came with height on a lot of occasions- also, that way he could stretch to his whole length and still be comfy.

Not being truly fond of the show I lost interest the moment the second episode started and attempting to find something to do I looked around the house searching for some sort of distraction as my hand traveled to his head, letting my fingers swim through his hair cherishing one of the rare moments where it was bare of any kind of products. A small sigh left his lips before he continued watching TV in silence as I focused my attention in his black strands. I continued with light movements watching how his hair passed through my fingers like ebony silk; I was pretty sure that a lot of fans would kill to have the chance to do this.

I chuckled at that thought.

"You don't laugh at all during the show but you chuckle during infomercials… should I be concerned?" he asked looking at me through amused eyes.

"I was thinking that I´m glad your fans seem to like me" I shrugged and rolled my eyes at his baffled expression "Please don´t make me say it, your ego is big enough for now, we wouldn't want another Jace walking the streets"

"Two things darling" he started looking incredibly outraged "First, do not compare me to your brother please, no need for insults" I snorted knowing full well that the main reason for their mutual dislike was that their huge egos couldn't fit in peace in one room for long "Second, I really don't have a clue what you´re talking about"

"Magnus, you have fans that I´m pretty sure would kill for doing what I´m doing right now" I sighed not even surprised by the self appreciative expression that took over his features.

"You mean that they would love to have me laid on top of them, bare of any product and grasping me by the hair as we watch comedic reruns?" I froze as his words played in my head until I began to feel dizzy.

_Holy fucking shit._

"Sure" I was amazed that my voice decided to sound fairly normal given that my throat had completely dried out as a million images played inside my head…all of them featuring Magnus with much less clothes.

"Yeah, I´m glad they like you too" he grinned and went back to watch TV like he hadn´t turned my whole body on fire with his words. Seeing that for him that had been a harmless and unimportant comment, I tried to continue things normal, using all my concentration to keep my body from responding to my mental meltdown –before I literally _poked_ him in the back with my over appreciative cock, which would probably lead to him bolting out of the couch and not getting close to me in God knows how long- and moving my fingers; that worked fine until I accidentally let my nails run through his scalp in one long motion feeling his whole body shudder at the action, as he made that little _mewl-moan-thing_ that I loved automatically sending more fuel to my already overactive imagination killing all sorts of control I had left.

Driven by a strange need to hear more of the sounds he could make I let my other hand travel to his chest keeping my touches light, letting just the tips of my fingers ghost through his clothed torso. I sensed him stop moving and frowning before he moved his eyes gazing at my hand as I trailed it from his chest to his belly button letting my index finger around it in a slow motion, then continuing the trail until I brushed against his nipple making it harden against his shirt with every movement.

"Alec" I wet my lips hearing his breathless voice as I felt one of his hands grasp my knee. Part of me thought that this could be a bad idea but I was completely hypnotized by the way his body was responding to the lightest touch…how would he act if my finger was touching his skin? "What are you doing?" I closed my eyes sensing the weariness in his voice.

"Touching you" I ducked my head letting my nose trail through his neck inhaling his sweet smell. I had no idea what was different or why one plain sentence had triggered this _hunger_ for him, but I refused to think about it knowing pretty well that my brain would fuck everything up. So I just let my body take over as my mind got swallowed in his essence.

"I can feel that" he chuckled relaxing his grasp in my leg and wiggling further up so our faces were almost at the same level and turning to look at me "May I ask, why?" he put his hand on top of mine stopping it´s movement.

"Do I need a reason to want to touch my boyfriend?" I kissed the corner of his lip before letting my forehead rest against the side of his head "I love you" He narrowed his eyes like he was trying to see what the hell was I thinking, but I didn't want to wait any longer, I couldn't lose this moment, this feeling and this sudden _want_ for more, for everything…so I ignored his inquisitive look as I began leaving light kisses along his neckline.

"Alexander…" I noticed a little caution in his voice "What are you doing?" I blinked pondering his words knowing that I needed to give him an answer or he wouldn't let me get closer. What was I doing? Hadn't I just decided to wait until I was ready and wouldn't back down? "Its fine" I frowned, it was not fine. I wanted to continue touching him making his eyes darken and his voice delivering those sweet sounds just like before...

"I want to touch you" I said as my hand fought to be free and continue exploring his body. His hands shoot back to stop me.

"You don´t want this Alexander" his tone was a direct warning, clearly thinking that I was doing this for him.

"I think I get to decide that" I spoke a little harsh getting tired of being treated like a handicap. Trying to prove my point I fought to get my other hand under his shirt, but in an impressive demonstration of speed and grace, Magnus got up and stepped away from the couch.

"I mean it Alec, it was hard enough for you to get over the last time; we agreed to wait" he was saying as his hands rose in front of him in an apologizing gesture. Still frowning, I followed his movements walking until I was merely a foot away from him.

"You were the one to decide that, not me" I clarified taking that one last step "I want you, I want to feel your skin against mine, I want to hear all the sound you could make, I want you to touch me and make me forget my own fucking name, I want us to find pleasure in each other…I want to have sex with you" in a second I was witness of the effect my words had, his eyes shined in a predatory gaze looking at me like I was freaking edible...I shivered.

The fucking _good_ -toes curling, cock twitching- kind of shiver.

"Alec..." he shook his head in an attempt to clear it from evil and sinful thoughts about his _fragile_ boyfriend. I was sick of that. So, before he could do much, I fisted his shirt and pushed him until his back was hitting the wall not caring about the tingle in my cheeks reminding me that probably my whole face was completely red "What's going on with you?" His blown eyes searched for mine as he asked, this time his voice sounding husky and deep, and all I wanted was to hear him speak like that for eternity. I shook my head before going for his lips almost crazy with the need to taste them again.

As usual, his kiss started slow and tentative, normally I wouldn't mind, just being content with having his lips against mine, but not today. Today I wanted to push him, to remind him that I was a man and not the frighten seventeen year old he had met, so I pressed him eager for more, teasing with my tongue and biting his lower lip as my body forced his even further against the wall. He let out a broken moan making me push even harder until he fucking growled and gave me that same intensity letting our mouths dance furiously making my whole body vibrate. I felt like he had started a fire inside my bones and it was spreading all over my body until it consumed every inch of it. I became intoxicated with him taking in his taste, his scent and his touch. It had been too long since we had let everything go, since any of us got carried away by passion turning our kissing into a lustful demonstration of need. I had been too afraid to feel, and he had been too worried to push, but something had happened in those three weeks, something that I had yet to name but that had showed me how much I was letting go to waste because I was too caught up inside my fears.

I was still frightened. Terrified of the shadows that hunted me in my dreams, but I was more afraid to lose him for a second time, and this time I wouldn't have anyone to blame but myself. I had seen how much my pain affected him, how much he suffered for my sake and I refused to keep going through that path.

Any thought I could still formulate became dust as his hands tangled into my black locks making me moan low in my throat, apparently he wasn't the only one with a hair kink. Just as I went around deciding that I needed to breathe soon, he pulled my head back making me grunt in protest before he made me look into his yellow-green eyes silently urging me to answer as we both tried to even our breaths. I blinked a couple of times trying to remember his question.

"I'm tired" I finally whispered letting my head fall against his shoulder "Tired of being a liability, of being the weak one and always having someone thinking that they should take care of me" I let my hands rest on his hips possessively. The one thing that I was sure about was that I would do anything to keep him with me, that I was not ready to let him go.

_Thank God_ he seemed to think the same.

"Alec...I've already told you, you are strong...!"

"Then let me make my own fucking choices!" I yelled looking at his eyes "I'm man enough to know when I feel something and when I don't" I sighed passing a hand through my face "Three weeks ago I made a mistake...I wanted to rush things and pressure myself into...the mood" I swallowed looking down "I should've told you that I wasn't feeling it, that as much as I love kissing you, I didn't...well..."

"Rise to the occasion" he said with a faint smile.

"Yeah, I guess" I snorted knowing that my cheeks were probably neon pink by now.

"You should've told me"

"I tried" I whispered and it took him a minute to curse letting his head fall back. I had already known that he hadn't understood my feeble attempt to stop things; after all he seemed rather stunned when I had bolted out of bed.

"Fuck" he cursed hitting his head on the wall wincing. I noticed that he stubbornly kept his eyes anywhere but me "I´m sorry"

"It´s okay, I should´ve told you…let´s focus on_ now_" I cupped his face "And right now, I´m freaking horny for my sexy flamboyant boyfriend who, frankly, is playing really hard to get" he chuckled before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Do you really want to do this?"

"Yes"

"It might not work…"

"We won´t know unless we try"

"When did you become the confident one?" he teased raising an eyebrow. I shrugged seeing him moisture his lips as his eyes showed me his internal battle. He was clearly _up for it_, I could feel him against my hip as a huge distraction from our talk; however, there was another part of him that refused to let the other night go, a part that was still scared to hurt me.

"I love you. I need you…" I hugged him hiding my face inside the crook of his neck hoping to convince him "Please, let´s just…try" we stood like that for who knows how long until I heard a faint sigh that sounded terribly like a _yes_…

And then I found myself pinned against the wall with Magnus fucking grinning like a predator as his eyes surveyed my body, lingering just in the right places before they locked on my own. He was testing me, searching for the minimal trace of fear before really making up his mind. I returned his stare willing to erase all worries from the troubled shades in his yellow-green gaze…and just then it hit me, the truth that I had been too idiotic to acknowledge before this moment.

I knew he loved me. I was sure he freaking loved me so much, that would rather die than hurt me.

That simple and yet so complicated truth was the only thing I needed to remember to erase those fears. The people in the web were right. I just needed to see _him,_ Magnus, my fucking reason to keep on going. I had to really look at the man I loved to be sure, to be fearless and to grin like an idiot before pulling him to me welcoming this elated feeling of freedom with the taste of his lips firmly against my own.

I was sure.

I wanted him.

I needed him.

I fucking _craved_ for him. And I was planning to show him how much, even if we ended up naked for the rest of our lives to do it.

**Well I´m such a terrible person, I know. **

**I can make tons of excuses, school, work, the fact that my muse seemed to get lost in those months, but oh well, it´s finally here haha**

**This chapter was a complete bitch! So hard, but I´m really happy with it :D And next one will be the last one, so yeah…I´ll leave the farewell card for that one lol**

**I hope you guys forgive me enough to leave a review?**

**Did you love it? Hate it? :)**

**Take care and I promise to update sooner than you think ;)**


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

Alec PoV

_My throat felt dry._

_My skin was burning up._

_My hands tingled with want._

Magnus was looking at me with such intensity that for a moment I forgot how to breathe. His hand slowly traveled up until he let his fingertips caress my cheek. I closed my eyes letting out a shaky sigh feeling goosebumps all over my body. His hand moved down keeping his touch light, like I was made of something precious and fragile.

We were still fully clothed, but my body didn't mind, it felt every feathery touch with such hunger that I was beginning to think that the second his hands truly touched me, I would be completely overwhelmed by every sensation. He seemed to get this, like always, he was capable of reading me with such accuracy that I felt like I could never hide anything from him.

"Alexander" he whispered and his mere voice sent a shiver down my spine. His hand moved lower until it grasped my own, he lifted it and put it against his chest letting me feel his rapid heartbeat. Unconsciously I took a step closer, our chests touching again and our mouths inches apart "I love you" he whispered and I felt his words against my lips before diving for them.

With my fingers I was witness of how much I affected him. His heartbeat became frantic, stronger than ever. I grasped his shirt feeling my skin tingle as his hand left mine only to go back to my hips pulling me to him. I gasped brokenly once his fingers brushed against my bare skin just above the hem of my pants; I swallowed ending the kiss to give my entire attention to his hands. He let them trail through my hips before moving them up taking my shirt with them.

_My breathing hitched._

_My heart took a leap._

I licked my lips prior rising my hands letting him take away my shirt; he threw it aside before turning to look at me. His eyes trailed all over my chest, lingering in the small, white and ugly lines that adorned it…his eyes darkened with hatred.

"Hey" I whispered cupping his face making him look at me. I didn't want him to think of that, not now that I was almost catatonic with need "I´m okay…" I closed my eyes putting my forehead against his "I love you" I felt his arms snake around my torso before embracing me strongly, I welcomed the hug I didn't know I needed inhaling his scent and letting my soul greet him. Who would have thought that once we agreed to have sex I would feel this way? I mean, I was not scared, but things were a little bit too much at the moment. Probably sensing my inner turmoil he moved away to look at me in the eye and smiled lifting one eyebrow…cocky bastard, he had no right to be mocking me only because I was freaking out a little "Shut up" I mumbled hiding my face on his neck.

"I didn't say a thing" he chuckled "I know you´re ready…I can see the difference now" he kissed my head. I grinned at this, yeah I saw it too.

"It´s weird…I want you, so fucking much but at the same time I feel like it was my first time…"

"Same here blue eyes…it might be because this one really fucking counts" I kissed his neck, deeper each time appreciating every sound he made, his hands tangled in my hair prior pulling me back meeting my lips with his own. We kissed hard, our tongues battling each other…not for dominance, but for want, for need of the other´s body.

Magnus PoV

"Off" he groaned tugging my tee. I obliged barely separating our lips so I could get it out; his hands were everywhere making me crazy with each caress. The feeling of his skin finally against my own, his hard nipples rubbing in my chest and the faint hairline that trailed until the hem of his pants…fuck, how could anyone be this fucking sexy?

I moved to kiss along his jaw until I reached his earlobe, I sucked it wanting to hear him lose control, hear his moaning louder and make him forget about everything else.

"M-Magnus" he breathed bucking his hips rubbing his crotch against mine making me see stars.

"Shit…" I moaned rocking my own…dry humping like horny teenagers, now that was something I hadn´t done in a while. I hissed as I felt his nails dig in my hips before he took a step back guiding us to the bed…and before I could think of what was happening, we were on it and I was on top of him.

I froze.

I didn't want him to freak out for this. We had to switch places, we…

"Why did you stop?" he asked looking at me with his beautiful eyes, they were navy by now, darkened by lust and making me shiver by just gazing at them.

"I can´t be on top"

"Yeah you can" I shook my head trying to move away but he moved faster locking his legs around my waist and keeping me in place.

"…Alec?" he just smiled before…slowly…so fucking, _agonizingly_ slow…he rocked his hips up rubbing against me in the most perfect way "Fuck" I mouthed trying to get back in control of my trembling body.

He was having none of that.

He kept his movements slow and controlled, knowing how crazy he was making me. Then, his hands started to move around my torso rising goosebumps all over my body. I moaned when they began to play with my nipples, pinching and twisting them making me whine in a combination of pain and arousal that kept me unable to move away. I thought that we could keep like this forever, until his heavenly mouth went back to my neck, nibbling and biting in a way that should be illegal…when had he learned to do that?

"Alec" I gasped hearing a moan emerge from his lips the second my hips decided to meet his picking up the pace. I licked my lips before moving down to kiss his chest dying to mark him just like I knew he had marked my neck. His legs untangled from my back most likely knowing that I was not going to move now.

I nipped and bit his skin while my hands grasped his strong legs…moving up each time, until I could cup his delicious ass and massage it wantonly, only stopping when I heard a breathless chuckle coming from him. I looked up only to see him with his eyes closed and a small smile on his lips "What´s so funny?" I asked before letting my tongue give a little lick to his nipple.

"Shit…" he moaned opening his eyes and gazing at me "I just…ngh…" I continued giving attention to the pink lump between as I urged him to talk…a little sexy torture never hurt anybody "…I remembered what you said…G-God…" he pushed his head back as my hands moved to the inside of his legs getting my fingers dangerously close to his crotch "About my ass on the TV show…" he spoke so fast that I had no option but to chuckle knowing that he hated not being able to talk straight ever since he overcame his stutter.

"Well, it is gorgeous, but there is one other part of your sexy anatomy that I want to meet right now" I spoke against his ear before my hand moved to cup him over his pajama pants.

"Fuck" I moved my hand feeling him so hard under my fingers that I was having serious trouble keeping me from shoving down his pants and make him goo under my hands.

"Has anybody ever sucked you?" I breathed in his ear feeling the shiver that ran down his body. He shook his head looking straight into my hand as his hips moved to meet it "Would you like me to?" I let my tongue leave a trail along his neck before crawling to kneel between his legs moving my hand away.

Not getting a negative answer I took his silence as a yes, so I let my hands move down to the hem of his pants and slowly pulling them down. He let me without moving his eyes from my hands; I tossed the pants aside before letting my finger trail through his clothed dick watching his chest rise with every strong breath. I ducked my head caressing him with my nose before I left a trail of butterfly kisses along his length.

I raised my eyes meeting his blown ones just before I pulled down his boxers and licked his dick in one swift motion "Holy shit!" he trashed grasping the covers and bending his spine up. I continued with small licks and bites, teasing him into oblivion while my hands moved to play with his balls.

He tasted strong and sweet at the same time, his smell was welcomed by my body like oxygen and I fucking knew that I had to make him cum fast or I would have an embarrassing orgasm in my pants. I swallowed eager to completely taste him and putting my lips on his tip, I let my tongue roll around it having my eyes fixed on his trembling figure. I had spoken the truth; I could now see the true Alec, his true passionate side completely shadowing the blushing kid at the park. I took a breath before opening my mouth and taking him in.

He moaned like a fucking Porn Star.

Deep, guttural and completely uninhibited…I almost came just from hearing him. I worked him putting special attention in his reactions, finding out his weak spots and avoiding the uncomfortable ones set on making him lose his mind.

"Magnus" he whispered like a mantra as his hips shot forwards completely lost in his pleasure. I put a firm hand on his hipbone keeping him from chocking me "I´m…I´m…" he screamed as his seed shot into my throat barely giving me time to swallow most of it. I sat back cleaning my chin with the back of my hand while he got back his breath.

"You are the sexiest person I have ever seen" I grinned before he groaned covering his face with his hand "What?"

"Talk about _fast_! I swear I had more stamina than this" he whined frowning. I chucked moving to lie on his chest folding my arms to rest my head.

"If the only thing left from what happened to you, is finishing a little faster than usual…I don't complain" I let my finger trail one of his scars feeling my heart clench in sorrow. They had tortured and broken him like no one should be allowed to, but my soul swelled with pride at the thought of how further he had come…and how much farther we would get in just a little longer.

Alec PoV

I was taking deep breaths feeling like I was in cloud nine. I felt so amazing that the only thing keeping me from complete happiness was the fact that we hadn´t had full on sex yet…but that was something I planned on getting done as soon as possible.

Fuck, after months of nothing an orgasm like that really felt like heaven.

"I love you" I murmured passing my hand through his hair, he purred smiling before ducking his head and start leaving small kisses on my scars. I swallowed looking away feeling a lump in my throat as memories tried to go back inside my head "Kiss me" he raised his head locking his eyes in mine immediately understanding what I needed. He gave me a small and intimate smile before crawling to meet my lips in a languid kiss, dancing slowly, tasting each other…I gasped feeling his tongue inside my mouth, mapping every inch of it. I shuddered fisting his black strands reciprocating his attentions loving every moan he let out. We continued ravishing each other's mouths.

_Biting_

_Sucking_

_Battling_

Our breaths were heavy. Our bodies tense with need. We knew what we needed to satisfy our need, and for once, nothing seemed able to stop us.

"Lube" he breathed before bolting to the bathroom. I let out a breathless chuckle watching him half running and half taking away his clothes…at least I was not the only desperate one. After a minute he was back inside the room fully naked.

Dear Lord he was too fucking gorgeous.

"Like what you see?" he teased not the least ashamed of his unclothed state or his proud dick aiming at the sky.

"Fuck yeah" I practically moaned moving to a sitting position as he came closer to the bed. I raised my hand to pull him by the waist towards me. I kissed his abs and chest, letting my forehead rest against him feeling his heartbeat though his skin while my other hand moved to touch his manliness, loving its texture against my fingertips and how it seemed to jump every time I touched it.

"Alec…" he didn't need to say much more for me to understand him. I moved away waiting for him to lay back in bed before nesting between his legs and going for his lips again "Here" he whispered against my mouth as his hand grasped mine giving me the lube.

I swallowed looking at it thinking of how things had changed from the first time we had met. The old me had never even thought about being special enough to have sex with Magnus…let alone top him. I moved my eyes through his body, lean and perfect in every way; his face, exotic and beautiful; his eyes, filled with so much love that they took my breath away… I was so fucking glad I had gone to that party all those months ago, that not even the fact that I had been abused later could make me regret it.

I coated my fingers not moving my eyes away, he on the other hand was gazing intently at them though highly darkened eyes. I moved my hand down until I encircled his entrance, my finger moved around it teasingly feeling it contract with need. I ducked my head to his neck biting and nibbling while I continued preparing him.

_One_

_Two_

_Three fingers_

We were both shaking by now, the crave was too much but I didn't want to hurt him, so I kept moving my fingers inside of him, curling them trying to find his prostate eager to make him feel as amazing as I felt. He was moaning my name, sometimes barely making a sound as his hands grasped my shoulders and his eyes going from my fingers to my face.

"Now…Alexander, now" he pulled my face to look at him, his eyes death serious. I nodded moving my hand away to pour a generous amount of lube in my hand prior smearing it all over my length. I got into place kissing him hard feeling his legs tangle in my back.

_I pushed._

The heat, the pressure, the closeness...It was like getting home, it felt so fucking right and good that I considered never moving away. I continued moving inside of him in a slow phase, always conscious of his breaths and expression knowing that he was hurting, but if he hadn´t told me to stop it meant that he could take it, that he wanted me to get completely inside of him.

"Magnus" I said once I felt my balls touch his skin. I was breathing fast and my skin was faintly coated with sweat mixing with his. He had his eyes closed as he took deep breaths, his hands traveled from my arms to the back of my head twisting his fingers with my hair. I kissed his neck, jaw, chin, forehead and lips, I tried to show him how precious he was to me, how important he had become and how thankful I was to have him in my life, because I knew that I would be nowhere near where I was today if it wasn't for him.

"Move" I followed his words in a slow phase until none of us could take tenderness any longer.

_Faster_

_Harder_

_Deeper_

That was our mantra while our bodies attempted to merge with the other. His hips were up meeting mine, his hand digging on my shoulders as his mouth chanted my name like a prayer. I felt my insides clench and my muscles tense eager to get to the peek, but I couldn't give in, I had to take him with me. I fisted him pumping hard and almost feeling dizzy with desire watching him fall apart before me, screaming and moaning unable to get back in control. I was not silent either, I whispered his name like it was the only word my brain could process as I hid my face on my neck giving him all I had, all I that I was.

And then it became just too much.

He came with a scream, twisting his body in ecstasy. I felt his whole body shudder as his insides contracted against my dick pulling me with him. I reached my orgasm with his name on my lips, feeling the waves of pleasure so strong that I was sure I got blind for a second. Everything else was gone, in my world only the two of us existed…and it was perfect.

After what could have been minutes, hours or even years of blissful elation I came back in my senses. I was slumped on top of him, my breaths hollow and my body aching.

_Wow…fucking wow._

"Wow" he whispered making me chuckle still unable to move "For this, it was definitely worth the wait" I could feel his grin against my cheek while I managed to get out of him and roll to my side.

"Ditto" I felt his body move until he was propped on my chest hiding his face on the crook of my neck.

"You just made the biggest mistake of your life" I frowned at his words but he kept going before I could speak up "If our first was this fucking amazing, I´m gonna have to keep you here until we beat it..."

"It might take a while" I faked concerned.

"Good thing we have the rest of our lives…don't we?" he took my hand knotting his fingers to mine.

"Yeah, we do" I turned to give him a chaste kiss "Forever if it´s necessary"

"Sound fucking good to me"

THE END

**Well that has to be the longest smut scene I have ever written o.o**

**I´m completely trashed! Uni is no fun in finals! And that´s why this is fresh out of the oven (no much proof reading sorry :S) and out before I dig my grave any deeper in school lol.**

**Now to business…ahem…CoLS! OMG OMG OMG! One of the reasons I had a writer´s block for two weeks was the damn epilogue! Come on! I´m really thinking about kicking Magnus´ ass for that ¬¬ and give Alec a slap! Both of them are idiots! But I still love them lol**

**If you want to bitch and scream about the book feel free to PM me or write about it in your review :)**

**Another thing…my Malec muse decided to work again and I have another fic cooking! Ahh I´m so excited! This one will have lots of angst (you know how much I love it!) and it´s gonna be an AU…expect some Malec from yours truly in about a month :)**

**Finally, THANK YOU THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH! Really, this is my first Malec ever and seeing that you guys liked it sooo much makes me really happy :)**

**I´m not sad it´s over, it was way overdue and I needed some fluffly smuth lol.**

**Thanks again for all the awesome people that took the time to read, fave and review this fic, you rock!**

**Lots of love to all!**

**Take care!**


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